As I was writing, a memory of high school crept up and I wanted to share it with you all and ask what you think about it. 

I was a junior in high school and I remember I was going on a field trip to an amusement park, knottsberry farm, with people from the choir, band, and theater classes. If you remember anything from my story, I'm a lot like Taeyeon and was always alone in general. I actually hated fieldtrips, but it was just an excuse to skip a day of classes. I remember on the bus I was sitting near the back and nobody wanted to sit with me. I was used to it by then so it didn't bother me that much. But then I remember this cute girl who chose to sit next to me and seemed very nice. I remember I met her a few days ago in the band room and for fun we were singing a duet from this musical we both enjoyed.

Anyways I remember she was really cute, but I didn't want her to know I was actually interested in her. Instead I wanted to be friendly and try to get to know her. Well after a few hours on the bus she was feeling sleepy and I remember saying something that I thought was nautral, but thinking about it now it was probably creepy. I said "you know if you're really tired, you can always lean on me. I think my shoulder is more comfortable." In hindsight that was too creepy, but back then when I was a stupid kid I thought it was friendly. Last I remember was her leaning away from me as she fell asleep. 

When we got to the park I remember tagging along with her group of friends since I really didn't want to be alone. I think her and her friends thought I was a nuisance, but were too nice to tell me to go away. So I went on a few rides with them, but after a while I could tell they thought I was an extra wheel. I actually remember lying to them I was going to meet my other friends and was going to spend the rest of the day with them. I knew they were relieved, but pretended they to be sad and left me. I still remember their turned backs walking away, whipsering and laughing. Probably about me. After that I remember going to the opposite side of the park and hiding in a bathroom stall where barely anybody was there. I just locked the door, hugged my knees on the toilet and just cried silently. I hated myself and questioned why I had to be this way. Why did I have to be so awkward? I kept blaming myself, telling myself I should've taken the hint and left them alone. Especially that girl. She probably thinks I'm a freak.

After I don't know how many hours I was in there, but later I met up with the rest of my school and we all went to a pizza parlor. I was sitting in a different bus; the girl was probably on a different bus. I remember a guy sat next to me, but he was more interested in talking to his friends behing him rather then talking to me. While on my way to the pizza parlor I tried to think positive and thought that maybe the girl and her friends didn't hate me. Maybe it really was all in my head. When I got off the bus and went into the restaurant, I saw the girl and friends sitting in a booth looking at the menu. I tried to keep a positive mood and casually sat next to the girl while saying "Hey ya'll. What's up?"

The girl rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue. She roughly crawled over me to get out of the booth and went to another table. Her friends who were sitting across from me did the same and followed suit. And there I was, sitting alone in a happy pizza parlor that was full of laughter joy. I felt like utter . Like somebody punched me really hard in the stomach and it felt like I was going to throw up. I wanted to cry really badly, but my eyes were dried up after all that crying I did that afternoon. A teacher walked passed me and asked me if I was okay. I just gave her a fake smile and said I was okay. I was just waiting for my 'friends' who were on the next bus to meet me. Of course the teacher fell for it and I was just sitting there all awkward and alone. The conversations I could hear around me made me so envious. I remember some people were talking about movies, tv shows, anime, school gossip, etc.

I really wished I wasn't awkward. I wished I could understand social cues. I wished I was funny. I wished I was good looking. I was so full of envy. I thought life wasn't fair. Why did god choose to make me an exclusion from society? I was just beginning to get angry, but then the anger just turned into depression and I just sat there staring at the menu.

I orderd half a dozen of chicken wings and they weren't bad. Nothing special. Some of the kids around me were stealing quick glances at me, but none of them were concerned enough to approach me to ask why I was alone. I remember one of the teachers ordered 4 large pizzas and told everybody he would pay for them. I felt sick to the stomach. As everybody got up from their seats to get free pizza, I remember seeing the girl again waiting in line to get a slice of pepperoni pizza. I felt like that was my cue to get out of there. I went back into the bus where the bus driver was reading a magazine. I was told when everybody was done eating, we were to wait in the bus and the bus would take us to the motel we would stay in.

I arrived at the motel with 3 other roommates. There were 2 huge queen sized beds and it was supposed to be 2 people per bed. I remember one of my roommates said they wanted to sleep on the floor for no reason. The other 2 were siblings so they were okay with sleeping in the same bed. While it was nice to have a queen size bed to myself, I kind of felt bad for the classmate who slept on the floor. I was sure they just didn't want to sleep next to me, but I didn't want to assume. Maybe they thought I would them while they were asleep? I don't know. I was still sad after today.

The next day we went to a different amusement park, disneyland to be exact, and I was sure I was going to be alone again. I didn't even bother to try to talk to anybody on the bus. My plan was to go to a part of the park that had very few people and just sit on a bench until it was time to go home. But something nice happened. My roommate, the one who chose to sleep on the floor, told me they were going to hang out with a couple of people from our choir class. My roommate actually invited me to hang out with them at disneyland. I was jumping for joy inside. I was so happy. Someone who actually wanted to spend time with me. I met them and I know they're in my choir class, but I never got close to my classmates. I found out they were all very friendly and we had a blast at disneyland and california adventure. That day was 10x more fun than yesterday. I remember trying a mint julep for the first time, conquering my fears on a roller coaster, making a silly face while the cameras snapped a picture while on the roller coaster, and actually talking to people who enjoyed my company. 

As I'm typing this, the first day of the field trip was fresh in my mind. It kind of hautned me as I was writing "And There You Were". I almost forgot that the second day was so much fun. I forgot I met some of the nicest people in the world. I remembered one of the people in that group actually asked me to prom and I was flattered. I wasn't really interested in them, but I guess they wanted to go as friends so I accepted. I really wish I kept in contact with those people. 

I wanted to share this with my readers because I wanted to show where I get my inspiration for writing. My life is full of writing material and some of the things that were mentioned in ATYW, were based on true events in my life. If you want to know how some of the chapters relate to my life, PM me :)