❝ chapter twenty-two

s o l a r ’ s

The live show has already started and we’ll be on stage in 15 minutes. Eric couldn’t make it, not that he’s busy but we both decided that it’d be too risky. Thankfully, no one from yesterday uploaded about us at the valley to the internet. They probably don’t even care, or maybe they do but they don’t want to cause a fanwar or an uproar when things have started to quiet down a little. 

Technically, he’s still busy though. His tours are coming in a few a month and he won’t be able to stay in Korea for a while, a month or two he said. That has to be the longest time we can’t see each other but with us preparing our for Moosical Curtain Call after this promotion, hopefully two months will pass by quickly. It’s crazy that I could actually miss someone other than my own family this much. 

    “Eric sent some food for you guys.” 

Hyemin unnie walks in, holding several familiar packages and I recognize it as his favorite Mexican food restaurant immediately. The girls cheer and take the packages gleefully. Geez, he doesn’t even have to. 

    “Ric hyung has been buying us food a lot.” Byul said. “He even voluntarily paid for it yesterday.” 

I couldn’t really hear her though, I’m already focus on typing a text message on my phone and thank him. He replies back almost immediately, telling us to fill our tummy up before performing because that’s the only way we could perform wholeheartedly and specifically telling me not to worry about anything and just enjoy the stage. 

He even bought food for our staffs here in our waiting room and they were so grateful but I was the one who was even more grateful. Grateful and guilty even. Everyone in the room was enjoying their food well, especially my members. Hyejin bit onto her taco happily and a strand of cheese stretched as she pulled the taco away from , she hummed happily, chewing onto those cheese. 

    “Unnie, you got yourself a great boyfriend.” Wheein said. “He really deserved that Nation’s Boyfriend title.” 

Our staffs agree wholeheartedly at that and I only laugh. I know how grateful he is for that title but he also hates it so much because it makes him looks and sounds inhumane, and he doesn’t like being inhumane. He makes mistakes once and then, so he has to be very careful in everything that it’s really stressing him out that he can’t even be himself properly even off camera. 

 In 3 minutes, we were told to go on standby. The staffs fixed our mikes, our stylists gave us a final touch on our faces and hairs. The girls were checking their teeth in the mirror in case they got food on them but I was more worried about the reactions. If anything happened, I felt like I’d be the blame for it. I was even more worried about the girls, they might be disappointed at how serious it could actually be. They might be the one who encouraged me to did so, but that didn’t mean they’re not hurt by the outcome. 

    “Mamamoo, please go on stage.” 

I exhale and follow the members up the stage. Everyone is looking at the audience except me, my heart beats so fast, I think I might actually collapse from this. Byul nudges me because I keep my face down the whole time so I finally look up and is relieve for the first time today to find a moderate numbers of moomoos sitting down in the audience, holding our lightstick and cheer loudly. Thanks, goodness.

Later that night, we agree to meet at our house. Ddongie’s house, if that’s what everyone is calling it. Eric is in the shower so I sit on the bed and watch the TV because there is nothing to do, we’ll probably cook or order something when he comes out. I ask my members if they want to come along because I feel bad for coming alone but they all denied and told me they wanted to go home and rest instead. They look pretty exhausted. 

A rerun of Baek Jong Won’s Top 3 Chef is airing again, their topic is chicken so he’s having a whole chicken in hot pot, followed by dumplings from scratch, then noodles. Eric’s phone suddenly rings and he tells me to pick it up for him. I turn the volume down and takes a look at his phone. 

    Park Riah

It’s a girl’s name though. I frown and pick up the call curiously. My face falls slightly when a girl’s voice mumbles into a phone, half-crying. She’s obviously drunk and the music is so loud, I could barely hear her. 

    “Oppa.” She mumbles. “It’s Riah, how many years have it been?” She chuckles bitterly. 

I keep silence on my end. 

    “I know I was the one who asked to break up first but I regret letting go of someone like you. I saw the news of you dating someone else.” She laughs and a part of me freeze. “Can’t we just get back together instead? I know you still love me.” 

I kept myself together and stayed silence. She laughed and cried, it’s a total mess. What was she expecting? Eric would agreed to date her again? My mind flashed back to that one show in early March when he said he would agreed to meet up with his first love again if she contacted him. I remembered we fought over that when it aired even though we made up the next morning, I was still upset at him. No girls would actually like their boyfriend meeting their first loves again, first love is really important to every men. 

    “Why aren’t you answering me? We both still love each other, don’t we?” She asked. “Ah, do you want us to meet up and talk instead?” 

    She giggles. “You’re so American-style, this is why I like you.” 

