You love him, don't you?
Say you love me (I do...love you)
My name is Jeon Jeongguk and I'm in love… wait no, in a love-hate relationship with Kim Taehyung.
Yes, I am, and fortunately I'm the only one who knows. Fortunately! Because hell if the time comes he finds out, I'm withdrawing out of Bangtan and life A.S.A.P!
To tell you the truth...I hate him, really. He was the synonym of frustration at first glance. Even Yoongi hyung felt the same way when he first entered the trainee hall a couple of years ago. They were both from Daegu and he couldn't believe someone could shame his beloved hometown as extremely as how Taehyung did. He was the epitome of nonsense back then well, not that he isn't anymore really, because trust me he just got worse!
At first he'd tell stories about how rabbits existed on the moon. Then he'd suddenly ask us how it would be like to live in a toilet bowl…yeah some random like those. And to be honest, his way of thinking sometimes, more like most times, gets us in trouble especially on air.
Namjoon hyung was in charge of distractions, being the nifty leader that he is. He always kept track of what and how we would answer during press conferences, variety shows and interviews. Everything always goes as planned until Taehyung gets hold of the microphone, that is. It would always turn out either too funny or too out-of-this-ing-universe when he talks.
I could clearly recall that one time when he was asked about the universe then he casually answered that there really were rabbits on the moon. What the actual hell, right?! I mean... Who, in the right mind, would think that that answer won't taint his and his whole idol group's image in the entire K-pop industry? BTS' V a.k.a Kim Taehyung would! Lucky us we just laughed it out for the sake of hilarity but we were really contemplating s on the inside back then.
We were like…oh God how could we save Taehyung now. From eternal damnation. With this live broadcast still rolling? Good thing y-brained Rap Monster and swag Suga covered it up as "a personal concept of his" and was taken by the staff and viewers as a joke.
The comic J-hope also backed it up with a quotation to divert the camera and the attention towards him. And as usual…we predicted to have an earful of scolding from our manager after the broadcast and that's what really happened. All thanks to Kim Taehyung and his moon rabbits crap.
And yeah, these were only few... very few of the instances where my mind heavily questioned my heart for falling deeply for this . But I don't have to wait for my heart to jump out and shove the answer to my face because I already know why…and Seokjin hyung, Yoongi hyung, Hoseok hyung, Namjoon hyung, Jimin hyung…the managers, the staff; the fans... even Bang PDnim. The whole world seems to already know except for Taehyung.
And that's a good thing, right? Right? Jeon Jeongguk?
Yeah. It's a good thing... that, as smart as he can get, he can also be the densest person in the planet and that fully convinced me to never admit my feelings for him. Ever.
But... as much as I didn’t want to…it just has to happen. And I think I might know when and how to do it. After all…it will be December soon.
The members all had fair shares of witnessing how stupid-struck Kim Taehyung is... but they're also primary witnesses as to how great of a human being he can really be.
Taehyung never really knew. He was too oblivious to even notice the slightest bits of how he was truthfully admired by everyone around him…well, despite his being annoying most of the time.
He hadn't noticed the gratitude in Seokjin's eyes when he compliments his cooking wholeheartedly, eats it deliciously and never complains.
Well, who wouldn’t be thankful for that? He does the dishes too! He’s Seokjin hyung's favorite for that.
He hadn’t realized the unfailing concern in Namjoon's voice whenever he does reckless things all of a sudden.
He has ADHD, I tell you! He can never stay put in one spot and behave himself. Poor Namjoon hyung…always having to deal with the burden, but I personally think he fits the role. He has always been like a father to us and he admitted one time on SuKiRa that he secretly looked out for Taehyung most. All of us knew but we never really complained because he does need looking after most.
He hadn't noticed Yoongi's worry-coated advices regarding life and music producing.
