I'm a normal or so I think.

I tend to overthink things, simple turned complicated because of how I understand and decipher everything around me. I've no mental illness but I want to share how I perceive the world I live in. 

I go to work everyday, meet numerous strangers along the way and talk to unknown named colleagues often than not. I am scared of what they think about me, main reason I always am on my toes and put up a smiling mask. I don't get why it matters a lot what others think of me that I stopped looking for answers long time ago. Growing up, I had a lot of complexes, may it be physical or intellectual. I wanted to gain the same things my so called friends have, jealousy, peer pressure and it all amount to what I am now. 

Very much I wanted to be someone else but I guess I didn't strive hard to be that one successful person or I over thought of what steps needs to be done. My goal now in life is just to be happy. Define happy? Well, it's a state of your entire well being where you don't have but just positivity even on the most hellish aspect of life. It's a choice. My mind thinks of the word happy and my body follows suit. It's all in the mind. But the process isn't always smooth sailing, I still sometimes cry in the toilet cubicle, in my bedroom before I go to sleep or even just in random publice location, for what reason? Unknown.

I feel depressed too when I struggle on stuff I know I could've done better. But what else to do? 'Done' is a past tense, I can never make it present again only future tense.

In the course of my hilarious and shallow contemplation about life, I've come to realize that, everytime I am able to breathe is a miracle. It's something I should be tahnkful of because no other being can give a pair of lungs to use, alveolars to expand and intake oxygen. It is nothing but magic. 

Everyday, I breathe, I am thankful. If I am sick, still I am thankful. When I almost drowned but able to breathe again I was so thankful. Also, when I got too drunk that i can't stop from vomitting, I was still thankful. [it stopped after 24 hours and after taking a long needed sleep] 

I was able to breathe on all those occasions and who knows one morning I might not be able to breathe for unknown reason. I might die of accident, of bumping my head on the wall or by murder [please not] but who knows? Life is given when cell and egg cells unite, but where did all of this atoms and molecules come from? Why is it by the end of nine months a new being comes out and breathe on their own? the science behind it cannot define the beginning of all this but one thing all of us, scientist included should be thankful of. The beginnign ignited gave us the ability to live life and that alone is something to be thankful of. No matter how much you struggle, how painful it is, life is beautiful because you were able to live it. compare your life with others and you will see pros and cons but one specific bind all of us have in common is that we are all able to breathe and live life.

Everything is unsure, no one can tell when will we stop breathing so while it last, just be happy. I fear of every stranger I coem across everyday but that is put behind along with all my other bothers whenever I sigh. I made myself think, you breathed out what should be more of a burden than not being able to? Why be scared, be thankful you are alive.

I am writing this because I want to share postivity. To share my thoughts for peopl who can't find the reason not to be thankful for life. For those who suffers severe depression and other mental breakdowns because of bullying or what not. Please don't let people get in your mind, you ar ein control. The voice inside your head is stronger than anybody else,if you say it will be then it shall be. Things that do not happen as you want it, is happening one way or another you are just too focused to see it the way you want it.

Live life, command it and smile.