It's too hot to sleep. One of the things I used to enjoy about the summer was the breeze coming in through my window, creating noise for me to listen to, letting in the sounds of the streets. It would let my mind wander, wondering where these people were going, reminding me that other people exist, think, feel, and have their own obligations. 

 

Now the window is closed, and the only thing that I hear is my own breathing. It's suffocating, almost, go not have distractions. You start to think of nonsense, you start to wonder what would happen if you just decided to stop your breathing, to silence what seems to be so loud. Your breathing is the only thing you hear, you are the only one in the world. What a horrible world it is, if the only one that matters in the moment is someone you're not too fond of.

 

Waiting for dawn used to be relaxing, relieving. Now it's painful, numbing. The deep blues that seep in through the open blinds don't bring in serenity with them. They're suddenly sad. Lonely.

 

Being alone was never truly an issue. Loneliness was something I could put up with, something I taught myself to value. But you can only live for so long, keeping to yourself. The emotional baggage can't be taken away by one night stands or dinner dates.

 

It seems like I didn't learn to be alone, I only learned to sit in silence for a while, acting like it was normal. The silence is too much.