Believe me, I’ve witnessed how Yoongi hyung scolds Taehyung to ‘grow up’ or ‘act his age.’ But if you’ll squint just a little, you’ll feel he really worries about him and he cares. Yoongi hyung is known for not showing real emotions and for addressing his feelings through scolding (except towards Jimin lol). And if you’re not as naïve as Taehyung, you’ll know.
Also, Hoseok’s efforts on making things easy for him are left unnoticed. The simple deeds like covering up for his petty crimes, sticking up for him when the others find him annoying, taking some of Taehyung’s insulting jokes lightly. These are the things a hyung need not do for his sake but Hoseok does...without fail.
And from what I observed, he really takes good care of Taehyung in everything he does, weird or not…that, I sometimes can’t do and I thank Hoseok hyung for that.
As for Jimin…well he had always been the older brother Taehyung never had. As they are all aware, he is the eldest among three and has a younger sister and brother. Jimin’s warm brotherly relationship with him is the most evident as he can openly show how much he cares for Taehyung even in public.
Yeah, need I say more? I envy this hyung…a lot. They treat each other well as if they were long lost brothers – well, being both 95-liner and all – but their bond is so strong even I can’t quite explain it. It gets me jealous sometimes but in the end, Jimin hyung would always tell me not to leave Taehyung hanging for long…that he’s had so much on his shoulders especially nowadays and he definitely needs someone and he’s well aware it’s me.
And as for me though, to tell you honestly...I hate Kim Taehyung, really. He was the synonym of frustration at first glance; the epitome of stupidity at second; and the summary of everything I've ever wanted at third.
I hate him for his eyes because they give me glances that make my heart jump to my throat.
I hate him for his nose because it’s so ninety-degree-triangle it’s become intimidating.
I hate him for his lips because it always curves into this cute heart-shaped figure that makes me want to kiss him to make it stop.
I hate him for his ears because it’s too big it’s adorable when he wears his snapback on…and, I unknowingly let out my damned Busan satoori on BTS 2nd Anniversary Kkul.fm describing it.
I hate his smile and the way it shapes into a box exposing his full set of teeth...as it blinds me even in broad daylight.
I hate his face because even without makeup he still looks so damn fine, worthy of a former Ulzzang title.
I hate his hands, especially the way they always find their way to intertwine with mine. They never fail to sneak themselves to at least touch mine and I bet there were times when we somehow get caught and it gets aired but it doesn’t really matter. Taehyung insists anyway.
And he says he unknowingly does it. Bull...!
And last but definitely not the least; I hate him for his voice. Because it's too ing low it had me falling on my knees, six feet under and I can’t get back up. The way he sings with it got me swimming in an ocean deep. The way he laughs with it got static running down my spine…and even as simple as him talking with it got me losing my oxygen.
Summing everything up doesn't really seem like I hate him, does it? Well, true. But so does summing it all up... to him. Telling him wouldn't change anything though…It'd still be the same because as much as he was oblivious with the other members' dead obvious acts, his obliviousness with mine doubles. And I do think it’s also partly my fault.
I admit that I am not a very expressive person and that I am never the type to just kiss and tell. And this is probably why Taehyung never noticed me...and how much I cared for…how much I longed for…how much I loved…him.
He hadn’t noticed how I would secretly sneak glances at him, be it air time or not, without anyone looking. He hadn’t noticed how I would bluntly reject the other members' offers but never with him…or how I occasionally hang out in their room to spend more time with him. Or the way I’d let him lean on my shoulders with cameras present or without.
He hadn’t felt how I tensed under his touch whenever we held hands, when he pats me in the back or hugs me. Or saw how I get flustered when he ruffles my hair, looks at me straight in the eyes or just by even gazing in my direction.
He hadn’t even realized how I would laugh in unison when he laughs or smile when he smiles, even when not directed at me. This had happened a lot during interviews and I know the fans found it a little too often to be coincidence so now...I own up.
Who am I fooling? Taehyung? No. Taehyung isn’t the one whose being tricked here…I am…by my own silly game of truth or dare.
