Chapter 18: I love you, goodbye

 

“Where is she?”

“Kris, how many times do I have to tell you? I don’t know.”

“You’re her sister! It’s impossible for you not to know where she is.”

“I- I’m sorry…”

“Just tell me where she is and I will stop bothering you.”

“Kris….”

“Mi Hi, Please.”

“She is somewhere beyond your reach so please stop calling me. Good bye.”

“Mi Hi!—”

 

Three weeks. It has been three freaking weeks since the last time I heard from Hye Su and I am losing my mind. I have been so busy with international promotions that I’ve been missing out my regular routine in visiting Hye Su in Busan.

For the first time in a long time, I checked her blog again and last night, her latest post was five days ago and it had five words in it. Five hurtful words that pierced right through my heart. 

 

It said: “I love you, good bye.”

 

After I reading that I couldn’t calm myself anymore. I sent Hye Su hundreds of messages, I called Hana and Mi Hi thousands of times but I always get rejected, they won’t tell me where she is or how is she doing and because of that I think I’m going mental.

The other members are starting to get worried because I have become distant with them just like how Hye Su was days before she stopped responding to my messages and e-mails… something I failed to notice if it weren’t for that blog post.

Was there something that I did? Something I said? Or was it because I couldn’t balance my time with her well? There are lots and lots of possibilities for her sudden coldness but none of them fits best... I don’t want to sound egotistical but… I know that the kind of 'relationship' we have is complicated and keeping in touch is one of the primary problems we have especially now that we're doing international promotions, our time zones are completely at odds. It’s hard I know but I’m trying to keep what we have because it’s something I don’t want to lose.

 

“Dui Zhang.” murmurs Tao.

Instead of answering him give him a glare.

“Uh-Are you sure you still want to come to Indonesia? We can always make out an excuse for you you know?”

“What’s the catch?”

“Hyung! There is no catch! If you’re on promotional tour and you’re mood is always like "that" then I think it would be best if you’d sort out things first. I’m just concerned about you.” Wow. This is the first time Tao said something so sweet and so mature to me.

"That?"

"Yeah. You're always spacing out and most of the time, your mood is completely off. It's getting really hard to tolerate. Plus! that's not your style."

I snicker at his comment. “Thanks. I’ll think about it.” he gives me a firm pat on the shoulder trying to give me some encouragement. 

I half smile.

Maybe Tao is right… maybe I should take a break and settle whatever the problem is between Hye Su and I so I can perform well in being EXO-M’s leader.

Wow. I didn't expect that the person that would give me this kind of realization is a maknae. Wheew! 

 It's worth a shot.

Timidly, I walk towards Suho who is with Baekhyun and D.O.

“Hyung…”

He looks up reluctantly. Of course he must've noticed my odd behavior too. “Yes?”

"I have something to discuss with you privately."

He looks at me cynically before moving to the corner where there is only the two of us. "What is it the you want to talk about?" 

“I-- I can’t come to our Indonesia tour…”

 “What happened?! Did something happen at home?” he asks anxiously.

Will he agree if I just tell him the truth? or should I just lie about it? Doesn't he really have any idea what I'm talking about?

My lips press in to a hard line. "It's," I pause for a second to study Suho's mien. "It's Hye Su. I mean I can’t focus in promoting when all I can think about is her. I know something's up and nobody's talking. I mean literally."

"Kris, this is the third time. The third time you are misbehaving for her sake. Are you really that willing to sacrifice your career for her?"

"I--I don't know. All I know is that if I this goes on for another day, I'd go completely mental and I'm not even exaggerating."

“But you represent EXO-M so you cannot be the one missing… Kris, this is work. You are working now so can you please forget about your personal issues and concentrate on work.”

“I know! But I can’t concentrate with her occupying half of my mind. I have encountered so many problems while working before I don’t know why I can’t let this one off. Maybe because… It’s different with her.”

“Spare me the drama.”

“Suho!”

