Why do I even try to make friendships.

I feel like I'm always surrounding myself with disloyal people. 

We've been friends for a good portion of my life. How dare you abuse our friendship. 

I don't need a "friend" who's only going to text me when you need something. I don't need a "friend" who makes me the last resort, the last choice on the list. I don't need a "friend" who doesn't give me a second glance the moment you're with other people. I don't need a "friend" who only talks to me because I'm the only person left in the room. I've done so ing much for you, and I don't need your bull.

Am I too easy? Is it wrong of me to purposely be thick-skinned and just laugh everything off because I'm avoiding conflict? Is that the reason why you think it's okay to snap at me whenever you're in a bad mood? To cuss me out when you just don't feel like "being there" or because you saw someone who irritates? I'm supposed to be your friend, not your ing punching bag. Maybe I tolerated it when you were better to me, but with the way you treat me now, you're nothing but the level of an acquaintance to me. Your friends that I've only known for a few months treat me better than you do.

"We haven't hung out in a while." Well of course not. The way you treat our supposed "friendship" as a joke is why I don't feel like being near you.

"Why did you leave so quickly?" Well why would I wait for you if you don't wait for me? A relationship takes two to work.

Why do you think I don't tell you anything about my life when I used to tell you everything? Because when I try when we're with your friends, you brush me off; you look disinterested; you give short, bored answers. Obvi I'm not gonna continue

TL;DR: You .

To my AFF friends, I'm sorry if you read that. It wasn't meant to be read. It was meant for me to just vent. I needed to put it out there for myself. 

Also, if I seemed to be unreasonable, hormonal, or overreacting, I am.  But I don't know that yet. Maybe I'll look at this post in a year or two and be like "Man I was dumb." But now, I'm just tired of shiet.