And now, I ought not to make a fool of myself anymore because I love Taehyung. Not just by his eyes, nose or lips…his smile, his hands or his voice…but the entirety of him; his personality; his whole being. The way he makes everyone feel warm. The way he loves his family and his longing to be with them, to strive hard for them; his love for kids and for his younger brother and sister. Not to mention, his 4-dimensional personality…which makes every bit of broadcast, idol and dorm life interesting.
I just love Taehyung and I am planning to let the universe know soon enough.
// a black-screened video revealing only subtitles and voices started playing on the big screen // Jeongguk didn’t know the backstage conversation was recorded and that it was going to be aired // with the approval of Bang PDnim, the managers and all the staff, it was eventually made a permanent segment during BTS’ The Live Trilogy (The Red Bullet Concert) talks //
PD: "In 10 Years Time…" -- So this is the segment you were talking about? The one you'd want to do as a gift for V's birthday?
JEONGGUK: Yes, hyung-nim. I know you're all into this but still…keep this a secret. I want this to be phenomenal. Like, the greatest confession ever set onstage, kind of vibe. Please PD-nim, I don't want any part from the videos be leaked. I want to surprise Taehyung and the fans as well.
J-HOPE: No spoilers, huh? Sure, you can bet on that! Right guys? Hahaha.
JEONGGUK: Hyuuuuung!
J-HOPE: Wow the way he reacts... Kookie must have planned to produce this for a long time. Whoa…daebak! Wait, where is V?
JEONGGUK: Mr. Son made him run errands because he posted a trot photo of him on Twitter last night! Hahaha.
J-HOPE: Oh yeah! I saw that! Hahahaha, that was funny!
SUGA: You know what? I was surprised you even got the staff; the managers and Bang PD-nim agree to do this segment! Ugh…they really have favoritism.
JIMIN: Ah… will you please stop nagging him hyung? At least he’s doing something for Taehyung’s birthday…unlike someone I know!
SUGA: What?! Now you’re complaining about that self-produced rap I made you? You even liked it when I recorded it for you!
JIMIN: Because! Who the hell would want a rap crap about himself for his birthday?! You didn’t even make it about me…Ugh! You’re hopeless Yoongi hyung, forget it!
JIN: Oh God could you please fight elsewhere? Stop hogging the limelight to yourselves, you two! It’s their time now… besides… I truly envy Taehyung for having such a passionate, sweet and gentle someone such as Jeongguk to plan this for him.
RAP MONSTER: What? You’ve got a problem with me now?
JEONGGUK: Wait hyungs! Hahaha. I get all your points but I think we’re missing the purpose here.
J-HOPE: Ya! Ya! Ya! You guys are so insensitive…let our maknae have his way for once.
JEONGGUK: Hahaha, thanks Hobi hyung!
J-HOPE: Nah! Anytime, Kookie!
RAP MONSTER: Wait! What if he reacts weirdly again and you get disappointed with it and all?
JEONGGUK: It wouldn't be Taehyung if he'd react normally, would it hyung? Hahaha.
RAP MONSTER: Well, you could say that...You've become insanely abnormal as well since "I NEED U" promotions. The fans were overwhelmed with the sudden change.
SUGA: But what if he doesn’t react at all? I mean… if he doesn’t admit it, like you did or even say “no”?
JEONGGUK: Doesn’t matter hyung…I just want to let everyone know and show them the real me. I grew tired of hiding and it's hard to put up a facade when it is the total opposite of who I truly am. Also, I wanted to let everyone know how alike V hyung and I really are…that we aren't that much opposite to begin with. And...
JIMIN: Ew! Wait, what?! Oh no, will he be proposing to TaeTae during the concert?
JEONGGUK: What?! Hahaha…No!
JIN: Just admit it to us already! You love him, don't you?
