So, I guess you could say I'm "demotivated" (if there is such a word) right now. MarkSon has been very... distant with each other. It's painful and I hate myself because it's happening again. I hate this feeling, this already happened when I shipped ChanBaek too much. I found myself falling in and getting hurt too much. Why do I fall like this? There are a lot of times when I just see Mark staring, like he wants to talk to Jackson but he chooses not to. I don't know. I'm probably overthinking. I hate myself, really. It really pains me seeing them so distant.... Really.

I've been listening to Jessica and Tiffany's cover of heaven, and well, that song spoke to me so much, especially about MarkSon. The lyrics went like

Oh, thinking about our younger years.

There was only you and me

We were young and wild and free.

Like, the first part is about what they used to be. It's very painful, really. As in, I can't explain why my heart wreanches whenever I see Mark and Jackson so distant with each other. Real or not, I feel sad for what they have. I miss MarkSon.... the old MarkSon. But I guess people get tired, right? And, I'm crying legit tears right now. God, I feel so stupid and pathetic. I hate it when I ship this much... I really hate it, and to top it off, this is all my own doing.

There was this one part in the song:

Now our dreams are coming true

Through the good times and bad

I'll be standing there by you.

I wish this was happening right now. I wish I could really see it.

Also, I wish people would really respect the use of hashtags, especially on instagram. I wish people would stop using the #MarkSon tag with other ships. Like, what are they trying to prove? I find it a little offending. It's like ruining someone's dream. I wish people would stop using that tag just to get "likes". Like, I know you guys have your own ships, but just keep it for that tag. Because I'm pretty sure there are also people like me who'll be disappointed to see other OTP's, rather than the original tag.

Also, the fact that Markson aren't even roommates anymore saddens me even more. I think their AC needed to be fixed in their room, so they had to transfer and share with the others.

I feel sorry for myself. I feel sorry for Mark even though I shouldn't be because I'm pretty sure Mark's hella fine. (or not, who knows?) I just feel sorry for Mark, even though I shouldn't be.

Ignore me, please.