Twenty three years.

That's how long Donghae and Hyukjae have known each other. Ever since Donghae was born, the two immediately clicked. They would always have play dates, share each other's cookies, loan their favourite toys; nothing could treat them apart.

Now here they are, twenty three and sharing an apartment in the middle of Seoul.

Not much had changed. They still hung out, shared food and gave each other their favourite toys. They were still the best of friends and nothing could change that.

Not even if one of them fell in love.

---

Donghae unlocked the door to their shared apartment before he shrugged off his coat and unraveled the scarf from around his neck.

"Hyuk! I'm back! Are you making me any food like the good hubby you are?" He smiled when he heard an amused snort and a quiet but still audible 'you wish.'

He walked into the kitchen and was greeted by the smell of beautiful, beautiful tacos.

Ahh, tacos. If he never found someone he would be okay with it if he always had tacos.

Soon, Hyukjae was done cooking and they brought the tacos to the dining table and dug in, indulging into all the details off their days and everything in between.

While Donghae was droning on about some co-worker in his office who obviously had the hots for him, the blonde just admired the way the shorter brunet spoke. It seemed like every movement was that of an angel's, and it made him fall deeper and deeper into the dark abyss that was his undying love for Donghae.

But he was unable to do anything about it, for if not of the fear of being rejected, then for the fear of putting any strain on their beautiful friendship. Because that's what they were.

Friends.

---

It had been this way for days, weeks, months.

Years.

But nothing happened.

Nothing ever did. Neither was willing to risk anything that might cause stress for their friendship, but that didn't mean that they weren't willing to do anything for the other.

Absolutely anything.

---

It was when Donghae collapsed that brought Hyukjae back to reality. It was all too real. The fact that he could lose Donghae in seconds if he didn't act quickly enough terrified him. He sped forty kilometers over the speed limit and didn't stop panicking until Donghae was literally taken out of his arms and rolled into the ER.

Soon, Donghae's doctor, Choi Siwon came out of Donghae's room.

"He has too weak of a heart. It runs in his family, and he'll need a heart transplant to survive this. If he doesn't get one, he may have less than two months left even without any physical exertion."

Hyukjae broke down again.

---

Over the next few weeks, Donghae seemed to have gotten better, but Hyukjae knew better than anyone else that it could all come crashing down again.

So he did the one thing that he had been avoiding ever since he could remember.

"D-Donghae, I'm in love with you."

He was ready for it. The pain, the agony, and the tears that would accompany his rejection.

And as he knew, the other didn't accept. He couldn't. He was already seeing someone, right behind Hyukjae's back because he had suspicions of Hyukjae's feelings.

That didn't help ease the pain though, when Hyukjae figured out that Donghae had been seeing a man that he had only met a few weeks ago.

A man named Choi Siwon.

He was ready for it, but that didn't mean that it didn't still hurt.

---

As each day grew into a new night, and each night stretched into a new day, Donghae's condition deteriorated at an alarmingly quick pace. 

Maybe it was because he refused to eat. Maybe it was the fact that he got out of bed everyday to go to the window and stare down at the parking lot, looking for something.

Maybe it was the fact that Hyukjae stopped visiting after that day.

---

Siwon didn't know why Donghae's friend stopped showing up after one day, but he assumed that the two had an agreement. That being said, it seemed as though his boyfriend was waiting for something, if not someone.

And it wasn't him.

Either way, it didn't matter who he was looking for. Soon, Donghae would be able to go out and find the person on his own instead of waiting for them to show up. Siwon had finally found a donor. Donghae was saved.

When Donghae inquired about the donor, however, Siwon could not reply, for the donor had requested to remain anonymous through and through until after the surgery. Then, Donghae would be able to find out his identity, maybe thank his family for the great sacrifice he made for another human being's life.

It would be the least he could do for someone willing to risk their life for him. They'd probably never even met.

---

The surgery was to be held in three days, on April third.

Bitterly, Donghae thought about the day after his surgery. Yes, he would be recovering, but he would never miss Hyukjae's birthday. He would just call him or text him or something.

Of course.

The thought of contacting his best friend through instant messaging hadn't occurred to him throughout his entire stay in the hospital, and he thought that he ought to slap himself over the head for that.

When he both messaged and called Hyukjae with no results, however, that was when he got worried.

But hey, they hadn't met up in more than a month, who was he to say anything?

Could he even still call Hyukjae his best friend anymore?

---

Ths surgery went both quickly and well. Unfortunately, there was no one to relay the news to. Neither patient's parents had showed up. Apparently all related family members were either deceased or lived too far to be reached.

When Donghae came to from the anesthetic, his mind was groggy and his vision was slightly fuzzy, and there was a dull but noticeable pain in his chest.

Out of the corner of his eye, he could make out the nurses covering somebody's body up, and he assumed that that was the person who risked their life for him.

He was about to call for a nurse when his boyfriend walked into the room.

"Oh, good morning Donghae. I see you've woken up."

Donghae nodded vigorously before asking to see the other patient.

"Why of course, but for some reason they seem familiar."

And when Siwon pulled back the covers, Donghae had to restrain himself from crying right then and there, because his best friend Lee Hyukjae lay there, pale, motionless and weak, because he gave his everything for Donghae to have another chance.

He looked so peaceful, but Donghae saw. He saw the dark circles under the sunken mono-lidded eyes, and the sharp jaw line that seemed just too sharp. He saw the chapped lips and the thin dry hair, and he didn't want to look anymore.

Lee Hyukjae had just given Lee Donghae his everything.

After all, he was willing to do anything for him.

---

He wanted to, but he couldn't find it in himself to do it.

Donghae had broken up with Siwon a few days after the surgery. He decided to stay friends with the doctor, and the relationship was broken with no hard feelings.

After the break up, the doctor remembered a note that Hyukjae had left for him before the surgery. He couldn't read it, because if he did, then he would be reminded of what he realized after the crazy, smiling blond was gone.

They say you never realize you love someone until they're already gone.

---

Suicide had seemed so tempting so many times, but knowing that Hyukjae gave up his life so that Donghae could live his made him keep going.

Proof of that was right in his own chest.

But the note that Hyukjae had written, god, the note.

Donghae didn't stop crying for days.

---

Donghae, I know that it might take you a while to read this, but know that when you do, I still love you, and I will never stop loving you, even through death.

I'm sorry if my choice has in any way affected you or your life, but you deserve to have a beautiful life and reach for what you've always wanted. Go out and get a PhD, teach some kids how to dance, go join a sports team.

Live your life.

Live it for both you and me.

Achieve the things neither of us thought possible, because someone once told me that it's the people we expect the least of to do the things that we least expect, and since no one expected anything from either of us in school, go prove them wrong.

Find someone you love. Give them your time, and let them give you theirs. Make it work and make yourself happy.

Do it, if not for yourself, then for me.

Make your life worthwhile.

Love,

Lee Hyukjae

---

A/N: so thats it! hope you enjoyed! if not, then sorry :( ill try to update perfect match soon^^

 Bai~