thank you all so much. I can never express how much it means to me that you all care. I am very sorry I caused you to worry and have been so dodgy when you ask if I am okay.

Maybe a blog isn't the best place to put this but messaging each of you individually seems like a lot of work hehehe.

The thing is I'm not okay, I haven't been and probably won't be for awhile. I am very sad, when I get very sad I crawl inside my own head and live in just that sadness. Friends try to help but usually I just end up pretending until it feels real. 

Right now I am in quite a bit of pain too. I have a doctors appointment on Thursday that may shed some light on that but until then I am on some medicine that helps a little bit. 

Again thank you and sorry to everyone that worried I will try and get better and unless something bad happens at the doctor I will have new content up this weekend and be back to my old uploading schedule.