So i just started to really think about my life and everything and everyone in it. it's strange how you never feel like you've gone anywhere until you look back and see the life you've lived so far. let me tell you about this guy that goes to my school, his name is bobby l. and i had a huge crush on him while i was in marching band, and everyone would tell me he felt the same way about me, but for some reason he just wouldn't date me. at first i thought it was because everyone was lying just to get my hopes up, but than i herd him talking to another brass player about me and he said something that made my heart leap for joy; i won't tell you what it is, but i can tell you we never dated, but i did get why he didn't ask me out, and as i went from being a immature 16 year old into a more evolved 17 year old i now look at he as a friend and i still cherish and love him, but he and i both know that the relationship we longed to have with each other could never work out, so we left it at that. Now that I'm older and my parents say they don't mind me having a bit more freedoms, and such. i found someone that i never know i loved and yet i knew him for three years. A friend of mine named neko, i tried to ignore how i felt, but it didn't work as well as I'd hoped and i told him how i felt almost ruining out friendship, but i fixed my mistake and things went back to where they were, but somehow it seemed different. i thought it over with myself thousands of times, i just can't figure things out it seems as if he has feelings for me, but the way i shut out might have had a bad effect on the situation. i just with i knew what to do. why can't we just know all the answers or just have someone that does, someone i could go to and spill my guts to and just be me with all my flaws and such and just- wow, i just realized who I'm talking about i guess this teenage crisis it all in my head. well thanks anyone who even bothered to read through this. well see you on the next chapter, bye!