She sits up startled in her seat, emerging out of the novel she had been deeply immersed in, at the loud ping off of her phone. She shuffles around to reach the bed and scramble its contents to get a hold of it. Her eyes go wide and her heart races wildly in anticipation, all the while fumbling over to unlock her phone. When she does get it open and lay eyes on the small notification at the top of her screen, her heart drops in disappointment.

It was just Jun posting another selca calling out to the fans, exciting all the fangirls who are now probably screaming at their phones. It is not that she is not excited. However it is not him and the wait was unbearable.

Ever since this avenue of being able to connect with MADTOWN through this messaging application, the fans have been nothing but overjoyed about actually getting a chance to let the boys know how much they loved them and the amazing perk here was the fact that the boys actually replied to the fans randomly. No fan wanted to be left behind and she was no exception.

However, her intentions ran a little deeper, a little more specific.

She navigates through too reach his profile, his dimple filled cheeks and curvy smile greeting her, knocking the breath out of her a little. She scrolls to see how his timeline displayed no new updates and she sighs hard. He’s never going to show up, she declares and throws her phone aside, dropping flat on her bed. Just thinking about him actually showing up online made her flutter on the inside. She wasn’t sure what will happen to her if he ever replies to one of her messages. She knew for sure that she wouldn’t survive if he actually remembered her.

Song Jaeho was no stranger to her. She’d known him from school, mostly through the stage performances he would put on and how she always found him cute. They had shared the same classes until the time she had to move away and it was towards the final years that they managed to get close. He was always this amazing source of energy that made her happy without even trying much. Eyes always filled with happiness, smile so wide and dimples so big and cute was how she described when her mother had noticed the change and asked her who the new friend was that made her daughter smile so much.

‘I hope you guys stay in touch even after we move away.’ Her mother had said and she knew that she hoped for the same.

Only funny thing about hope was that it was uncertain.

They managed to stay in touch through the initial years of school, speaking everyday until they couldn’t distinguish morning from night, about things only they found interesting. He was overjoyed to have finally made it into an arts school and how she also made it into the school of her dreams and how they were going to reach high and grab all their dreams. It was only a matter of time before life took them by the stride and soon their dynamics changed. Long conversation became shorter, that became morning greetings that eventually became greeting during festivals and then finally the conversations no longer happened.

She never stopped thinking about him. Random things would trigger treasured memories involving him and a smile would take over her lips naturally. Simple things like petting a puppy would remind her of his soft hair. Just listening to the guitar showing up in any song would remind her of him playing and how he would always deny that he was good at it despite being so. Watching someone dance to hip hop would remind her of his fluid movements and the ease with which he would move across the dance floor, living every minute of every beat to the fullest, dropping her jaw to the floor every single time.

She always thought about him and what he was up to but time had allowed awkward feelings to slip in and she had found herself quite anxious about contacting him again. It wasn’t the fact that he hadn’t tried to contact her all this while made her feel that. It was rather a dilemma about where to start. Life had moved ahead with such pace that she really doesn’t remember the point where they had let go and the feelings involved at that point. She didn’t want to come across as anything but a good friend and that task seemed hard to pull off.

Yet somehow she had found enough courage to pick up her phone and text him about seven months ago. A simple ‘Hello’ was what she decided on, followed by a ‘It’s been so long’ and had patiently waited for him to reply. A week had passed with her longingly staring at her phone for a reply and she almost thought that he had given up on her or was possibly angry that she didn’t stay in touch with him for so long. All these thoughts were clouding her until she decided to give all this one last chance and call him.

‘The number you have dialed is no longer in service’, said the automated voice and she face palmed hard. The hastiness was weird and the she didn’t understand even a bit why she had this sudden urge to talk to him. She still wonders why and what made her look him up over in social networking sites back then and wonders if it was fate or just plain timing but what she found was much more than what she had expected to find about him.

