Dear you,

First, i cant care much about my grammars or english anymore. Second, this is a goodbye letter. Third, I lost something very important for every writers in the world ; my words. Last time, I told all of you that i am going to take one year hiatus but it's not getting better. Of course there are days when I have this mood to write but then its never finished. I write a lot of drafts and abandon it later. I feel so depressed to have a lot of inspiration but not being able to write it down, to make it a whole complete story. I really hate to abandon every story i write and i find myself really really anxious everytime i try to write.

I just cant.

My last finished written story here is "Fill the blank" for Kaisoo Valentine's Project, and I almost cant finish it, but earlier I promised Ruca already and it wont be able to finish if sleeplessbeauty9 not been helping me all this time. At first its only a really rough draft and she's the one who help written it into wonderful story. I know there are a lot of people who supporting me all this time, and i want to say thankyou to all of you, really, i feel so grateful, and i love you all, i really do.

Also, there are people who give negative comments about me and it's okay, thankyou to all of you too, it just our reality really different and it's okay to dislike something.

I'm sorry really, i wont be able to finish any story here and i am not going to write here anymore. Dont worry but i will spoil the story later.

i feel so so so and so sorry.

& goodbye.

Until I find my words again, love,

el.

-some of drafts on my phone notes

For Kyungsoo falling in love with Jongin wasn't like chasing fireflies in the summer or watching sunrise together. It was not sugar and sweet kind of love he saw in the movies. It was more like picking rose with his bare hand, he know the thorns would hurt him but he did it anyway and sometimes for him it was like waking up alone and waiting for Jongin to come back.

For Jongin losing Kyungsoo wasn't like a dramatic goodbye or a long passionated kiss. There was not even a single chance for him to hold Kyungsoo for the last time. It was like a blurry note and an utterly empty hospital room.

"Jongin we cant do this anymore, not like this, not when we are hurting each other." Kyungsoo said softly, stern, hurt as Jongin sleep peacefully beside him. His breath slow and steady, sometimes his eyes flickered or sometimes he frowned like he just have some nightmare, everynight. "Do you still dream about him? How can you make me compete with a ghost?" Kyungsoo said again, bitter. He felt his chest tightening and a lump grow inside his throat. He imagined what if today the last day he'd see Jongin, how he wouldn't survive without this guy. "I think i love you less than before, but im still alive and i love you and im going to cook you delicious breakfast tomorrow" Kyungsoo kissed Jongin's cheek before fall into deep slumber.

We both fall in love as the world crashing down on us, suffocated us, as people point their finger to him and me, I really dont care, It doesnt matter what people said to us at day as long as my body pressed to his every night, because at that time I really loved him, i still now.

-

"Jongin let's eat," Kyungsoo said softly, he look concerned because Jongin looked so pale, so weak. "I brought this leftovers from restaurant last night, its still good though and delicious"

"Let's go to school's rooftop then" Jongin replied,

"do it now." kyungsoo said as he choked back his tears. both of them were crying, both of them know the consequences of their action, and jongin know he would not survive another day after this. "kyungsoo please," jongin tremble, he leaned closer to kyungsoo and kiss him passionately, "i dont know what i can save you from. dont make me do this"

"kim jongin if you really love me then set me free."

"i cant kyungsoo, i cant, i wont survive without you"

"It's still raining" Kyungsoo muttered as he leaned on kitchen's stool. He could heard the sound of the rain tiptap the street and coldness crept into his apartment.

"Guess I need to stay a night,"  Jongin said before took a sip of hot chocolate from his mug. Well kyungsoo's mug. He watched as Kyungsoo look slightly uncomfortable

"I could sleep in sofa. Unless you want me to be in your bed"

Just like another stations in big cities, city hall known as one of the busiest station in seoul. The noises of stranger chatter with each other, trains arriving and leaving, announcements from a voice whose face you never see, the sound of door opening and closing, and of course the smell of coffee in the morning. Kyungsoo yawning, half sleepy, he realize he not a morning person but still he need to forced himself. For his god damn college and for his god damn future. "I hope the train wont be late today" He muttered under his breath while checking his watch. It is forty five minutes before his class start and the train would take 30 minutes from here to kwangwoon university. It left him 15 minutes to run to his class with this heavy backpack and slr camera that slung casually on his right shoulder with black strap. Sometimes he wish he enrolled to Seoul University instead, it would only take 15 minutes from his apartment and see how he would save more sleep. More sleep! And yet if he could rewind the time he'd still choose kwangwoon. There are plenty of reasons for that. First, he doubt his brain would suit Seoul University. Second, its the rebelling side of him not to take same almamater like his arrogant father. Third, he following his passion here, majoring in literature and art.

"Excuse me?" A low voice snapped Kyungsoo back to reality, he looked at where the voice belong, a boy who taller than him, wearing high school uniform, worn out navy converse, with messy hair, deep brown eyes and sharp jawline, there are few bruises on his face. Unconsciously, Kyungsoo have this urge feeling to touch the boy bruise, to trace it with his index finger, to know where he got it from.

"Yes?" Kyungsoo finally managed to say.

"Are you Do Kyungsoo?"

"yes, have we met somewhere before?"

"uhm I found this portfolio journal yesterday, on the train, It is yours right?" The boy handed him black leather journal.

"oh, yes," Kyungsoo glanced to the name tag that embroidered on his uniform, Kim Jongin. "Thank you Kim Jongin, I though i would never see this journal again"

"But you though wrong," Jongin took one step back, half smiled. "Goodbye then"

"Wait, you are taking this train too right?"

"Uh-huh"

"Let's go together then" Kyungsoo said, offering Jongin wholeheartedly smile.

Earth 2xxz

It's been winters over 89 years.

there's no Autumn.

no spring.

no summer.

no sun.

It's happen so suddenly that scientists cant explain what happened, after 4.567 billion years the most important source of
energy for life finally died and left only darkness on Earth.

First year after incident:

Chaos everywhere.

Five years after incident:

The scientist tried their best to providing lights and foods.

Ten years after incident:

Humans population decreased into 60%

Twenty five years after incident:

Human race close to extinct. Only a few survive.

Fifty years after incident:

The scientist found a replacement for sun.

They called it matahari and remarks beginning of 'hope' era.

Sixty eight years after incident:

A little boy was born and his mother wish he wouldn't as cold as winter.

 -

"Kyungsoo," Jongin said softly as he searching for Kyungsoo's hand. It's so dark right here. It's been 3 months they havent have enough points to buy lights,

" Jongin, you dont see the light the way i see it, for you it's a everyday lives, for me it's a gift, you're the best gift i had after a long time presence of darkness."

"What's so good about 2015 anyway?" Kyungsoo asked Jongin, his eyes focused on his cellphone, waiting. Still there's no respond from Jongin's brown eyes, cheeky bones, pale face.

He sighed, "you are still not here either"

Jongun disappear as soon as Kyungsoo turned off his cellphone.