I had a bad dream last night...it didn't start bad but it got bad throughout the dream. It wasn't a nightmare but it wasn't a good dream either.

I can't remember EVERYTHING but I know that I was on my way to meet Bangtan. It wasn't something like a meet and greet but more of a gathering between friends. Taehyung called me over because he didn't see me for a long time. I really liked Bangtan that was why I was really happy. I also had this huge crush (well still have...you know since he's my bias) on Taehyung so I was even more excited to see them. And I was also happy that he was the one who called me over because I liked to think that he missed me.

So I got there and I noticed this girl. Like she was really friendly and we were on good terms and she was also friends with Bangtan. We sat on that table like the table in the video where the Vocals and the Rap line changed their parts in I need you. Yoongi, Namjoon, Jin, Jimin, Hosoek, Me, Jungkook, that girl and lastly Taehyung. We were laughing and talking and everything was okay but in the middle of our conversation, I noticed that Tae and that girl didn't participate in the conversation anymore. So I tried to look at them to see what they were doing but somehow Jungkook shielded them and concealed my vision. I tried to peek over his shoulder and saw that girl sitting in Tae's lap, his arms around her stomach and his mouth next to her ear, constantly whispering things and chuckling quietly.

I don't know but that sight somehow crushed my heart and I saw how both of them giggles and how they shared a few pecks. I immediately looked away and noticed then Jungkookie looking sad and the others somehow were also sad when they noticed me witnessing that scenery. I tried to act okay, you know, I mean how can I act y and jealous when he's not mine and when he's clearly happy with her?

So I didn't say anything and just got along with it. So I don't know, but after the whole talking was finished we went to a skater park and we just hung out and laughed and talked and did silly things. Especially Jungkook did dumb things and he always did them when I was watching him. I then noticed that he tried to make me laugh and that he didn't want my attention on Tae and that girl and he sometimes succeded. But sometimes I peeked over to them and saw how they were in their own world, kissing and chatting and I felt my heart crushing some more. 

I was so hurt because Tae was the one who called me over and now he was the one who ignored me and just payed attention to his...well, girlfriend. And I was also jealous because....I had a crush on him, well, I would even say that I was totally head over heels in love with him. And after some time when I didn't pay attention to those two lovebirds, we all noticed that Tae and that girl had begun to argue...And I couldn't help but feel a little bit happy but I also felt guilty at the same time since I shouldn't get happy over smth like that. And then the fight between them got louder until the girl ran away and Tae stood there frozen.

So I went to him, rubbing his arm and I wanted to tell him that it's gonna be okay but he cut me off, didn't spare a glance at me and then he sprinted after her. In that exact moment my heart shattered like in a thousand of pieces because....I don't even know, he just...didn't care for me and then Jungkook came to me and wanted to take me to eat ice cream in order to get my mind off him.

And that was when I woke up and let me tell you - I never cried that hard in my life before. I just....felt so hurt and was so mad, I couldn't think straight. I was sobbing while also trying to keep quiet (since it was 4 a.m. in the morning) which led to a coughing fit and I didn't get any oxygen anymore. I wondered how I could stay conscious because I had literally no more oxygen running through my veins.

And that made me realize that I fell way too deep for Taehyung and for Bangtan in general. And it scares me because I would do literally everything to just keep them happy. They're too precious and they're to kind to be bashed. And I can't stand them being sad. I just...I can't. The dream also reminded me that doesn't matter how much I love them, they won't notice me. Because I'm just a fan. A fan who would do everything for them, but still...just a fan. And then I heard the cover Fools by Rapmon and Kookie...and cried again.

Because only Fools fall for you, Bangtan. Only Fools do what I do. I may be a fool, but I certainly don't regret falling for you

And to the future girlfriend/wives....

Please, please, please, please take care of our boys because they are our everything. Please.