His stare is straightened to nowhere. Whether to the sky, the cotton white clouds, the crowded street, or the yellow-ish leaves. He doesn’t even know either. Just staring outside the bus window. His mind is also nowhere. And he doesn’t even want to get it back though.

The sun is getting near to the horizon. Leaving the sky until it turns into beautiful gradation of red, orange, and yellow. Perfectly blended.

Jaejoon finally finds his consciousness when the bus driver yells,”Last stop, Young fella!” Jaejoon giggles. Did he just calling me ‘Young fella’?, he mouths. He looks around. There is no one else in the bus except him, and absolutely the driver. The ‘Young fella’, it must be him.

This forest green bus stops. Jaejoon carefully gets off the bus and gives a simple smile to the driver in his mid-fiftees,”Thank you, Sir.” and so he goes on. It was the last smile of this day, he whispers in his heart. Not because he is cold-hearted, but indeed, he is going to meet no one after walking until the end of the alleyway.

~~~

The sound of unlocked door is heard. Jaejoon opens the navy blue door which has a series of number on it. 207.

He has no need to tell anyone that he had got home since he lives all alone in this small apartment. Small, but you can find peace easily because most people who live here are busy worker. They leave around six in the morning, and get back home around midnight or nearly dawn. Jaejoon leaves after them, and gets back before them. Also he starts and ends his routine study before those people get back from their works.

Jaejoon doesn’t know nor understand what do they do for earning money. Nevertheless, he once thought how freaking tired they are. Less sleep, much working, everything in rush. However, that is life in town if you want to survive.

After entering the apartment, Jaejoon locks the door and throws his heavy backpack on the couch next to his bed. He sits there and sighs. His cellphone rings. Not for a call, but a reminder. That typical of high school student reminder.

– Finish all biology excercises on page 96 until 113
– Write essay about teenage problem in Japanese

“Got home already?” suddenly, there is a voice. And it comes from inside this apartment. Jaejoon is a bit surprised. But then he realises something that he must get used to it. He inhales the cold atmosphere then turns his gaze to his own reflection in the mirror at his right.

He replies to the voice,”Yes.”

“I think, you should turn the lights on.”

Jaejoon turns the lights on. Following ‘his’ instruction. He goes two steps closer to the mirror. Now, his eyes and his reflection’s eyes meet,”It has been a week, but I still feel strange about it.” after uttering the sentence, a quite silence embraces the apartment.

The voice speaks again,”Don’t worry,” it continues,”Because I am you.” it states. Or ‘he’ states.

Jaejoon only nods once. However, he still needs time to adapt with this condition. When he is able to have a conversation with his own reflection in the mirror.

~~~

It was last week when Jaejoon met the another him. At least, in his opinion, ‘he’ was another him. That day, everything seemed normal. Absolutely normal. Although the sunshine was covered by the clouds and rain started to fall, people were doing just fine. Including Jaejoon himself.

Jaejoon was extremely sleepy that day. He didn’t know whether it was because he was only tired or the weather supported him to sleep. But he shouldn’t stay like this,”Excuse me, Sir!”

“Yes?”

“May I go to the toilet?”

“Sure. Less than three minutes, please. Because we’re going to have a pre-test for the next lesson.” after Mr. Ryu said that, Jaejoon rapidly ran to the toilet in order to wash his face. When he was about to reach the door, all students in the classroom were in panic because of the pre-test which Mr. Ryu had just told before.

Jaejoon was alone in the toilet. The sound from flowing water was heard quite loud. He washed his face and then he looked at the mirror in front of him. Tidying up his hair and continue washing his face. The water was cold. And Jaejoon hoped that it would stop him from getting sleepy.

I think it’s enough.

He caught a glance to the mirror before turning around in order to get back to the classroom. And then he realised something was wrong. Or totally wrong.

His reflection in the mirror was steadily standing still the same even when he tried to move his arm,”Hello.” someone’s voice greeted him. Jaejoon attempted to find out who was calling, but he got no one in the room. He was still alone.

The voice speaks again,”You don’t need to look for who is talking,”

“Why?”

“Because, here I am in front of you. And I am you. So, the one who is currently talking to you, is yourself.”

~~~

“Jaejoon.”

No reply,

“Hey, Jaejoon.”

No respond,

“Jaejoon!” and finally, the one who is being called has come back from his short dreamland. Jaejoon opens up his eyes then studies the standing figure in front of him. It is Jaewon, who is Jaejoon’s senior. Jaejoon straightens his back and looks at his surrounding. Everyone in the class is staring at his spot. He knows it is not because of him, but the existence of Jaewon.

Jaewon seems not really care about everything. He keeps on focusing his attention to Jaejoon,”Cafetaria?” Jaejoon refuses with silence,”Oh, come on!” Jaewon takes a seat next to Jaejoon. He closes all books on Jaejoon’s desk then speaks,”Do you know what is the definition of break time?” Jaejoon gives no respond and takes out a highlighter from his pencil case. Jaewon rapidly stops him,”Break time is a time when you should let go of these things and have lunch.”

“I don’t need lunch.”

“Human-beings need lunch. Unless you are not human.” Jaewon states which can make Jaejoon eventually stop his activity.

