❝ chapter nineteen

s o l a r ’ s

We’re sitting in my room, backs against my bed and my head on his shoulder. Letters posted so the damage has been done. Eric has his phone on silence and turns off his vibration because it rings like crazy, surely his friends never expect the cautious Eric Nam who refuses the idea of dating to actually announce his relationship on his own Twitter out of the blue. Heck, even with the girl he once married on a television show.

There’s a swarm of emotion inside me - relieve, guilty, anxious, scared. Scared. Because, this will never go right. The chances of it going right is 0.001 percent especially when the last comment I checked was someone cursing me out because I’m dating Eric Nam, the Nation’s Boyfriend. He tries to take my phone away several times, telling me that continuously scrolling through the news sites, Naver and comments will only make me go to sleep with bad feeling. It’s even worse because he’s right. 

My members get pulled into our mess and just as I thought, most people are cursing them out for no reasons. I want to type back so bad that they have nothing to do with this, we’re the one who fall in love, we’re the one who started this chaos in the first place, the girls have nothing to do with it but doing that will only pull us deeper down the drain. 

    “Yongsun, stop looking through the comment.” He said and finally took my phone away from me and pushed it to the other side, I looked up at him blankly. “At the end of the day, you’re the one who’s going to be hurt.” 

I wanted to tell him that just 10 minutes ago, he was scrolling through them too but I swallowed it away and instead, grabbed his hand and gently fidget with his fingers. My phone buzzed from his side and this time it’s my ringtone then after a few more seconds, it stopped and there was peace again. 

I scanned the letter I wrote at the company and forwarded it into my phone a few days ago, and Eric did the same thing but it was in Korean and English. His international fans didn’t take it that bad though, in fact they were really supportive; they left several crying emojis and wished us all the best. His Korean fans though, had it the hardest but I completely understood. He’s the Nation’s Boyfriend and when he actually announced his relationship just out of the blue, of course they would felt like someone took their boyfriend away from them. 

    “It’s going to be okay.” He whispers and kisses the top of my head then lays his head on top of mine gently. “It will be, even though it’s going to take long but it will be.” 

    “You know how many celebrities break up after a few months they went public because they feel so much pressure from the public then saying it’s because of the schedules?” I asked and he hummed in a way that he always did whenever I talked. “I don’t want us to ever break up because of our schedules.” 

    “We won’t. We will make it work.” He says and there’s that level of certainty in his tone that makes me feel safe. “Did you already forget we haven’t see each other for a month before I left for the jungle then left the night after?” 

I laugh but it comes off a little bit bitter that it breaks my own heart. The thought of us breaking up already pain me even though I knew it might happens, you never know what the future holds for you but if we really do, we agree that we’ll tell them the truth and not because of busy schedules. Everyone knows if you love each other, you’ll always find a way to make time for them. Even if it’s just for a day or a minute.

There’s a text alert from my phone so we both turn to it and he hands it to me. It’s from Byul, checking if I’m fine because they’re worried and because the company’s worried too. I text her back that I’m fine and she tells me not to worry about anything, the company is dealing with the media. 

    “Did you not tell your friends about us too?” I asked because he’s getting texts and calls from them like crazy. 

Or maybe he did told them but they never expected him to actually announced his relationship on Twitter without even getting caught by Dispatch. 

    “No.” He shook his head. “The only one among my friends that knows about us is Joon hyung. Do you remember him? Back at the recording studio.” 

    I nodded. “Yeah.” I smiled. “You’re going to be in so much troubles when you meet your friends.” 

    “Amber and Ailee will definitely kill me for keeping this away from them.” 

    “I hope you survive, I haven’t thought about who’s going to replace you yet.” 

    “Are you planning to?”

    “No.” 

We both laugh at that then he pulls me even closer to him, his hand securely around my shoulder. He mentions how he hasn’t even tell his family except his mom about us too and that his dad is probably surprise at the sudden news but seeing how he hasn't call yet, he probably hasn't see it yet. He did say that his parents wanted us to get together for real ever since our wgm days. 

    “We should visit your parents someday.” I said and tap my fingers on his thigh gently like it’s a piano. 

    “We’ll talk about that after we visit your parents who live in Seoul.” He said and I laughed. 

True that, we never really get to meet my parents yet. They knew about us though, I can never keep a secret so I told my sister and she can’t keep secret either so it’s spilled. My mom was overjoyed, she even cried. I asked why would she actually cried, I’m not even getting married and she said which mother wouldn’t cry if their daughter dated Eric Nam, the man who is needed in every household.

    “My mom’s actually open about us moving in together before marriage.” I said and he looked at me. “I never know they could be so American. I thought they were conservative.” 

    He laughed. “She would changed her mind if she knows what we’re up to.” 

    I hit his arm, feeling my cheeks burn right away. “She doesn’t care about that. She told me I’m old enough to take responsibility of my own actions so she’s pretty much open. Probably because my sister moves to London permanently and they’re becoming a lot more open.”

    “How is your sister?” He asked. 

    “Busy.” I shrugged. “A few days ago, her boyfriend proposed so I guess there will be a wedding bell soon.” 

    “Did your parent know?” 

    “Hm.” I hummed. “They’ve been arguing. Yonghee unnie wants to have a wedding in London, my mom wants her to do it in Korea. But, they’ve settled now. They’re doing both.” 

He only chuckles at that and I let myself wander around in my own imagination for a short while. If we ever get married,  should we hold a busking wedding again? That’d be weird without tons of cameramen following us and that would draw too much attention, chaos even. Would it be in Korea or Atlanta? Maybe, I find it ridiculous that my sister is arguing with my mom about this but when it’s my turn, I’m probably going to do the same thing. But then, my heart is yearning more towards Korea but Eric’s choice matters just as much too, of course he would wants to have a wedding in his hometown too. 

    “If we ever get married, where do you want it to be?” I ask and he pounders over the answer for a while. 

    “Korea.” He said. “In a way, Korea gave me another part of myself and I got to meet you here.” 

I playfully grimace at him and smile. I hate cheesy stuffs but when he says it, it sounds just right. Probably because he doesn’t say it often and because he hates it just as much as I do too but when he says something, although it comes off a little cheesy, it feels sincere. He really means it and it’d makes any girl’s heart swells with joy. 

    “It’s late, do you want to sleep?” He asked. 

    “Leggo.”