He purses his lips before letting out a sigh of resignation. “Just one day… got that?”

“Got it! Thank you Hyung!”

“Make this count or else…”

“I will.”

 

That very same day I took the train to Busan, I can’t waste this chance given to me by Suho. He has always been very understanding with all of us and I know this request of mine will be a burden to him so I cannot waste this opportunity. His sacrifice, my sacrifice… God, I’ve gone crazy.

I hope she’s home. Please let her be home…

It seems like the odds aren't with me today because three hours passed by really slow to the point I was about to argue with the train operator for their slow-poke service but I tried to remain calm for the sake of sanity.

When I got to Hye Su's gate I notice the awfully quiet neighborhood. I am not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing but it gives me a really heavy feeling... like the calm before the storm. My fist falters a few tines before finally being able to knocking an audible knock to the steel gate.

The front door creeks open and I am holding my breath. The anticipation is driving me nuts!

Please let it be her...please…

 

"K--Kris?"

"Hana?"

"Aren't you supposed to be in Indonesia?"

"And aren't you supposed to be at the studio?"

"I...was just about to go there I just need to get the equipment Hye Su forgot to bring to the studio the other day."

"Right...So-Uhm, where is..."

"Isn't pestering me and Mi Hi enough? Calling me, sending me numerous messages even on Kakao! You shouldn't have gone here. You're wasting your time."

"You can't kick me out. This isn't even your house!" 

I barge in to the gate scessfully so she has nothing more to nag about. "Please call her out." I breathe.

Hana sighs deeply. "Wait in the living room." she stomps her feet back to the house and I am left alone.

I feel happy and relieved knowing that she's home. All the tension I have been feeling since I left Seoul this morning has been replaced with hope now that we can finally talk things over and on top of that, I'm finally seeing her again after three months.

Nostalgia hist me as soon as I enter the house. It feels like I'm in a different dimension.  sit down on the couch and immediately felt nostalgic.

From the first time I came across her blog, to seeing her at our showcase... The trouble I went for coming back to the chaotic room during our fan signing event, pigging out with her at the night market and talking about random things and saving her from those drunkards. Indeed, we've come a long way... though it hasn't been that long since we've met, but there's something about her that is so powerful I can’t resist the attraction...something so ineludible draws me to her I think they call it-- love.

 

"Kris! Hye Su... She's gone...her things are... missing."

Disappointment crosses my face. “What? But you just said…”

Click. Click. Click. It sounded like something unlocking from the outside.

I look at Hana and she looks worried as hell. I can spot beads of sweat form on her forehead by the moment like she’s hiding something.

“What--” I start

Beep beep!

My head snaps to the window near me and all I see is a girl with flowy multi-tonal brown locks step outside the gate with a maroon baggage at hand.

“I didn’t know they had a guest.” I say.

“Me either… probably Mi Hi's friend. Uhm, do you… want some snack? I think Mi Hi baked some cupcakes.”

“But where could have she gone to?”

My off topic question dismays her. “I don’t know. Listen, Mi Hi makes the best cupcakes. You should try it.”

“If Mi Hi is here… and you are here… then who is Hye Su with? She can’t possibly just leave and wander alone in the streets.”

She sighs in annoyance. “She’s mute not physically challenged okay? I'm pretty sure you know that she took up classes in self-defense when she was in Shanghai."

Judging Hana’s tone, Hye Su doesn’t seem to have mentioned to her what happened in the streets of Seoul just a few months ago.

But… come to think of it, Hye Su isn’t the outgoing type. She’d rather stay at home than to shop during warehouse sales. Could Hana be lying about the true location of Hye Su? If she is… where could she really be?

I give Hana a skeptic look.

“What?” She mutters.

Could she be… the girl I saw just now? But… Hye Su has ash brown hair but they both have flowy hair… maybe she changed her hair color? When? Why didn’t she mention it before?

Oh goodness this is so frustrating.

“By any chance… has Hye Su changed her hair color?”

