Even if I'm a girl who doesn't easily get attracted and swept off by a guy's charm, I'm not a stone who cannot feel. There are still times I got immersed in opposite genders' appeal. I'm still a girl after all. XD

Way back in third year HS, I had this huge admiration to my classmate. He was once my enemy (honestly), which eventually turned to be one of my most trusted oppa and best friend.

He is a year and a half older than me (well, most of my classmates are older than me and it makes me belong in the maknae line if I'm not the maknae). We've been really close and there are moments we two are the only ones together. I admire him because:

- he is really good looking (the second heartthrob in our batch next to our classmate who is a look-alike of Justin Bieber)

- he has a nice lean body and flawless skin. (He looks so firm even he's not too tall. He's not skinny nor fat either. He has the body size I like for a guy)

- he has these big eyes (1/4 bigger than mine which I prefer for a guy too) His eyelashes are thick and long, plus a bit wavy.

- he is talented. He has this serenading voice that makes me relax. He can't sing too high notes though. He raps, plays piano and guitar. He composes songs (and one time he sang some of those to me to ask my opinion)

- he's a part of the school's dance troupe/glee club/student republic

- he's an athlete/contestant for LitMus contests

- he's friendly and playful

- he fetches me at home and will be the one to ask permission to my mom if we are going somewhere and I'm not allowed

All in all, he has some of the qualities I like mostly for a guy. And I'm so impressed. All I can ever do is to support him, help him, be beside him and sometimes be the one to finish his projects. I consider myself lucky to be close to him when others want to, but cannot find how.

But when we entered college, (we're of the same course and class. wew), things got unexpected, well especially for me. He distanced himself to me and IDK why, yet I didn't mind. I'm not planning to be serious about my feelings for him (err, so awkward to actually say it) nor make a big deal out of it.

He got along with other girls often (most of our classmates are pretty, no kidding) and he made a gap between us, only approaching me in times of need. I felt used.

I want to know, what's the reason of this?

That continued in a long time. We seldom talk and there are days we never interact with each other. I got to know Kyungsoo, then EXO, and other Kpop Groups even more, that I indulged myself stanning them, leaving me no time to mind nor care for him.

After I was trapped in EXO's and Kpop's magic, he started telling me to stop because he said I will never understand them. And English songs are better that he can sing or suggest songs for me to listen to. I only stuck my tongue out on him and say "No" everytime he tells me that. Hah.

Now, things went surprising again. It's been months since we last talked (November 2014?) And I was taken aback when he approached me more than 2 weeks ago. It was our P.E. time and we were on the field. I was playing korean songs from my phone, sitting on the grass few feet away from him and he was taking selca that time. He slide beside me and told me: "Let's take a picture together Riz. :)"

Me: (wide-eyes)-(furrowed brows)-(frowned) Huh? Hehe. No.

Him: Come on. This is a rare chance.

Me: No. You could take a photo all by yourself.

Him: Hey. Come on Riz. This is seldom only!

Me: I know. But I don't want to.

After that day, he started sharing me his food and drinks again like we used to. (We shared the same utensils, items, jerseys and food/drinks before. None of us mind it since it's a thing we do to other friends too.)

I want to know what's the reason?

But even if that's the case, I still turn down the offers. It's just, it were months that we haven't talked (I have no idea why), and so, why now? I guess I'm feeling awkward since he became a stranger to me for an amount of time.

I decided to stop being awkward and accept his presence again and so I asked him to be my companion for the debut of my close friend (that was held February 8)  since he was invited too and he agreed.

We have 4 days to prepare and think of the gift and maybe that's the reason why we got along well those days somehow.

On the day before the event, I texted him the whole day, but he doesn't reply, so I stick to the thought he may not have load. The next day, I contacted him again, reassuring he'll attend and I have someone to go there with (it'll be awkward to ride in a public vehicle dressed up in a cocktail alone) Yet I received no response. I went to the party alone upset, disappointed and mad.

I'm asking, what's the reason for this?

Going back to the classes, I'm still mad. Who wouldn't? Someone promised you that he'll come with you and so you believed. But on that day, he didn't gave any warning that you'll go alone nor any explanations why he didn't show up even you waited for more than an hour for him thinking he'll just come late which didn't happen, rather made you have a grand entrance at the party since it has long started when you arrived.

Maybe that was one of my most embarrassing moments in life. ((T_____T))

Now it's been quite a time and I'm still waiting for an apology and explanation (for not showing up, leaving me alone and not helping me stand up when we bumped into each other during soccer practice just recently--- causing my wounded and sprained feet with extra bruises-- HE'S SAVING ALL HIS FAULTS! ARGH!) Though I admit I hold grudges for a long time, I still forgive even if it takes time, depending on how sincere you are. It's only appropriate right? Say sorry if you're wrong and make up.

I'm only expecting for three words: "I AM SORRY." But nothing has came. Trust is a very important and big thing/issue in my life and all these happenings involved trust. I'm wondering and asking why? What's the reason for these?

I tried opening up with my other friends and their reaction only revolves in:

a) (shrugged shoulders) just act like all's fine. Don't mind it too much. It's a small thing.

b) no reaction

See? How can I lessen what I feel if no one's gonna help me? Even their actions confuse me. :3 I was expecting they're gonna tell me "it's understandable why you're mad" and other stuffs but it's a NoNo. :(

Why?!!

And why do I feel they know something I don't? :/