He had been training to debut as a singer when she had found him again. Further research into this matter let her know that he was training with at least six more people and they were going to debut as a group soon and she couldn’t believe her eyes. He had always been passionate about being a performer, singing and dancing becoming an integral part of who he was as a person. She was rather proud to see him go for it, remembering how he repeatedly used to talk about dreaming of a bigger stage and how he wanted people to hear his voice and see him dance. She was beaming with pride and it did something to her on the inside. She wasn’t sure what the feeling was but since then she hadn’t been able to stop feeling that way.

She rolls over, lying on her stomach as she pulls up the app and refreshes the feed. Daewon and Lee Geon had updated and from the chatter in the Twitter-verse it looked like they were replying to their fans as well. One by one they were all showing up and she found herself almost giving up on him. She presses play on her music system and their album plays, filling her senses to the brim. Soon his voice comes out and it sends a tingle down her spine, unable to understand why that happened every time she listened to him sing. His voice had a charm; it was deep yet soft and alluring all together. You cannot help but love it and every passing day she found the love deepening with no reason to stop.

‘Why are you suddenly obsessed with him?’

‘Are you trying to get closer to a celebrity now?’

‘How do you even know that it is him that is replying or posting there?’

Her conscience had questioned or rather about her extensive efforts to get in touch with him when he was clearly no longer within her reach. She was rather furious about it but she had no one to blame but herself to feel all this because in a way that is how it would seem to the outside world. She wasn’t doing this for any of the reasons people could think about but just to let a good friend know that she was still here and will be there supporting him to the end in whatever he does. However, the more she dwells on these thoughts and defends herself from such attacking questions within herself, she wonders. She wonders if all that she was feeling for him was friendship or more.

Almost an hour after lunch she hears her phone buzz again. She had almost drifted off into a mid-day nap thanks to the delicious food she had and almost didn’t consider picking up the phone, declaring to herself that it will not be him. However, when she found herself springing off the bed and sitting up with her phone lodged n between her trembling hands, there could be only one reason. He had posted a message in the app.

He had posted a message in the app and it was an audio message.

She could barely breathe easy as she clicked play to let his voice take over her through the headphones. When the first note falls off his guitar, she feels itch with the emotions overflowing within. Memories flood her all at once, the times he would play for her and her alone when they hang out and how she would transcend into another world altogether and she couldn’t help but fight the tears that were threatening to overflow. To her aid came Jun who ruined the whole thing by randomly cutting in, playing the piano and also Daewon and Geon who were speaking rather loudly. She laughs without expecting this and finally calms down, reminding herself of the reality and as she hears him whine she is glad that he hadn’t changed all that much.

She quickly types out a reply, the first words that show up in her mind, describing how awesome he sounds and also includes a question for him that she’s been trying to get an answer for a while now. She sends it and wonders if she had been polite enough as she reads it again and wonders if he would actually reply something positive. She had made sure she used her name, her picture, making sure that if he does see her, he should be able to remember her. She re-reads the final part of the message and smiles at the imagination where he wish could actually come true.

‘Jaeho…When will you release a song cover?’

She decides to go for a small walk and shuffles around her bed to get up and get dressed. When her phone buzzes behind her, her senses fail. She finds herself frozen to the spot, ears still ringing with the familiar notification tone and her mind screaming at her to pick up the phone. The possibility of him replying to her this quickly dawned upon her, something that she did not expect. Dumbfounded she opens her phone to only almost pass out by reading the words that were on her screen.

‘H.O has checked the message I sent’

And he had also left her a reply in private.

‘I will make one for sure when there is time, I promise.’

She reads those words and happiness surges from head to toe. She is unable to explain her feelings to herself at the moment because her heart rate was plummeting beyond comprehensive measures. It felt personal, like it was meant for only her and she tries to grip onto her sanity, wondering and wishing if he actually remembered her. She quickly types out a reply telling him that she is waiting and will hold onto this promise and she cannot help but smile widely at the beautiful world around her.

That is life though… it always throws curve balls at you.

