break ups had always been difficult. they never were easy, anyhow. so when she said it simply, like a line from a movie, i swallowed back my tears with all my might—just to keep myself from looking like total . i already was feeling like total . in addition to that, i have my brother playing with his toys in front of me. i didn't want to burst. no, not that moment. no, not when i refused to cry at mga grandfather's funeral. 

it has been exactly 7 days since the big break up. and i feel better today than yesterday. and i will probably feel better tomorrow than today. it has been hard for the past couple of nights, especially on the days i've got nothing to do. but the nights were the hardest. all i want to do is fall asleep. i'm dead tired but my mind won't stop bugging me with replays of our conversation in my mind. and i can hear my heart break a little each time. instead of hearing lullabies in my head, i can hear her laughter. i shiver every time i do so. 

one thing i picked up from the depressing moments of our life, you tend to go overboard with food. even when you're not hungry, you shove food inside yor mouth. this happened to me when my grandfather died. i ate and ate and ate. by the end of the funeral service, i gained like 4 kgs. but we're talking about home here. home, when you're in here and you're finding food, you'll never find it. but when you're in there and you're not finding food, it'll come to you. i'm trying to find food in our refrigerator. we got nothing. my mother asked what i would like to eat. i told her yogurt (knowing that i'm sad and i overeat when i am so). my father bought me groceries, and i chose this big box of corn flakes knowing my circumstance. breakfast, lunch and dinner—i eat them. and i feel better. 

it really is true. you eat all your feelings. it's great they turn into weight because it takes your mind off of the real problem.