Do you ever worry where you're headed in life? What are you going to do in the future? Where you're going to end up? What will you be? Who are you going to be with? Who will look after you? Who will you look after? Is your next apartment going to be near any restaurant or mall because you can't cook for yourself? How much will the rent cost? Water bill? Electricity? Will you ever know how to budget your money? What are you going to spend it on? Okay, enough.

I haven't exactly figured out these things because...well...I don't think of them that much until the realization hit me that I'm only two months away from earning my college degree and that I have to make a living soon. People around me have figured, hey, maybe I'll end up in a bigshot production house because I do lots of productions and events. Or end up being a technical director because I've been a technical director for college events in the past four years in campus. Or maybe become a tv host (mostly for showbiz news) because I do video blogs occasionally. Or maybe I'm going to be a music producer alongside my sister because we geekout over our little music space in the house and throw some compositions out there. Or maybe become a writer, a professional one and get published one day. But the thing is, I don't know where I'm headed. I have no idea how people even come up with these conclusion of where I'm going to be and what I'm going to be in the next five or ten years of my life. I'm honestly so scared of the industry people think I'm going to work for. The media industry? My last taste of it was bitter. I can't remember how many times I cried and how many cups of coffee I consumed to keep myself up for about 72 hours. It's scary. It really is. People aren't very nice either. When you're at the bottom of the foodchain and they know you indeed are in the bottom, you're their prey, you're the one they'd pick on to make themselves look even bigger. I've been there. So now I don't know if I ever want to be there again.

I've been meaning to leave the country and work at a production house there but I'm not sure of myself. I'm not sure if I can do it. I'm not sure if there's actually anything I can do...

So I worry about where I'm headed in life. What I'm going to do in the future. Where am I going to end up. What am I going to be. Who am I going to be with.  Who will look after me. Who will I look after. Is my next apartment going to be near a restaurant or mall because I can't cook for myself. How much will the rent cost. Water bill. Electricity. Will I ever know how to budget my money. What am I going to spend it on.