For the past seven years I have been a fan of Super Junior, or widely known as ELF, i have never attended any concert nor Super Shows. Well there's only two answers to that, I'm not a (1) richkid bruh. I'm just a simple fan, with little merchandises. My parents might be supportive but you know not financially. 

Yes, I know that most fans hold on to their earnings. Or they had already kept an amount of money for that concert or what, but hey bruh I also do that. I do that called thing 'IPONING' but it's the unforeseen circumstances that forbids me to see my Oppars. It ing hurts bruh, IT DOES. Like URGH! 

Last Super Show 5 in the Philippines, I was actually cutting my expences just save up for that concert. And I had talked to my Mom, actully had a deal with her that she'd help me go to that concert, financially. In return for being a Dean's Lister and a consistent Honor Student and my advance birthday gift. In five years, that was the first time she agreed bruh so it was kinda important. BUUUUUUUUT! I had to enroll for my second semester in college so she said I must sacrifice that chance to see my Oppars in order for me to get enrolled. Well I have nothing to do but just said "Okay." Bruh, i cried for hours in the bathroom. My earnings was almost there, but it was still lacking. I couldn't borrow to my friends because I'm jobless and just a student. So I let it be. October 20, It was my 5th year anniversary for being an ELF. I cried alone at home after an event. That same day we, Davao ELF, won the 'Best Fandom' award. If I was allowed to go to the concert I could be much more proud because, dude we just won a best fandom award! Of course you'd be proud! 

Days before the concert it feels like hell to me. I didn't talk much. Just facing the internet, which brought me heartaches more. On the day of the concert, I had talked to my friends that I'd call them or they would call me so that I could hear even just their voices. And yes, I heard almost half of the concert. That gave me a relief, I was there, virtually. LMAO. And that feeling when you heard them sing 'MARRY U', I CRIED OF COURSE! 

So, being a 'poor fan' isn't just all that. I am a freaking (2) PROVINCIAL FAN. You know that? It means I have to travel from Mercury to Earth just to see them for hours. If saving up for that concert ticket is hard, then think of the plane fair and accommodation we have to pay for. DUDE WHAT IS POOR!! (Poor? that is before five right? HOHO what a joke -_-) 

Fans living in cities where concerts are held is very much lucky. They just have to think of the concert tickets and land transportation. Life is not really that fair, right? Well let's just accept 'cause no one could change that fact. Move on! What hurts more is that, when you feel like expressing you can't attend and they'd be like "you should know that the concert is approahing, iponing girl!" "hey girl, you should go 'cause it could be their last here" "why don't you just blablabla" and other stuff. Easy for you to say, but do you really understand our situation? To deepest reason of our misfortune? NO. 

We must understand this kind of phase in our fangirl lives. We should get over it, those misfortunate things and events. You have to fight thourgh some bad days to earn the best days of your life. There's always a rainbow after the rain so it's okay to mourn over something but you should know how to move on. That is just a sad chapter of your fangirl life. You know that roller coaster rides wouldn't be extremely fun and memorable if there's no ups and downs. 

Today, April 12, It's the day for Best Of Best in Manila. And yes, I am missing it. I am missing Super Junior for the nth time. And guess what, my reaction isn't as bad as the first time. Why? Because right now I've grown old. Yep, in twenty years almost reaching twenty one, I understand what God is trying to make me understand. It's the lesson of waiting. I know this might be their last concert in the Phillipines but hey! we shouldn't be judging what future could be throwing right? They are alive and performing, that's more important. Because that means they can still go on concerts and yes girl you can attend at the right time! And hell yes, I was saving up because I'm working now, but still it's too far. 

I understand why this is happening. I trust God's plans are much better than mine. He loved me too much, and I know He would not dissappoint me. He is preparing me for a bigger surprise. And one day I would thank Him for giving all these msfortunes. Like what my Dad told me, on a sunday tv mass, he said that we should all be thankful of the struggles we are going through instead of getting pissed off. Struggles makes us strong. Through all those obstacles we take part on Jesus' crucifixion. Took part on the pain he felt when he was nailed on the cross. He was nailed and died on that cross because of our sins, to save us from our sins. You know what, thinking that you took part on it, it somehow ends up you saved people from sins. 

And most of all I understand why people kept on saying that some fans are plastic. Okay I am really not that good at expressing feelings through words. Right now, I often see posts on facebook referring to some fans as plastic because they keep on posting "It's okay i can't go to the concert. Good luck" "I know there's always the right time" "I'd wait for the perfect timing for me to attend" I mean hey, do you know the reason why they can't attend? Why they can't see their biases? Why they can't see the love-of-their-fangirl-lives perform? Why they can't afford to buy a concert ticket? For their Transportation? I bet YOU DO NOT. If they understand the reason behind them not attending, you should respect it not DEHUMANIZE THEM. Yes, you just randomly say it like not mentioning someone but dude you know you are targetting certain people. 

I admit that before I was an annoying immature fan. If there's fanwar, I'd reaload my gun and randomly fire it. But right now, I understand. I have grown mature. I learn how to understand things. I know this is kinda self-proclaimed but this is base on how I react towards the events in my fangirl life. I rant almost everytime when i'm online but now? Thank God i'm not like that anymore. (Okay, maybe it did tone down, that's good. HAHA) So If you think that you are that person, don't hurry and change will come your way. Please don't get me wrong. I am only sharing what happend to me the past few months. What I realized. And I hope that you will someday. You shall my friend. God is coming your way ☺

GOD SPEED EVERYONE. Enjoy the Best Of Best Manila. 

Lee Hyukjae? I know someday we'd meet. In God's perfect time. I love you so much my dear. 

Nothing is forever but eternity exists. Why? Because HIS ETERNAL LOVE STILL EXISTS. GOD'S LOVE ♥

Eternally yours SJ.