// jeongguk pretty much expected this to come but his heart still hammered through his chest so loudly he can hear it // the other members continued teasing him and taehyung from afar as they were all seated onstage with the huge monitor behind them, playing the backstage conversation they had in the backdrop // lucky for jeongguk, he and taehyung were seated at the farthest edges // jeongguk to the far left and taehyung to the far right //
// the voices ended along with the subtitles on the screen // as expected, the crowd wreaked havoc and the uproar was too loud that it can even be heard backstage by the production staff and outside the venue // minutes later an actual video played, this time the segment itself, which now has the members in it //
PD: “WHAT WOULD YOU TELL TAEHYUNG AFTER TEN YEARS?”
"Taehyung has never really heard me say these words but oh well... ugh... wait! Why are you starting with me? Oh the age? Ah what's with BigHit and age? Okay… anyway… Taehyung-ah! Hey it's me, Jin... I'm sure I still have so many complaints to you after ten years but my biggest one yet is your habit when we're out eating. You're so picky it's annoying! Hahaha… I hope I'd still get to eat out with everyone after ten years though. Well, you know how I love to eat right? But I love it most when we're complete at the dining table. Eating with you guys relieves my stress and I'd love it more if you’d always join us while eating! With the same menu and restaurant, you brat! Hahaha! Well ten years is a pretty long time but I wish you're still the same Kim Taehyung who danced in front of my face to earn my friendship. Happy Birthday, Taehyung! "
"Do I really have to say anything? Ugh…fine! Hi Taehyung.. Happy Birthday! That's it. Hahaha…um, no wait here it is. V-ah! My friend from Daegu! Please stop embarrassing our hometown for things such as intestines and cows or else I'll punch you square in the face. But kidding aside, I just want to say thanks for always appraising my producing skills. I know you want to produce songs for Bangtan in the future and you already did with "Hold Me Tight" and I personally thought it was good. Even the fans and Tony Jones hyung thought so too! With that, I can say that after ten years you'll grow more and more. You might even surpass my skills! Hahaha, well stay as you are but try to act your age, okay? You’re twenty-one but I still see you as ten. Fix that okay? Hahaha…This is Syub Syub! Swag. Bye."
"TaeTae-ah! You watching? Of course you are! Hahaha well... this is J-Hope and I'm your hope, I’m your angel. Hahaha… back to what I’m about to say well this is Hoseok saying that I'll always be here for you. You can count on this hyung always! Hee hee hobi hobi buing buing! I know you're worried about us and you miss your family, we all do but please try to control your emotions. Aigoo, it gets all of us worried too. And if you don't have anything to do, take time to rest and sleep! You're always staying up late! We don't want you to get sick or something, okay? Happy birthday, Tae-ah! We've been in the same room a couple of times and I've never met such a genuine alien in my entire earthly existence. Haha… stay weird, it's cute. Happy Birthday, Taehyung! Saranghaeyo!!! Bye bye, ppyong!"
"Aish this kid, Kim Taehyung?! Always blaming me for destroying his earphones… This time, don’t go blaming me huh?! You freaking dropped it in the fridge when you were sleep walking and eating at midnight! I have nothing to do with that. Well, setting those aside, what can I say... Taehyung is someone who will either annoy you for his stupidity or annoy you because he can be so kind and caring at the same time. I've learned in the past that people with AB blood type have personality disorders. Yeah he's bipolar I tell you! Haha… but in a very unique and amusing way. He has this side that no one really understands, a 90% idiot 10% genius kind, then a too-serious-it's-creepy side, then his out-of-this-world alien sense which sometimes makes me want to question if he's still here with us. On earth. But I really admire you, Tae and I believe you can even have a higher IQ than me if youre going to take things seriously which you never do. Hahaha just stay humble as you are and I know you'll go a long way with your individuality. Happy birthday bro! This is RM, signing off. Peace!"
