he’s three years younger than him and still a student, but jaehwan finds himself falling more and more each time sanghyuk stands outside his door with a smile and a bag of takeout in his hand. uniform abandoned for sweats and an old tank top, sanghyuk sits perched on jaehwan’s couch, slurping loudly on fried noodles and talking animatedly about his history class. sanghyuk’s a bit of a nerd (he’d like hyunsik), but jaehwan still listens, day in and day out whenever he comes over. it’s like a routine until the day jaehwan finds sanghyuk napping outside his door in the hall – waiting for him to come home probably – and he gives in without a fight, kissing sanghyuk. it’s barely his lips grazing the other’s but sanghyuk awakes, cheeks heated and pupils dilated.

—

sanghyuk is pretty sure this is the building where sungjae lives. sungjae is his classmate and sanghyuk’s a runaway, trying to look for a hideout until his parents realize how overbearing they are. he knows it’s childish – he knows that he is childish – but he doesn’t care, he has a bag packed and directions on his cell phone and there’s a swirling in his stomach that just doesn’t settle.

“are you lost?” those are the first words, the first words sanghyuk ever hears from jaehwan.

and he isn’t, not really, he found the right place, just knocked on the wrong door and met with the wrong person.

(jaehwan could easily be the right person if sanghyuk would let him be.)

“i’m looking for yook sungjae?”

“you sound lost.”

sanghyuk frowns. he isn’t lost. “i think i’ve just got the wrong apartment.”

“you’re lost, aren’t you.” it sounds insistent, it isn’t a question. sanghyuk opens his mouth to retort that, but jaehwan adds, “want some cake?”

it’s weird, but sanghyuk’s a little weird and so is jaehwan apparently. jaehwan has a fridge stocked with nothing but cakes and cookies and pies and sweets. his cabinets have little to no dishes in there, but plastic bags of snacks occupy most of the space anyways. it’s unhealthy. jaehwan is unhealthy.

“i’m jaehwan by the way,” he introduces after sanghyuk’s sitting on his couch, a thick slice of strawberry shortcake sitting in his lap and a styrofoam cup of iced tea in his hand. it’s weird. this is weird.

“sanghyuk,” he says and takes a bite of the cake. it’s sweet, too sweet.

“i…need to go grocery shopping, wanna come with?” jaehwan suddenly says after sitting beside sanghyuk. he’s really weird.

“uhm,” sanghyuk grips the plastic fork in his hand. “i’m supposed to be meeting someone.”

“i thought you said you were lost?”

he sighs. it’s a tired one. “you said that.”

“oh, right, yeah, look–” jaehwan stops abruptly and then seems to pull his mind together. “this is sort of weird, don’t you think?”

“you’re the one who invited me in,” sanghyuk furrows his brows but his lips are turned upwards. “you’re the one making this weird.”

“yeah, but you came into a stranger’s house.”

sanghyuk doesn’t really say anything about that because it’s true. he did come in. he didn’t have to. “i should go.”

“wait, i need to go grocery shopping first.”

and that’s how sanghyuk winds up holding a basket with five pineapples in it and a bag of grapes. this whole thing is ridiculous, jaehwan can’t be trusted, he didn’t even know where the grocery store was. it took them five laps around the plaza before sanghyuk whipped out his cellphone’s gps and found the correct store. the neighborhood is small but sanghyuk is foreign to it and so is jaehwan apparently.

“sorry, i’ve never gone before,” jaehwan says, lips pursed.

“that’s okay, i guess.” sanghyuk doesn’t really wanna question into it because jaehwan says a lot of strange things and sanghyuk’s honestly fine without knowing anything.

but jaehwan doesn’t seek sanghyuk’s approval to continue, he does it all on his own. “i own a bakery. owned, actually, closed down a few days ago. i just moved to this area. i don’t really know it, but i really needed pineapples.”

sanghyuk glances down at the bag of grapes.

“oh, those are for you. you look like you like grapes.”

and he does.

when they get back, sanghyuk is greeted by sungjae in the elevator. there’s a look of question on his face, especially with jaehwan right behind him, but he blinks it away and says, “i’ve been looking for you.”

“oh hey,” jaehwan grins, “you’re not lost anymore.”

and he isn’t, he supposes, but now the swirling in his stomach seems to only grow stronger.

—

it’s his fault, but he still feels like it can all be justified by blaming anything else but himself. hyunsik shrugs most of the time whenever jaehwan whines about it, because he knows it’s his fault too, but saying it to jaehwan’s face will result in denial and prickly-ness.

obviously, he is bummed out by the lack of sanghyuk everywhere he goes. there’s no carrot-haired boy by his side, poking his elbow and complaining about the unfair amounts of homework that his classes have him do, or sanghyuk waiting for him to come from work with bags of takeout that jaehwan loves because he never really cooks for himself and his kitchen is nothing but sweetness.

sanghyuk avoids him.

—

ilhoon’s just come out of the shower when he finds sanghyuk curled on the carpet, hands covering his face and mumbling some words that sound vaguely like a satanic chant.

“how long is he going to be staying here?” he asks when he finds sungjae in the kitchen pouring himself a glass of milk.

