Wow. I’m honestly very surprised about how ELF (including myself) react abt this issue right now.  but let me try to get things straight here for you guys... I knw all of us have the same heart broken feeling. Yes IT'S ING !!!

Does it hold that once we’re a fan of an idol we’re supposed to be upset when he’s out with a girl or when he falls in love? IT DOESN’T. Can’t fans be perfectly happy for their idol because they’s finally able to see that side of him that he’s tried so hard to repress over the years because of people like us — people who hold him back from his being capable of loving and living? I'm looking forward to see Donghae on WGM because I can finally see him get awkward and sweet with a girl, I can see him take care of a girl and I can finally have at least a sneak peek of how he really is as a guy, as a real person and not some idol we lock in a cage for us to droll over and admire at, all for ourselves and consider as someone who’s not supposed to fall in love with anybody else but us. Tbh I try my best not to judge people who go "I’m hurt that he’s with this girl...and blah..blah and all that because I guess that’s how they express their love, but what we’re doing is just ridiculous.

I don’t need to explain any further how much I value, respect, love and adore Donghae. I’m not gonna spend time here trying to tell you how much it hurt me and broke my heart whenever I saw him sad when he remembers his father, when he just keep quite and look down during group interview or his tired looking face in airport pics or whenever I saw him sitting down during Mr. Simple performances because he hurt his leg; how incredible it felt the first time I saw him in person ing up closed, how lucky I am to be one of those lucky ELF who able to reach for his hand during concert and how I’ve been waiting each day to get more chance to see him; how spazzy I am whenever he tweets and post a selca of himself because that there is enough to reassure me that as of that moment he was well and fine; and how proud I am of him when he gets up on stage and performs or when there is news of a drama he’s in or a song he composed. I never forget to mentioned Super junior in every of my prayer, sincerely praying for God to always bless them to be always healthy and happy everyday. For God to always watch over and protect them just like how I always pray for my family everytime.  I’m not gonna tell you any of that because with that thinking of ours I’m sure we wouldn’t understand.

But this is what I’m gonna tell myself — I love Donghae for everything that he is and he isn’t; for all his perfections and all his imperfections; for everything he has done and hasn’t done, and everything else in between. Donghae is  my kind of perfect. He is someone I want nothing more than to see him happy regardless of whether I’m gonna be part of that happiness or not, and he isn’t someone I intend to keep for myself. Go believe whatever you want, but the truth I hold and I believe in is that; I love him. I do.

Guys.... I'm LYING!!!!!! Yes I ing lying to myself!!! Above statement is all rubbish!!! I kept telling myself that as a true ELF I'll accept anything less or more about SUJU. Of course all of them are ordinary people but we're ELF can makes them special because Suju can always count on ELF in everything!!! And give them my utmost and unconditional endless support!!

I'M NOT OKAY! YES MY HEART IS ING BROKEN AND YES IT'S ING HURT!!

YES I ING CRYING MY HEART OUT IN THE CORNER OF MY ROOM LIKE SOME PATHETIC ELFISH AS I AM!! YES HIS SMILE IS MELTING MY HEART BUT AT THE SAME TIME I FELT THOUSANDS OF KNIFES  STABING MY HEART SEEING HIM EXTREMLY CLOSE WT THAT GIRL!! Yes I'm possessive. Yes Donghae is my ultimate bias. Yes I'm being delusional. Yes I'm selfish. Yes I'm rude. Yes I'm such a fail to be ELF.

Oh God I shouldn't be like this. Shame on me for calling my self as an ELF when in fact I always have this feeling. I'm just another girl who go all gaga fangirling, drolling over Donghae. I bet Donghae oppa will be disappointed in me :'( :'(

I'm sorry for being like this. I'm sorry for being myself. I'm sorry for being such a fail. I'm sorry for disgracing my beloved fandom. I really am sorry. 

I dare not post this on my tumbr because I'm just being a coward. What will my 3000+ followers think of me, when I always pretend to be such a supportiv fan, and I'm all excited for WGM. 

I'm sorry :'( :'( May be I'll be a bad for the time being; Think Donghae as a hobby and not as a hubby!!