"TaeTae-ah, Happy Happy Birthday! ChimChim here... Yeah! Long live the 95z supreme team! Hahaha, whoa! It's been so long since the day we met. I've never seen you lose that box smile ever since! Well, only for one instance I think... I remember when you were not announced to debut with us on time when in fact I was the last one accepted. It should have been me but they left you out instead. I really felt sorry and I was about to give the slot up because you were so down that time and I can’t stand seeing you in that state. We were both born in 1995 but you're just a day away from being a 1996-liner! Ah I envy your youth. Hahaha well... you should know that I care for you and I want you to be happy even after ten years. You were always there to lift my spirit up when I'm down and I’ll forever owe you that, bro. Although you're always talking nonsense, I understand that there's some deep sense in it somewhere. Just keep in mind that I'm always here, never ever forget. We're the dynamic duo! Hahaha you can share all your worries with me anytime! I'll listen. Again, Happy Birthday, TaeTae! Saranghae!!!"
"Mm-hm... hello is this thing on? Yeah? Okay, here goes... Hi V-hyung! Sorry I really can't call you by your real name I don't even know why. Well you’re now probably ready to run backstage out of sheer embarrassment, but I’m willing to run after you and drag you back onstage! Dead or alive! Hahaha…this is now or never hyung and I promised myself that I'd drop everything in one telling. First, I want to greet you a big Happy Birthday! You deserve all the love in this entire universe and if you’d let me, I’d willingly give it you. Second, I am really sorry for plotting something as big and humiliating as this just to tell you something. And lastly, I want you to know just that one thing. The hyungs have been repeatedly asking me this ever since I could remember but I was too afraid to admit it even to myself. Years have passed and I thought my feelings for you would eventually fade but I was so wrong. Yes hyung, ever since you walked in the trainee hall…ever since you shook my hand and introduced yourself…ever since you laid foot on BigHit…I have always wanted to make you notice me. I have always known you’re special. Because even though I fought so hard to push my feelings aside…it just kept growing. No matter how hard I deny it, it just shows. No matter how much I try to avoid you, I just kept moving closer. No matter how hard I divert my sight, you’re just everywhere I lay my eyes on. And now I want you and whole world to know that I never did like you…I loved you. So much it keeps me up at night. So much it sweeps me off my feet. So much that it hurts hyung. I wouldn’t ask for you to return the favor…but please just… just let me love you and that would be enough. Happy Birthday V-hyung! This is Jeongguk and I've been in love… no, I am constantly in love with you, Kim Taehyung. I love you.”
The concert hall went wild as Jeongguk slowly approaches a now-crying Taehyung. He had been crouching down the whole time without even peeking up the screen. And as what the younger had predicted, he attempted to escape backstage as soon as the younger’s video started playing but Jeongguk managed to pull him back before he could even step down and run. Both of them returned with Taehyung cradled in Jeongguk's arms.
There were tears…not only in the elder’s eyes but in the members’ too…in the fans'… and the staffs’. The younger could feel Taehyung trembling in his arms and as he slowly slid him back to his seat...he only cried harder.
The members did nothing to ruin the atmosphere and just huddled the group over into a big circle and comforted each other, mostly Taehyung, in the process.
Admittedly, this was the best gift Taehyung has ever received in all his lifetime. Having his parents' support made it even more perfect. They have been waiting for something already evident to happen and that led them further to what was really happening... Led both of them here to where they are now, laughing while crying like drunkards in love, onstage with a full live audience before them. They wouldn't have had it any other way.
And just as everyone thought it was over…a playback conversation started to echo over the speakers. It was a fuzzy audio but the conversation was fairly comprehensible.
Upon hearing the audio, the members immediately knew where it was from and why it was aired. It was recently from last night’s spin-the-bottle game, when everyone was too nervous to fall asleep for today's concert.
// an audio plays // a sound where a bottle continuously hits the floor as it spins with friction, can be heard // and jeongguk knows nothing of this //
JIN: My turn! … … Oooh, it’s Taehyung! Truth or dare?
V: I won’t take any dares in the middle of the night hyung, so Truth.
JIN: Okay…so there’s something bothering me, us rather. The rest of the members insist that I ask you this because I’m the eldest. And… it’s too freaking obvious it pains me to just let it pass.