~~~

Sometimes Jaejoon thinks that Jaewon’s statement was right. They have been knowing each other for a lifetime. And Jaewon knows him a lot.

Jaejoon have been living a life of a programmed robot. His parents set his mind-set with only one tool. That tool is a speech,”High grade leads you to success.” and that was what Jaejoon have in mind whenever he is, wherever he is. Meanwhile, Jaewon is a cheerful and fun man. When he was a kid, he spent his spare time calling Jaejoon from outside of Jaejoon’s house,”Would you like to play outside?” the answer was always the same,”No, I’m reading something!” until Jaejoon’s mother came out telling Jaewon to get inside.

Jaewon always found Jaejoon was reading some books. Books which are not capable for Jaewon’s brain. If Jaewon had entered Jaejoon’s room, Jaejoon would stop reading then took out chess board from his drawer,”I’d like to play with you but I don’t want to go out.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to get pain.”

“What pain?” those question was never answered.

But then Jaewon finally got its answer.

~~~

It was the first time when Jaewon succeeded asking Jaejoon to play outside. Jaejoon seemed excited and thay day was also the first time for Jaewon seeing Jaejoon this happy. Or was it also the first time Jaejoon getting away from his huge pile of books and spacious cage which he called it as bedroom.

There were around seven people including Jaejoon and Jaewon in basketball court near the housing complex,”My friend would like to join!” Jaewon shouted. The kids who are playing suddenly stopped their activity. It was quite shocking Jaejoon to hear one of their responses,”Are you new here? Haven’t seen you before.” even they didn’t know that Jaejoon had been living there since he was born.

Jaewon had expected that some of them would get annoyed at first but then after Jaejoon joining them, they seemed like the existence of Jaejoon. Jaewon also didn’t know how could a boy like Jaejoon was able to play basketball that good. He didn’t care how and where Jaejoon learned it. It was such a relief to see Jaejoon like this.

An adult man was standing not too far from the court. He was wearing a tidy suit and quite expensive leather shoes. His stare was only straightened to a dark-skinned boy who was sweating a lot. He called that boy,”Lee Jaejoon!” Jaejoon turned his sight facing the man. Jaejoon froze on his feet out of the blue. His trembling lips started to open but his heart refused. But he must,”Father…”

The man stepped forward. He smiled, after that it turned into a scary smirk. His wide palm landed on Jaejoon’s face in inappropriate gesture. Jaejoon was hurting, he felt the pain, but he couldn’t shed a tear. That man once again did the same thing to another side of Jaejoon’s face,”Nice son, good son, kind son, awesome son, dilligent and smart son. People always say that to me and people rely on you. And now you are just wasting your time here. Get back home or I will tell your mother not to let you have your meal until you finish the book I bought you.” he pulled his son back home.

~~~

“Even you hate yourself, don’t you?”

“Shut up.”

“I am you, remember that. I know whenever you go to church, you only pray that you wish you could be reborn in a homie family.”

“Oh, really?” Jaejoon replies shortly. He sighs as he gets two steps closer to the mirror. He faces his own face which is also glaring back,”Tell me more.” Jaejoon tells his reflection to talk more about many things inside of Jaejoon that have never been shouted to the world. The another him seems so enthusiastic,”You like dancing, don’t you? Hip-hop dance? Popping? You should join that dance academy. You are good!”

“Then you must take responsibility if my father hit me again like before.” he giggles,

“Don’t worry. By the way, would you mind to show it? It’s a good chance since you can’t dance after leaving this room. Or maybe if you have some courage.” hearing this order, Jaejoon refuses to do it. Saying that he is still in not a good mood to dance.

A few minutes of silence as an intermezzo. Jaejoon’s reflection starts talking again,”Hey Jaejoon -”

“You are Jaejoon, too!”

“Calm down, I just need to tell you one more thing.”

“What?”

“It’s alright to talk with her. You don’t know whether she is also waiting for you or not.”

~~~

There is a girl who sits at the back, the last row, the corner of the classroom. Not sure if her height is about 150 cm or more but she definitely a lot shorter than Jaejoon. Her fair skin seems a bit dazzling under the sunshine which is shining brightly through the window. Her long semi-curly black hair is tied by a neon-colored ribbon.

Jaejoon secretly pays a lot attention to her while being busy with his rubic cube. She is always so quiet. She rarely talks unless important. Nevertheless, she is not an anti-social. She has some close friends, although when they talk to her, she only responds with a smile.

One thing that Jaejoon never understands is, she never goes to cafetaria in lunch time. At first, Jaejoon thought that she always brought her own lunch, but no. All she does is reading and reading. One time, Jaejoon took a glance and found out that she was reading The Land of Stories. But this is different, whether it is another new book or another new series of the previous book.

Jaejoon slowly steps closer approaching her. Greeting her is what he has in mind. Nevertheless, hesitation is what he has got in heart. Until he finally opens up his mouth,

“A Grimm Warning is quite cliffhanger.” Jaejoon has never read it, how dare he made a statement like that. The girl looks up to Jaejoon, facing him quietly,”I haven’t read it yet, but thank you.”

“For?”

“Spoiler.”

Jaejoon doesn’t consider that as a spoiler but this girl does. And Jaejoon doesn’t have no idea what to do now.

