Hello lovelies. 

How have you guys been doing?

These past few months have been a heck of a process for me. I seem to only be revolving around my studies and academics. I feel as though I have no time to stop and breathe because if I do so, then I won't be able to catch up. Yes sure, those that see me around in real life must be thinking; why is she lying? I see her smiling everyday. Yes, of course, I smile. But does smiling mean that I am not feeling stressed? I am not feeling tired? For those readers of Top Notch, I sincerely and dearly thank you for your patience. You guys know how much I have struggled to remove and take down that story and trying to upload it again while improving it. It has also been stressful as I wanted to match up to the standard I left you with. 

I took it down because I didn't want to lead you on, as to what you call it in a relationship. I don't want to leave you hanging as I work my off in real life, studying. The story will definitely be thrown somewhere at the back of my head. I feel as though my body is suffocating due to the stress and problems that are being to me. My schedule is the same everyday, returning home late, doing my work, and going to bed. Sometimes I really ask myself, am I committing enough to the readers / the group that i supposedly claim to Stan wholeheartedly? But I am really lucky to have readers who understand my slow updates when I took up the courage to come back to this platform. 

I realize how much I have been missing out on, due to my absence on the media and to myself. I have been missing alot of time for myself. I admit, throughout these few months, I have been wondering, am I still ready to commit to the group that I used to spend so much time on before 2016 started? I did consider leaving these entire supporting thing and just enjoy their music. But then I realize, when the process of getting to know this group and going through the debut process with them, I have learnt alot. I have silently and unknowingly learnt their determination, hard work, perseverance. I have met so many extraordinary people that come together as one due to common interest. Due to a goal of protecting these 7 boys. I have met such incredible iKonics that slowly became my pillar of support when I am feeling down or when I feel like giving all of these up. 

That day where I really felt like throwing everything out of my life, I scrolled through my feeds and I saw this particular video. Just a simple video from Who Is Next [ WIN ] era. And I realize, heck, these kids have gone through more things than me, how dare I compare myself? Hard work brought them happiness for what they do. And my fallen away love for them came back, they reminded me 'ah, right, this is why I fell in love with them' and then I went back onto Twitter [ @unstanflopkon ] and see all those teasing fan fights and fan jokes. Those joking hatred and those memes made up to reply to those haters. Those moments when the fan pages share about their life to each other, how they have a crush or they fell in love. And I realize, this really seemed like family, this used to make me happy and it still does. And if I forcefully take this out of my life, I might have nothing to cheer me up anymore when I lose everything. 

Well here is to a more eventful 2016.

#6monthswithiKon 

Thankful to all of you. 

Love, Stephanie. 

Tweet me: @unstanflopkon