❝ chapter three

s o l a r ’ s

The performance went well but none of us were exactly satisfied with it, we felt like we could have done a little bit more better than this. Thankfully, the audiences didn’t go dead on us. Hyejin thought the ad-libs went well though, because the actors presented seemed to enjoy the performance well. Byul’s ad-lib about Jung Woosung sunbaenim had to be the highlight of our performance, he was flustered, all in a good way though. 

What would his reaction be if he saw me imitating the lines from The Wailing, I smiled thinking how he’d probably stayed silent again like the last time I tried my Lena Park’s impersonation. Then it hit me that I’ve sent him a text before we arrived at the award’s ceremony venue.  

Oh, he replies. A sense of relief runs through me, at least he’s not outright ignoring me.   

I tried a light joke so our conversation won’t be too heavy for both of us. Maybe, this was supposed to be how we should be since the beginning. Joked around once in a while in each other’s company but didn’t necessarily have to mean something more than a pair of good friends who knew each other a little bit too well. But I knew I wanted him more than just a good friend and I knew full well that he might be too in some way if I was still sane enough to know that we both were extremely bad actors and to pulled a fake skit as big as a marriage that lasted for 8 months, there would be no way it would work for us. It had to be true at some points. Dubai was the truth for me. Everything that happened in Dubai, even the little part before we boarded the plane. I didn’t know how he would feel for real but that was the truth for me.  

I smiled at that. My members said it was extremely sweet of him to remember our very first meeting during ASC. I thought he was being nice and courteous so he tried to researched a little bit but as we spent more time together, he’s the type to remember every little things I’ve told him that were meant to just be a little extra effort to kept the conversation going but he remembered it well and it made me feel good somehow.  

Oh, I hope so. Only if I can manage self-control on myself and not move my belongings from my dorm into that house and permanently decide that I’ll be living there. Then comes a loud gasp from my side and Hyejin waves her hand frantically in front of me. 

    “Wow, unnie, you won’t believe this. Headline, Eric Nam’s last kiss hasn’t been exactly a week yet.” 

All of sudden, it felt like the Mt. Everest inside me crumbled down instantly. Ever since the last filming, we didn’t meet. What had I been doing with myself all these time? What was the last text for then?

    Hyejin reads, her gasp still vividly visible. “When asked about his last kiss, Eric Nam laughed and said that it hasn’t been a week yet and if it was right to say this.” 

    “Wow, the nerve he has.” Wheein clicks her tongue in annoyance. 

I couldn’t feel anything. Is it safe to say that I’m utterly speechless and helplessly strapped in my seat with the seatbelt? Wheein turns to me and for once, I’m really grateful for my long hair. I’m grateful that it falls over to one side of my profile and completely hides my face so they don’t have to see me holding myself back from breaking down. This has to be a lie but he doesn’t lie on broadcast. If it’s anything, that’d be the last thing he’d does on a broadcast. Is it someone in America? Has it always been neutral between us? 

I hastily wipe away a teardrop that rolls down my cheek and fires up a reply.