"What? What kind of question is that?"

"I just want to know... It's been a while since the last time I have seen her."

"I-- I don't know."

She's lying. I can tell it from the awkward atmosphere she's giving off. Aigoo~ Hana is such a bad liar. "You're lying." I say blatantly. Her eyeballs pop open to my sudden boldness.

I am wasting time and my patience is running really low. "I'm sorry Hana but I don't have time to play games. Tell me where she is."

Her eyes are filled with panic. I can tell that she's running out of excuses and is about to spill the beans when...

"The girl who just went out is Hye Su."

My head whips to the person at the side near the kitchen.

"Mi Hi-ssi!" Hana exclaims

Mi Hi eyes her and turns back at me "Aren't you going to ask us where is she going?" she asks with folded arms.

"I may already know where she's heading to, I just needed to confirm if it was really her."

Mi Hi gives me an approving nod. "Take good care of her."

"I have always intended to," Mi Hi smiles at me genuinely  "can I use her car?"

“Of course.” Mi Hi grabs the keys from her pocket and tosses it to me.

Without further ado, I make my way out of the house but something grabs my arm really hard making me take a step back.

"Kris, don't do this. Please."

"Hana? What are you doing?"

"You can't be serious right? You? Going after her?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"She has her reasons, Kris. In the end she will always choose what will be good for you."

 

"What do you mean? do you know why she's doing this?"

"Even if I do, I won't even tell you because she will never have the courage to take that leap of faith." she says in a penetrating tone.

"That is not yours to decide on."

"I know her better than you do."

This conversation is getting really obnoxious and grating. I unfasten her hand from my arm and continue to go for the door.

"Kris!" She shouts once more.

Hana doesn't give up and follows me until I approach the car. She keeps on annoying me in hopes of getting my attention but I don't pay attention to her.

"What is it that she has that I don't?!" She snaps.

Her question catches me completely off guard.

“What-- Are you…?”

“Yes. I am backstabbing my best friend Kris. For you.”

“What? Isn’t D.O your bias?”

“He was.”There’s that same awkward atmosphere again. Goodness, she really is a bad liar.

“You’re lying.”

“I’m not!! I’m pouring my heart out and yet you accuse me of lying?”

“What changed?” I say plainly.

“You did. You drop your cool image whenever you are with Hye Su and I saw the real you. For months I tried to suppress my feelings because I don’t want to hurt Hye Su… but now that everything between you and her is slowly becoming impossible, I am dropping all my fears for you.”

“Hana…”

“I like you Kris!”

Her words surprise me but what shocks me even more were the tears rolling down uncontrollably on her cheeks. “Hana… I’m sorry… I really am.”

“Why? Why her? I am far more capable than her!”

That does it. I glower at her as I step closer to her side.

Without meeting her eye I stand there at her side. “Because she is everything you’re not.” I mutter bitterly.

I didn’t wait for a response; I immediately hopped in to the driver’s seat; locking the doors immediately and start the car.

She dashes to the door and tries to open the door but failes. “Kris! Kris where are you going?” she hits the window with balled fists.

I roll down my window. “To the airport.” I breathe then drove off.

 

Regardless if she’s lying or not, leaving her there tear streaked isn’t something I’d feel guilty for. Is she out of her mind?! She has gone completely overboard! Call me cruel but the way she talked about Hye Su, she was bad-mouthing her own best friend. I can’t let that go off easily.

 

Hello there!! I know it's been a while since the last time I've updated. I'm very sorry for taking so long!! I've been trying so hard to muster ideas and feels to bring back my drive in updating. HUHUHU. It wasn't really easy espicially now because of the news that broke out just hours ago about Kris' lawsuit T.T

Let's not be rash in posting provocative posts on the web. Instead, let's give our boys the love and support that they need because they are also going through a lot of stress with their promotions and upcoming concert.

EXO jjang! ♥

I'll try updating soon! He he he 

-DCx