She goes on Twitter and finds that he has replied many other fans as well; a couple of them posting screenshots of replies that were almost similar to hers. Only he didn’t promise them but that wasn’t really helping her feelings at the moment. She sets her phone aside and starts to wonder about her priorities. There she was, holding onto a past and hoping to bring it along with her to the future and as someone who is educated and is well aware of reality, she should know. She should have known not to fall so hard for someone who is almost unreachable now and looking at herself, sulking about this situation, she hated it. Time passed by quickly and the following messages posted by other members didn’t excite her as much as she expected. He had forgotten her, she was now sure of it.

It was a little past midnight and she was almost ready to sleep and forget about the events of the day and that was when her phone beeped again. Aimlessly she picks it up to see whose it was and it was Jaeho. She wondered if she should open it and then be disappointed further, realizing that she was no longer a part of his memory. However she couldn’t help it and did open the message because to her, he was still a good friend and she cares too much about him. It was a sound file once again and she takes a deep breath to calm herself down before she plugged in her head phones and pressed play. Little did she expect her mind to be blown.

Ellie Goulding’s Love Me Like You Do flows out of his guitar and her heart stops. She knows the song, in fact loves it and she was surprised at his choice. His deep and alluring voice suddenly comes in and takes her by surprise, despite knowing that is when the song starts. He takes it slow and low, strumming the guitar lightly and all of her senses are focused, waiting for the chorus to break. And when it does, she is done for. He sings with such passion and love for the music he is playing that even she can feel it. With every note it was a new ride, a new adventure that her feelings took and as he finally finished the song, she checks the duration and it is under 2 minutes. She was pretty sure she had been gone from reality for ages.

She has absolutely no idea what took over her, but she pulls out the voice recording option in the app and sings the chorus of the song again the same way he did and send it back to him. She types enthusiastically saying ‘Jaeho, I did it too!’ in the most casual manner, just like how they were when as friends. Once she is done, she realizes how casually she had done it, like as if they were still together, still in touch. She begins to wonder how it would have been if they were actually in touch with each other and thinks if they had, would they still be friends or would they be something more. She dismisses the thought almost immediately, declaring to herself that he will never like her as something more than a friend and the thought somewhat hurt her. That was unexpected and now she wondered if she was really wanting something more out of this and eventually feared regretting this.

Her clouded thoughts were suddenly cleared when the phone beeped again and she picked it up absent mindedly, forgetting about the situation temporarily. When the screen blinks, informing her of another notification from him, her heart stops momentarily.

‘Oh… you did well!^^’

The message is short but sincere and exactly as how he would sound. The fact that he listened to her sing in itself was a miracle. To get a reply for this was something that she didn’t expect and now found herself to be a quivering mess. She is happy, beyond happy. She is ecstatic and there were no words to explain her situation. She shares this on twitter and screams along with her friends there, not wanting to come down from the high his message had sent her on. Maybe because she was on such a high, she didn’t notice that the ‘Reply’ section had ‘1’ next to it and she hadn’t replied to him yet. She presses it and a screen pops up, the words written there pulling the tears she had been fighting all day against, out of her eyes.

‘So… did I keep my promise well?’ he asks and calls her name at the end and she is a sobbing mess. He does remember her and he did promise only her. He knew her and her life seemed perfectly complete at the moment. All her doubts and inhibitions disappeared with those simple words and she couldn’t be more thankful to him. He hadn’t forgotten her and she was happy.

Since he debuted up until now she had sent him a lot of messages of encouragement and strength in an attempt to let him know that she was here. Now that she knows that he knows, she decided on sending this one thing for which a reply was long overdue. She smiles like a kid as she types it out and reads it again as she sends it to him, wiping the tears away from her cheeks that were now hurting from all the smiling she was doing.

‘Hello… its been so long.’

She waits for her reply, positive that she would get one this time and when her phone pings, she smiles.

‘Yes it is. I have missed you too much. Let’s talk, shall we?^^’

How could she ever say no?