SUGA: What, us?! Leave me out of that… I’m not really interested!
V: Sure hyung… what is it?
JIN: I have two questions actuall-
V: -wait two?! That’s not fair hyung!
J-HOPE: Fine! We’ll buy you a quarter pounder at Burger King if you answer them!
V: Yes! No! Maybe? What answer do you wan-
RAP MONSTER: -listen to Seokjin first, will you?!
V: Oh yeah sure hyung, sorry. Hahaha!
JIN: First one is… if you were to date someone here, who would it be? Well, voiding the current pairings, of course. Who would you pick?
V: Um, he isn’t here with us…
JIMIN: What?! Wait, you mean you have someone in mind that isn’t in Bangtan? Ugh… I’m heartbroken, TaeTae.
V: No! I mean he’s not here, here.
RAP MONSTER: What. Does. That. Even. Mean? Earth to Taehyung? We don’t do alien sense bro! Please translate.
V: Hyung! I mean he’s not here in the room with us! He's in there… in the shower room… taking a shower.
J-HOPE: I knew it! Ha! Pay up Yoongi hyung! I told you so...
JIMIN: You guys are even betting money on them?! How crazy can you both get? And you said you didn’t care… “Not really interested” my hyung!
SUGA: Who cares? I was bored and I thought it’d be fun. And shut up Hoseok! I never said I’d really do it! Hahaha… besides, he hadn’t really admitted it yet!
V: Admit what, hyung?
JIN: Oh never mind! On to the next question… well we kind of knew this was coming so this next question would require a more specific answer. Since when have you started liking Jeongguk?
V: Uhm… who said something about liking him, hyung? I liked him before but now, liking him has become an understatement. I thought I made it clear with my actions by now…that I never did like him…I loved him. From the moment our eyes met until this very instance. I have always loved Jeongguk, even to the extent of just leaving things as it is. I could only be a friend, a roommate, a best friend, a co-member to him and not mind… because I'm not as selfish so as to demand him to do the same. He didn’t ask me to like him. He didn’t ask me to fall for him either. I’ve loved him at my own accord and I will continue doing so at my own will.
A few minutes later…
JEONGGUK: Hey guys? What have you been loud about while I’m showering? And why is Hoseok hyung asking Yoongi hyung for money?
Sure, loving someone is one thing, but admitting that you do...is another. Taehyung and Jeongguk had been wrong in all the right ways and if it hadn’t been for the games, they wouldn’t learn the truths from the dares.
As Jeongguk learned that it takes a lot of dares to dig up the truth, Taehyung realized that it takes a lot of knowing the truth to win over the dares.
And so the night went on...filling the air with fervor as the concert gradually slows to a stop.
But before the lights could even dim, the crowd watched as Taehyung took the younger in his arms pressing their bodies close... no, closer until they're breathing the same fervent air, foreheads lightly touching. Until their lips finally found home, passionately locking as they both danced to their favorite Jessie Ware song.
“Say you love me…”
“I do…love you.”
A/N
Hello, my lovely readers! I am back... I just dropped by, temporarily, with a new fic! I finally learned how to write a romance-without-angsty-vibes kind of fic and it was a great experience. I enjoyed writing this story so I hope you will too upon reading it! ^^
As for "No FAIR in FAREWELL," I am currently polishing its 6th chapter and will update very soon so please still anticipate the next chapters! The draft is literally rotting on my laptop so I guess I need to upload it soon. ~ Also, I am currently trolling on AO3 (click link for my account) and I stick around a lot more there than here. I crossposted a bettered version of "No FAIR in FAREWELL" there on AO3 too so hurry and sneak a peek if you'd like! No worries, I would always crosspost my stories on both sites :)
Once again, I would love to hear from you so please write down your thoughts by commenting below!
THIS STORY IS CROSSPOSTED ON AO3 TOO! <3
Much more love,
alylylove
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