Hey guys

I am really sorry (again) for not updating anything in a while... -.-
You see I have some problems. To be very honest with you before I start I just want to say, that I am not the kind of person who talks about her problems with everyone and complains about how horrible and crappy her life is. because first of all my life isn't horrible (but crappy) and I don't really like sympathy, 'cause it never really helps anything. 
So why am going to spill out all my emotions to the entire world right now, sothat it's going to stay in the internet for for ever and ever? I don't really know either.....

Basicly, I couldn't care less about y grades. If it were up to me, I'd just stop studying the subjects that don't interest me and study for the ones I am interested in. Seems logical, right? Buuut, I can't do that, cause I want my Latin certificate (you get it after studying latin for about 5 years... WHY did I choose latin again?!?! -.-) oh and by the way, I have no idea if you say it like that... here in germany it's the "kleine Latinum" = small latinum..... ANYWAYS I really don't want to let my parents down, 'cause up till last year, my grades were always ok. I am not super smart nor smart. I'm just average. Now I'm one of the not so good students. And to be honest, I couldn't care less. I don't want to do anything with Physics or Biology or History or Politics later on, I want to become an architect/interior designer/blogger/artist. I don't really plan anything big with my life.... I'm a dreamer, but not when it comes to cereers. To sum this up: my grades aren't reaaally good.
Then, I've got these familly issues, like my sister and her f****ng mouth. she just can't SHUT THE EFF UP!!!!!!!!! Every dinner there's some kind of argument about the stupidest frigging thing ever and everyone ends up -- correction: she, my mom and my dad end up yelling the s**t out of each other about some crap!! EVERY MEAL!!! It's really sickening. And then when we'd be cleaning up she'd always something like: "Your parents are so retarded" or "This family is the stupidest ever" And I'm like SHUT THE EFF UP!!!!!! And the ONLY reason all of the arguments start is beacause of HER temper and HER big effing mouth!!! You talk and in the middle she just interrupts with something like: "that's not true." or "what?! WHEN did I ever say that?!?!" or something else and it's sooooooo annoying!! I really have to bite my tounghe to keep from yelling at her, but sometimes I slip and my lid just flies, but everyone explodes at sompoint right? It's just, everything has  to go her way, otherwise she acts like a friggin' 3 year old that is having a fit, cause she can't have any chocolate. And she's 19. FRIGGIN' 19!!!!!!!!! I really can't stand her. 
And on top of that, If you read my blog (pandab00/PanadBoo), you know I put in two posts titled "to ignore" and "invisible", right? well that has a meaning. You see sometimes, when I talk, somebody would interrupt me (acctually always) and then that person would keep on talking to the point that everyone forgot I wanted to say something. OR when a person stops talking and I start going: "So,..." I automatically get interrupted and another person starts talking just like I wasn't even saying anything!! And it happens every single f***ng day!!! At the beginning of meals, I'd be happy and stuff and by the time the meals done, I'm really quiet and barely smile. My dad recently complained about it, and was like why are you so moody? I AM NOT FRIGGIN" MOODY!! I JUST REALLY DON'T APPRECIATE BEING IGNORED!!!!! But I can't say that to their face, 'cause they's be all: we're not ignoring you and you should speak up more! HELLO?!?! SPEAK UP!?! How can i speak up if you don't even let me speak?! I've been kind of well... not depressed... a step down from that you know? yeah, i;ve been like that. I've been doing alot of crying.... and to be honest, the only thing that really helps me gat back up and stop thinking suicidal (I know what your thinking: why the hell would you think suicidal?! Well..... I have my reasons) is when I listen to music. Unfortinalty my sister "hates" K-pop, even tho she has never listened to it before, and starts yelling at me when I listen to it. So I use my headphones.BUT then my dad gets all red face and: I TOLD YOU MULTIPLE TIMES TO NOT USE YOUR HEADPHONES IN THE HOUSE!!! buuuut i still do it. I also really don't like listening to music out loud unless I'm alone, cause I like to turn it up at times, or when a good song comes up. 

So yeah... sorry if you turned from happy ^__^ to ---> less happy ---.--- 
Love you!!

-PandaBo09