    “He’s not here.” I said and hanged up on the call. 

I tossed his phone onto the bed and stared at the television instead. In the end, I ended up turning it off because all I could think about was her asking to get back with Eric. I knew Eric’s not the type to actually cheat on someone, but something about her made me boiled on the inside that I’m actually mad at him too. I knew he’s the type to never really delete anything he saved on his phone including her number, not his friends’ spam selfies, not anyone’s number, not our failed selfies, but I couldn’t help. The bathroom door clicked open and he came out while drying his hair with a towel. 

    “Who is it?” 

    “Park Riah.” I said and his face fell. “She wanted to get back together with you.” 

    “Yongsun-“ 

    “I’m going to cook something.” 

Yeah, Kim Yongsun, like you know how to cook. I silently sneer at myself that I would even say something as cook for myself in front of him. I’m probably just gonna cook instant noodles, it doesn’t sound too bad. I open the upper cupboard and grab a package of instant noodle from it. Quietly, he grabs the package from me and puts it back inside the cupboard. 

    “Eat a proper meal.” He sighs. 

I steal a glance at him and walk over to our table instead. He silently grabs a frying pan and a pot from the lower cupboard and cooks whatever he buys. None of us talk and I sit, staring at his backside. Ten minutes pass and it’s suffocating me so bad, I just want to talk it all out with him but I couldn’t even open my mouth and my whole body burns at the thought of the phone call again. 

Suddenly, he puts the packet of diced garlic down on the counter and walks toward me instead. He stands in front of me and I avoid his eyes, looking at the door instead. 

    “Are you mad?” 

Isn’t it already obvious?

    He takes a seat in front of me. “Yongsun-ah. Look at me.” 

So, I did. I stared at him for a few seconds and tried to hold myself from saying stuffs I don’t mean out of spite. But he knew me too well that I would not just sit still and say nothing so he waited and just silently stared at me until I told him what’s bothering me. 

    “She’s at the club, drunk and crying and probably expecting you to pick her up.” I mumble. 

    “It’s over between me and her. Long time ago, and whatever she said, it’s way back then and you know you’re the one I love right now.” He said softly. “Please, I don’t want us to fight like the last time again.”

I blushed at that and looked down because I was embarrassed. At the corner of my eyes, I caught him smiling then I felt a soft peck on the side of my cheek. I looked up and he’s already has his back facing me and putting cooked pasta into the frying pan. 

The night went in deeply and soon after dinner, we both found ourselves lying down on our bed with the movie running. I chose the Princess Diaries 2 because it was one of my favorite movie and because Eric hasn’t watch it yet too. I can't believe him, out of all the movies he hasn't see. 

 One hour and a half into the movie, Eric suddenly pulls me to his side and buries his face in my neck. Not the kind of ticklish kisses or playful cuddle, but the one that seems like he really needs one for comfort, for assurance, for all the goodness in the world. He doesn’t say anything, head in my neck and he hugs me tightly, I almost couldn’t breath. 

    “Are you still mad at me?” He asked after some time. “I’m sorry.”

    I frown. “No… What made you think so?” 

    “You didn’t talk.” 

This is one of the time he looks so fragile and vulnerable and it breaks my heart. I wrap my tighten my arms around him and we stay like that for a while until we change into another position, and I’m laying on his extended arm and stare at the ceiling instead. The movie is halted and it’s not like we really care about it. 

    Hesitantly I asked, “Was she really important to you?” 

    “Yeah. At one point.” 

    I looked up at him and he looked at me back then back to the television screen. “Why did you guys break up?”

    “She expected more because I came from America.” He sighs. “But, I guess I was really bad at expressing myself even back then so we would always fight about that and in the end, she thought it’d be better to end this.” 

I nodded. It wasn’t his fault, it was the girl who pushed him too much. She could have allowed herself to love him for who he is, not for who she wanted him to be. She had no idea who she just gave up on. He could have loved her wholeheartedly, had his whole attention only on her and took real good care of her but she gave up on it and now she wanted it back when she realized how amazing of a person Eric actually is. 

I know I’m his girlfriend right now, but I feel like the luckiest woman alive right now. He makes me feel this way and I’m more than just grateful. 

    “Is she now?” 

    He smiles and wraps his arm around me tightly then snuggles into my neck again. I could feel his eyelashes brush against my neck and his eyes closed. “Don’t ask the obvious. Let’s sleep, I’m really tired.” 

    “You go and sleep, I need to finish my movie.” I giggle and playfully push him away. 

    “Come on, you already saw the movie ten times.” He complains. “You have a schedule tomorrow too.”

I give him a soft peck on his cheek and giggle.