a/n: warning for grammatical errors everywhere bcs i dont really care lol 

so i have multiple accounts in aff. idk i have habit to 'create new acc' wheather it's on aff, twitter, tumblr, etc etc. i always told to myself to stop doing it but i cant. is this some kind of... habit or something else idk. sighs. but the main point im rambling in here is not because of that.

i have many acc, and i also have many fics everywhere. and not one (expect oneshot) have finished -_- i have this mood swings? i tend to have many ideas, billionth of it. i have desire to write down all of them but i always getting bored halfway or even after first chapter i already gave up.

actually im getting sick of this. can you imagine how ed up i am if this continue at my work? i would getting bored, resign and move. it's pretty scary!

and today i log in again in this acc and got notifs for new subscribers and new comment. someone leave a comment telling me that she will wait for my 11-months-not-updated-fic... i want to cry. i hate myself for being easliy lost motivation. i'm badly want to continue all my fics, but i dont know.... really...

i often ask myself is this a writerblock? or it's me, im like this?

but then i realize, i write for my readers, not for myself. so when i dont get many respond, i will slacking off. im so ashamed with myself. i cant even write well but i want many people like my stories? seriously, i felt disgusted for being like this.

im sorry for being like this.