“i guess until hyunsik’s hot friend asks him to move in or whatever,” sungjae shrugs. he’s never really cared about the affairs of his friends unless it had to deal with wild shenanigans, in which case he was fully alerted. “they went shopping together. they just met and they went shopping together.”

“yeah, they’re totally fated to be,” ilhoon rolls his eyes before grabbing the glass of milk from sungjae and drinking half of it in big gulps. sungjae protests and sanghyuk rolls over in full embarrassment.

everything is just too weird.

—

jaehwan would give sanghyuk everything if he could. he’d give him the stars and moon and all the lights in the world and beyond, and he’d lay himself raw and open on the pavement just so that sanghyuk could know, so that he could see. apart of jaehwan sort of envies hyunsik, because at least ilhoon knows that hyunsik is willing to bare all for him, to push past limits and break if given the command. pathetic. jaehwan thinks he’s more pathetic than hyunsik now.

they finally run into each other in the elevator, it was inevitable and jaehwan had been hoping this encounter would have happened a lot sooner, but he sure isn’t the one complaining when the gears of the elevator start creaking and they stop in between floors.

“you have got to be kidding me,” says sanghyuk. it makes jaehwan frown.

“sorry you’re trapped with me of all people.”

“that’s not–” sanghyuk squirms with his words. “hi hyung.”

jaehwan wants to smile at that. he wants to laugh and burst into hysterics over sanghyuk’s ‘hi hyung’, but he keeps the straight face that he walked into the elevator with. “it’s been almost two weeks.”

something in sanghyuk’s face twists. “you’re mad at me?”

he shouldn’t be happy about this, but god, jaehwan is. it’s what he likes so much about sanghyuk. he’s fearless, he’ll receive stars and the moon as a gift but toss them aside like it means nothing. sanghyuk doesn’t need someone to write words of love on his arm and bathe him in honeyed light, sanghyuk would know jaehwan’s heart and close it right up, he would put stitches there to remind jaehwan that’s he knows, he’s seen it but that isn’t what he wants.

“you kissed me and you’re mad?” sanghyuk stares hard at the reflective elevator walls. jaehwan wants that glare directed at him. he’s so weird.

“i apologized! you’ve been avoiding me!” he keeps his eyes trained on sanghyuk like a magnifying glass setting fire to an ant. he wonder if his gaze even has that effect on the younger.

“then you should have been a nice hyung about it and let me sort out my feelings, okay?” sanghyuk burns. he’s burning. jaehwan really wants it to be from him.

“i’m sorry,” he says and it isn’t the least subdued or ingenuine. just very very forward. “i just didn’t think me kissing you could possibly be the worst thing in the world.”

“it isn’t–” sanghyuk fumbles around again. “you could have asked, you know.”

“would you have let met then?” jaehwan perks up, his tone much lighter. “all it would have taken me was a heartbeat and i’d–”

“god, you’re so weird,” sanghyuk sighs. it’s a tired one. “give me space, please.”

“sanghyuk, we’re trapped in an elevator, i couldn’t possibly–”

he gets shoved by the younger, laughter erupting from him and sanghyuk is smiling too so it doesn’t feel so bad.

jaehwan does plan on giving him some space, but not right now, because they’re still stuck in the elevator and it’s the middle of winter so despite their confines being so small, it’s still cold and honestly jaehwan likes the feel of sanghyuk’s arm pressed against him. he wants to wrap himself around sanghyuk and keep him warm, he wouldn’t mind if all his body heat was up by the other.

not too many people live in the building, so it’s a few hours before someone else tries to take the elevator, only to discover that it’s immobile and it’s another few hours before jaehwan’s safely back in his own bed, blankets thick and warm around him and thinking about asking sanghyuk for a kiss next time.

—

sanghyuk sleeps on the living room floor because sungjae and ilhoon don’t have a couch, it’s inconvenient, but so is sanghyuk, so he has no room to complain. he only has the one bag and it’s clothes and school crap and his parents know where to find him, but he never gets found. that’s when he stops by that noodle place and gets different cartons of different things he’s never tried before. he winds up two floors exactly down from sungjae’s flat; jaehwan’s door.

“i got a new job,” he informs sanghyuk, sauce making his lips look shiny under the fluorescent light.

“you’re not gonna get it closed down like your last place, right?” sanghyuk jokes, jaehwan smiles.

“i owned that place okay. and it got shut down because i opened it in the wrong neighborhood.”

“yeah, that’s why.” sanghyuk says sarcastically and jaehwan kicks him under the coffee table.

“it’s at the convenience store down the street. i stock shelves and what have you,” jaehwan says without much interest. it sounds so boring. “gotta pay the bills.”

“do you think you’ll start baking again? i mean, for a living?” sanghyuk asks because he just has to know.

jaehwan doesn’t really answer him, just hums an ‘i don’t know’ and inhales the rest of his food, “i made a pineapple upside down cake. we can have it afterwards.”

it tastes sweet, but sanghyuk realizes that a lot of things jaehwan touches turn sweet.

(sanghyuk included.)