❝ chapter seventeen

s o l a r ’ s

    “So, how was last night?” Hyejin leans into me and whispers as soon as I got in the car. “Emotional? Passionate?”

    I yelp and hit her on the arm. “What passionate? Stop asking me about this.” 

    “She’s blushing.” Wheein nods. “And she’s wearing his shirt.” 

    “For real?” Byul leans into me and gasps. “Like, you haven’t even married yet-“ 

If you look at our images, Hyejin and Wheein would be the erts of the group because they’re always touchy on stage. If moomoos look at us, they will know that Hyejin is the ert who knows her stuffs and I’m that crazy ert who probably is still oblivious about this stuff. They will know that Byul is a ert but the most conservative ert out of all of us, be it dressing or anything. She’s the definition of conservative and which is why right now, she’s gasping at me and throwing a pillow at me. 

    “This unnie- Wow.” Byul said. “I know we’re all a ert but you’re taking this to another level.” 

    “Come on, you guys. Give me $10 each.” Hyejin said. “I won the bet.” 

    “I can’t believe you guys bet on something like this.” I shake my head and Hyejin grins. 

    “I can’t believe I just lost a bet either.” Byul sighs. “You owe us an explanation once we’re done with the photoshoot. Did you guys even use protection properly? We don’t want to become someone’s aunt yet.”

    I throw a pillow at Byul back. “Shut up.”  

I whine that I don’t want to talk about what happened in details for them. Byul and Wheein said I have to because I made them lost $10 each to Hyejin, I can’t believe these girls. To be very honest, I understand where Byul and Wheein are coming from. I’m conservative when it comes to relationship and taking it to another level which is why they never expect me to actually go straight in. But with Eric, though it is 5 months since we really dated each other, we both know each other. He knows me too well, sometimes I wonder if I’m that easy to read or if I give in too much during filming that he knows everything about me but looking at it again, I’m glad he’s the one who does. 

To Byul and Wheein, it could sounded really ridiculous that I was the one who initiated it first yesterday and it was probably ridiculous to Eric too because he was taken aback, he was just as confused. He asked again and again if I was sure and I was really glad that he did. Also, we did use protection. Byul’s right, neither of us wanted to become anyone’s parents yet. 

    “By the way,” I said and Hyejin pauses the music that blasts from her speaker. “I talked with Eric last night and we both agreed to publicize our relationship personally.” 

    “Are you sure? The reactions might be a tiny bit better than being discovered by Dispatch but they’re going to be just as bad.” Byul said. “I’m not saying this to discourage you. Whatever you do, all of us will always be by your sides but we don’t want you to get hurt all by yourself.” 

    “Yeah, the public will interpret it in any way possible from good to worst but the possibility is more on the latter.” Wheein said. “But, if you’re really sure, we’ll stand by your side. Just don’t try to suffer alone.” 

    I nodded. “Yeah, but it’ll probably be after our comeback. I know how hard each of you worked on this album and I don’t want to ruin it for us.” 

Normally, Wheein is the one who doesn’t cry when we are all crying. Even in concerts, in interviews, or in fan events, she never cries no matter how touched she feels. She would rather locks herself somewhere alone then cries. So, when she suddenly cries right here after what I said, it puts us on a tilted axis. I want to give her a hug but given the car’s moving, it’s impossible so Byul comforts her. Hyejin follows her right after, wiping her eyes with the tissues and Byul tries to blink away her tears. It doesn’t work though, we all know how soft she actually is. 

Our manager takes a glance at us through the mirror and hastily wipes her tears away. I smile, knowing that she’s been listening and knowing that, we always have a mother figure to lean on even when we’re far from our family. Not mine though, my family is in Seoul so it isn’t as bad. 

    “Come on, if you guys start crying like that, I’m going to feel so bad and start crying too.” I pout, trying to lift the mood up. “I’m the first one to shoot, I can’t cry.” 

    Wheein laughs and wipes her tears. “You cared about us way too much.” 

    Hyejin nods. “If the album doesn’t go well because of this, then we’re still going through it together. It’s sincerity that will touch people so if we deliver it with our passion and sincerity, they will grow to like it too.” 

Sadly, that’s the downside of this industry. Not everything are influenced by our sincerity and passion as Hyejin believes. She doesn’t know that people celebrated us virtually divorcing, she doesn’t know that some of our fans leave hate comments here and there and some of them actually left the fandom, those whose faces I’m quite familiar with. But, I don’t want to make her upset so I nod and tell her that everything will be fine. Because it will be, at the end of the day, it will always be. 

The photoshoot ended in the evening, we went for a bright and retro styles. It’s supposed to be a bluffing concept but bluffing in an adorable way. The girls decided to gathered at my house again tonight so we ordered loads of food from spicy rice cakes to pork legs. At first, we contemplated turning on our V Live but then Byul said we should just talked, it’s been a while since we have one and it looked like everyone of us have something that’s bothering us. Times like this, she always looked like the leader more than I do. 

    “I haven’t seen Ric hyung texted you at all today.” Wheein started. 

    “He’s in the jungle.” 

    “He’s going to the jungle? I thought he was just filming another travel show like the one he did in Costa Rica.” 

    “Is the jungle fun? I really wanted to try going once.” Byul asked. “People kept on saying it’s hard but they kept on going back.” 

In the end, Hyejin told her none of us would survive in the jungle. If there was anything that was common between us, it would be our food palate. We have to have Korean food no matter where we go and we can’t take local food well. Living in the jungle would means eating anything you could find and we’re going to starve. None of us are really the type to try something new unless it’s totally recommended or we end up just sticked to what we always had. 

The topic kept on shifting from one to another and it went on until we finished everything on the table. Once we cleared the table, cleaned up the place and found our own spots somewhere inside my living room, Byul suggested they could helped me out choosing what to write for my big confession. Hyejin said it sounded like a I committed a crime so we changed the title to Big Announcement but Wheein said it sounded like I’m about to announce a pregnancy or something so we changed it again to Dear MooMoos… then Hyejin switched on her speaker so it won’t be too solemn. 

They kept on giving me suggestions, or how I should corrected from this to that and after two whole hours, I was finally done with a page full of letter. I needed to rewrite this properly and uploaded the picture later when we discussed about this properly once Eric’s back from the jungle. Byul asked why don’t I just write it in the fan cafe and uploaded it there but something about a personal written letter made everyone else felt loved, important even. It felt like someone cared about you enough to took their time jotting down what they really felt into a blank sheet of paper for you. 

Later that night, Wheein told me I was cool and she wanted to publicize her own relationship the way I’m doing it too if she has one. Hyejin told me that she promised they will be by my side after it happened because I might probably be with Eric when it happened. Byul… Byul just hugged me and cried. She said I went through so much already, it was unfair I had to be so cautious about my own happiness for theirs and for someone else’s happiness; that she wished I didn’t have to be this sad for my own happiness. Later that night, I ended up crying silently with Byul.