AN APOLOGY AND AN EXPLANATION TO EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU GUYS OUT THERE BECAUSE I THINK I OWE YOU GUYS ONE!

Hi guys and everybody who has been keeping tabs and following my stories and requesting my presence back on Asianfanfics. I know most of you guys out there are pissed, angry, furious, annoyed, irritated by the Missing-In-Action me, but I can explain for my 3 months and coming to 2 weeks of absence. You guys can hate me or whatever but I have my own personal reasons and I think maybe it is time for me to let you guys know. 

Firstly, I have no plans of leaving this Asianfanfics website. Never had it once crossed my mind. The final time I logged into this account was the date that I uploaded 'Crazy In Love' chapter 34, and also the day where things started to go crazy and ty for me. To all those readers who have a strong desire to read 'Crazy In Love', I can assure you that no, this story is never going to stopped. It is just on a break but I know you guys couldn't stand the long missing updates on it but as I say, I can explain. After uploading the latest chapter of 'Crazy In Love', I met some problems in reality and both here. Writing SeoEXO fanfics is the only way where I can freely express my undying love for them, and how much I really ship them. But then, the SeoEXO fans started to decrease at an alarming rate, that I thought that there are no longer any fans left and what is the point for writing? And I realised how childish I am during these few months of absence when I was connecting with people both in reality and virtually. I met so many SeoEXO fans everywhere, and they use Asianfanfics as a platform to build a communication with other fans and to share their undying love for this ship. And I was like 'This is amazing. SeoEXO's spirit is going to be alive.' 

I wanted to log on back to Asianfanfics to carry on my writing but then, I kind of slipped back into a slight depression period. Haha, Yes, this me here, insanegirl, has mild depression but isn't considered to be those serious where therapy is needed. I give myself therapy during these few months to really find myself and help myself. No, I don't cut myself, be rest assured. I mean, I do self-harm but no cuttings involved. I promise. Just some bruises and bristles. Well, back to my point, I fell into one of the darkest periods in my whole 15 years of my life, and I had no motivation or mood to do anything. To be honest, there was so many thing scrashing down on my shoulders and that I couldn't breathe. I felt like putting a dot - a fullstop to my life, really. But then, I didn't because somehow or another, I decided to give another shot to live, to breathe past this darkest period. Studying became a chore to me, and my grades slipped tremendously. Most of my subjects were like at borderlines passing, and my second language is becoming like some ailen language. I start to judge everything in my life including myself, and I began to feelinsecure about myself. 

Writing is one my insecurities. My English teaacher during the beginning of the year till now has been grading my essays and just giving me a pass and I thought that I had no hope or link to writing. In fact, she told me that I coudn't write. Yeah, a breaking point since I am writing here and everywhere. She criticized every single piece of my work that I hate writing so badly. Like really, honestly. I don't even have the mood to hold a pen to even write my name. 

Myself is the biggest insecurity. I don't know what you guys' insecurities are but I am one of my own insecurities or fears. I hate mysself. I hate everything about myself. I am not pretty or skinny in reality. I am average-looking but fat. Yes, fat as what my family calls me. I am afraid of going out in public, I am afraid of how people look at me in those sleazy and skimpy clothes and I don't even dare to wear shorts or skirts. I dress ugly, and start to diet but no, I didn't get skinnier. In fact, my weight remains the same that it is so scary with taunting names and mockery from my family. I was trying to save myself during these few years, since 2012 till now and I am still 

Then, I don't know what happened but recently, I talked to one of my closest friends and she is really skinny, like her body is nice. I asked her whether she has any insecurities and she threw a long list of hers to me, and I was shocked. Like, she is always happy. I told her mine and guess what she said. "Everybody on Earth is born to be imperfect and it is normal for us to feelinsecure of oursevles, but darling, you don't have to be insecure about your appearance. You are who you are, and I love you for that. I think you are pretty and that you are really in a good shape and that you are amazing. If everybody is supposed to be perfect, she or he has to be either Barbie Doll or Ken." And she is right. I talked to her the whole day, about humans and their insecurities and I guessed I am feeling slightly better

And why did I decided to reappear and make you guys scream in agony at me? It isn't because I decided to have some fans or whatever . I deicde to use my insecuriy - writing- to express myself however I want. I am going to relate SeoEXO fanfics to reality in this world and I am going to start writing again. I know you guys hate me for disappearing without a reason or without a trace, and you guys are mad but please do understand that I am really facing certain difficulities in my life. I can't promise you guys when my next 'CrazyIn Love' update is going to be. Maybe next year,or 2017, I don't know but I won't stopped the story. I wrote 30 chapters of it and I am going to finish it. I just need the time. Furthermore, my finals are approaching and I need to pull my grades back up to a B at least to survive through this year. Writing officially begins at the second week of OCTOBER and I hope that you guys can understand. In fact, I really wish you guys will just revisit my other stories, and in fact, after aiming to finish writing 'Crazy In Love' here, I might be expanding my writing wbsites to Wattpad, using generic names instead of Kpop. 

Lastly, I am really really really really really really really really really really really really really sorry for disappearing on you guys all of a sudden! I never mean it but I had to take a break from everything including my phone to just help myself. And, no, I am not happy yet and I won't be but I beleve that happiness is hard to find but yet, possible to achieve. It taks times, and I am going to write. Start writing again. insanegirl is back for now, but officially back when you see the first update of 'Crazy In Love'. In fact, I am going to start the draft for chapter 31 and probably start focusing on both writing and studying. If you guys want to know anything else about when official updates will be up, just drop a message and I will reply. In fact, a schedule will be coming along on 9th October of updates of stories, and I have make the mark for 'Crazy In Love' 's official comeback! So please, just support the plot and just read the story again and hold on tight. I, insanegirl, promise that I will update you guys soon when future plannings have been confirmed.

P.S I AM PLANNING TO MAKE A COLLABORATION WITH MY FRIEND HERE, SO JUST STAY TUNED OKAY? I AM REALLY SORRY GUYS, BUT I LOVE YOU ALL!

P.S.S This blog goes out specially to hereandnow13, xxgina_nguyenxx and certifiedpotato who have dropped like really encouraging messages and been supporting me for like forever! I think you guys are amazing, and deserve this shoutout!

insanegirl x