“I see that you’ve made it.” He speaks. The last time I was here, I was a little girl with a pink panther stuff toy around my arms and he is sitting on the same leather chair he sat on that day.

“You seem to be in a daze? Did my sudden invitation stun you so much you got your tongue tied?” he continues to babble but I just stare straight to his eyes but I don’t last long. I shift my head to another direction to avoid the thorny atmosphere inside the room.

Another painful moment passes by and there is just silence.

“Alright, that’s enough stalling. Hye Su, if you think I do not know that you’ve been meeting secretly with Kris, then you’re completely wrong.” My lifeless eyes go wide in shock by what he just said.

This shouldn’t have surprised me because nothing is impossible with this man— but it does.

He pauses and examines me before talking again. “Since you’re too reluctant to react to my allegations, I’ll do the talking for you. As we all know, I’ve disowned you long time ago and your sudden re-appearance sickens me to the core. In addition to that, you are dating my talent. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Looksthe flirt genes of your mother has been passed on to you.” his words are far too sharp and they hit me like daggers that wound deeply.    

“The sole purpose of your attendance here is that I’d like to make a compromise.”

My brow rises to an arch. A compromise? What’s the catch?

“I will give you money, whatever amount you want, name your price under one condition. You will leave Korea and Kris. You can’t expect me to let you date my talent and ruin his career just like what your mother did to my son.”

I close my eyes and grit my teeth.

“This isn’t a request Hye Su. Take it or they will suffer on your behalf.” He mutters bitterly.

My hands ball into fists, my lips begin to quiver so I bite it, hard, and I tilt my head up to fight the tears from falling.

My worst fear has just been brought to life.

***

I got home past 10. I actually don’t feel like going home but I don’t have any other choice, I have no other place to go.

Mi Hi is out so I am alone in the house, which I am very much thankful for. I feel like I’m going to burst, not in to tears but burst into pieces, I feel like my whole being has been stepped on by that old man and there’s nothing I can do about it.

I can’t help but break in to sobs as I sit down on the swing at the veranda.

The evening sky looks dull, there are no stars, there were no clouds just pure darkness embracing the essence of the night.

I thought I only have to deal with my own troubles I never thought loving someone would put me in a situation wherein I have to choose between selfishness and selflesness. As much as I want to pick the first one, I can’t be selfish. He deserves so much more, he deserves a woman who can fulfill his wants and needs and I am not that.

I can’t even speak to him!

The dampness of my face thickens as I begin to realize how impossible it is between me and him.  

I regain to my senses when the doorbell dings.

Mi Hi.

I can’t let her see me so I walk briskly to my room and make sure to lock the door before I lay down on my bed. I stare vacantly at the ceiling letting the tears fall freely from my eyes.

From inside my bag I hear my phone ring. Halfheartedly, I drag myself out from my bed to grab my phone.

A voice call from Kris.

I stare at it for a while before slipping it under my pillow and walk toward my laptop that is on top of my study desk.

I’m sorry Kris.

I open my laptop and proceed to my blog site. It looked the same way the last time I opened it before my hand got sprained. I scroll through my old posts and immediately, I felt nostalgic.

I remember the first time I posted here, I was trying to be optimistic about my disability and so I wrote there that I am more determined to reach for my dreams and aspirations in life; but where is that inspired and determined Hye Su now? To my disappointment, I shake my head left and right but my eyebrows raise to my next post.

Entranced by his orbs and endearing smile, my hopes of meeting him eye to eye will not be relinquished by my frailty.

Déjà vu hits me like a wrecking ball and my mouth drops open to an O. I never realized that I’ve been writing about him— Kris. He has appeared in my dream before I even met him! I corroborate the man in my dream as Kris as I remember clear as day his eyes are exactly the same as Kris’.

It never occurred to me that he could be that guy. The one whom I dream of meeting because of his caring and gentle heart. In my dream, he protected me from everyone; he overruled their accusations and chose to believe in me.

But I doubt it will happen in real life, Kris is a smart guy and isn’t dumb enough to choose someone like me over his career. Also, it hasn’t been that long since we met so there isn’t really much to hold on to when I leave.

But I don’t know why thought of it pains me. The thought that he will be okay and will be able to move on in a short amount of time when I leave.

When I leave.

My phone rings again.

I stop scrolling through my page and start on another post. I stare at the blinking text cursor while trying to think for a title. This is the first blog entry that I’ll be posting after the accident I had at the fan meeting and all I could type were the words— I’m sorry.

After posting it I scamper to my bag that is on my bed and pull out a white envelope. I open it and haul out a piece of paper worth 5,000,000 won.

I draw the paper closer to my chest as the words I’m sorry Kris repeat over and over again inside my head that later on turn to sobs.

Hours and hours of crying my eyes turn sore and soon after I feel my eyes grow heavier but before I drift, I remember vividly that old man’s instructions before handing the envelope to me.

“Leave Seoul and never come back. Hyun Ki will help you book a flight to wherever you want to go, if you defy any of the agreement we have I guarantee you, the turnout will be terrible.”