❝ chapter thirty-one

e r i c ’ s

When it came to the most surprising person, Yongsun always came first and that included 30 minutes ago when she suddenly blurted out that she wanted instant noodle and spicy rice cake after we practically kissed for 10 minutes in the pool. I was supposed to cook it sneakily without my mom knowing about it but I ended up getting caught in the midst of doing so but she gave me a knowing smile. I mean, we just wanted noodles, mom, that’s it. 

Our empty pot of instant noodle sits in the corner of our desk and Yongsun is lying on my lap instead of her pillow. I fiddle with her hair, watching as the end of it slips through my fingers because it gets shorter than before but it’s still beautiful. Yongsun’s hair has always been beautiful. I miss her hair being bright pink, that compliments her skin so well but she didn’t want to photographed as her sister’s bridesmaid with pink hair framed in their living room so she goes back to dark color. 

    “What time are we leaving tomorrow?” She asked after a while. 

    “Our flight’s at 7:30pm but we might need to get to the airport at 6:00pm.” I said, then slightly braid the end of her hair, something I finally mastered after 5 months of Yongsun giving up on teaching me every 5 minutes. “Atlanta’s flight always leave earlier than they’re supposed to.”

    “Do you want to talk?” 

    “Isn’t that exactly what we’re doing right now?” I laughed, trailing my hand along her cheeks.

    “About your first girlfriend.”

My first girlfriend was someone I finally dated after a few years. It was late, even my parents agreed so but I liked her and I knew I meant it and I knew it’ll take me ages to change my mind about her. She was someone really special to me, maybe it was because she was two years older than me or maybe because she respected me even though I was the one of the rare Asian students in America. But, Yongsun knew that of course. She knew about her just about that much and every times the topic of her came up, I could tell on the look of her face. 

Yongsun, although she’s completely fierce and charismatic on stage and although sometimes she’s really cool about everything, she’s usually self-conscious about herself. She’s pretty, she’s taller than me so she’s tall, she must have took care of you a lot more than I did, she’s a great person. Sure, my first girlfriend did those but sometimes, I wish I could let Yongsun knows that she’s an even greater person and more than anything, she understands my job and she’s willing to accommodate to that. She brings out the best in me, even stuffs that I didn’t know I could be and I’m more than just grateful for that. She makes me becomes the best version of me and that's not something that can be compared to other people I've ever dated. But of course, I could never really say that out loud. 

    “You know pretty much everything about her.” I said. “How we met, how we were, how we broke up.”

    “No, not the usual boring stuffs about how couples worked.” She hums a little, the tone sounds somewhat familiar but I couldn’t work it out. “What you both meant to each other. There’s probably something. He meant a lot to me too, you know, even though we met back in High School where nothing was technically considrered as serious enough yet.” 

There’s a slight drop in her voice and her face fell a little. We never really touch on the topic of her first love, she was never fine about it every times she’s reminded of him and because he pissed me off too every times I heard the story. 

    “I don’t know what I meant to her.” I shrugged even though her eyes are focused on my hand inside hers. “She meant the way first love does to every man. Not that I still like her in the same way, I love you right now and you know that. But, what we had back then, it was first and it was bittersweet but it ended. She wanted to ended it, you also know that.” 

    “Ironic how both of our first loves were the one who wanted to end things first.” She chuckles bitterly. “At least you heard her good bye, I never got mine.”

    “Would you rather he said good bye?” I asked and she stared at me, her fingers fiddling with mine then she shook her head. 

    “Maybe him leaving without a good bye was a good choice too. I can’t imagine how much I’d cry and what I’d do out of my own way to beg him to stay. I don’t want to see myself doing that for someone like him either, and I know my 17 years old self would actually do that.”

    I bend down and plant a soft kiss on her forehead. “If it wasn’t for them, we wouldn’t be here talking to each other about this either.” 

    “I know.” She smiles and suddenly she gets up from my lap and stares at me. “I know first love meant a lot to men, just like it does to women and I know somewhere inside your heart, she still meant the way she was to you but I hope what we have right now will last forever because I’m never ready to let go of someone like you and I don’t want to just imagine our lives together in the future. I want it to be real. I want to grow old with you.” 

Some night, she just spoke her heart out. That’s what I always love about Yongsun and tonight, she just happened to give me her answer before I even ask.