~~~

“See?”

“See what?”

“It works.”

“It haven’t worked yet, you shut up!” Jaejoon yells. His reflection raises his right eyebrow,”Her smile gave you a sign. She had let you in her circle. She gave you chance -”

“Can we please just change the topic?” Jaejoon rises from his seat and takes his iPod from his bed. After getting back to his seat, his reflection starts to speak again. He starts blabbering, mumbling, whistling, humming, until suddenly he stops,”Hey Jaejoon!”

“What Jaejoon?”

“Have you checked that post from Jeonguk? The one on his mini homepage?”

“I have checked that yesterday -”

“Join in!”

“I don’t want to -”

“You should!”

“Who in the world are you!? Forcing me to do everything!?”

“I am you, I live inside you. I know you better than you do because I know the purest thing in your mind and your heart. You always attempt to cover it due to some forces from outside. But me, I won’t cover it, since I’m the one who is living inside you.”

~~~

It has been a year since the first time Jaejoon met another Jaejoon. And it also has been a year for Jaejoon to keep listening to his reflection’s guide,”Don’t be thankful to what I’m saying. Because what I say is what your heart says, what you really want to do.”

“I don’t understand.”

“You often ignore what is really inside you. And that is bad, Jaejoon. You can explode anytime. Boom! Like an atomic bomb!” Jaejoon only forms a smirk after listening to his reflection.

Jaejoon’s phone rings all of a sudden making the entire room is filled by the melody of chorus part of a pop rock song by Iconize. He grabs his phone as fast as possible and reads the name on the screen,

“Your girl, huh?” his reflection states,

“Shut up.” Jaejoon answers his call,”Hello?… Oh, today at 4?… Okay, gotta be there in 15 minutes.”

“Dating? Boring date, again?”

“It’s not.”

“It is! Come on! Just try it once!”

“No thanks.”

~~~

A tall figure in gray polo T-shirt is sitting on a red couch in the living room watching a programme which is talking about growth of economy. He inhales out of bored then turns the TV off,”Jaejoon, going somewhere?”

“Yes, Father.” Jaejoon was confused at first how could his father know that he is about to go. He walks behind him quietly. This is what he hates about term’s break. He must get back to his house and not his apartment. He can’t go anywhere freely. And finally a laughter makes him realise his mistake. A laughter from his reflection on TV,”Shut up!” he mouths,

“Jaejoon, answer me, where are you going to?”

“Friend, umm… I mean… a friend needs my help for his computer. I think he never cleans up nor scans his computer.” he fake a smile, avoiding his father’s deathly gaze. His father finally toggles his attention from Jaejoon to his phone,”Back before 7, I have something to talk about.”

“Then, just tell me right now. My friend can wait for a bit. It’s alright.” Jaejoon takes a seat next to his father. Still with a fake smile, he pushes his father to talk.

Total silence in a few minutes. Both of them are just staring at each other. Jaejoon with his fake smile and his father who has those sharp yet intimidating gaze,”You are going to graduate this year. Prepare for the best. You must have set your future, right? But haven’t told me yet. What is it? Medic? Law? Business? Public or International relation? IT?”

My interest is in performing arts,”I’m still thinking about it, honestly.”

“You have to decide as soon as possible! You’re still thinking? All these years, you are studying for what?” his father starts talking in high intonation. Jaejoon doesn’t seem surprised. He acts as if nothing happens. He raises from his seat,”Sorry, father, I think my friend’s computer can’t wait too long for help.” Jaejoon does a low bow and brings his steps out from his house.

~~~

Ten minutes late. And rain is about to pour down. Jaejoon has no choice other than running in hurry until he finally arrives at the front of his girl’s apartment door,”You usually come earlier. Trapped in the rain?”

“Almost.” he answers as he sits on the couch,

“Anything bothers you, recently? You seem terrible.” Jaejoon responds with a simple nod. His girl seems worrying a lot. She doesn’t expect a simple nod. She expects an explanation, but she shall not bother Jaejoon’s privacy.

Jaejoon finally speaks,”What do you think? Keep listening to what people say or follow your heart?”

“Of course not the first one. You are going to be a robot if you choose the first one.”

~~~

What should I do?

“Did you listen carefully to what your girl said?”

“Yes.”

“She is totally right! Woman is always right.” his reflection walks closer to the mirror and knocks on it,”Do what you enjoy, not what people enjoy.”

“Will you be responsible? If I keep going to performing arts, my father will definitely kill me!” Jaejoon also walks closer to the mirror. He faces his own reflection as he keeps looking to his eyes. His reflection states,”Well, then, kill him first.”

“What!?”

“Before he kills you, kill him first!”

“You insane!”

“So you are.” Jaejoon’s reflection seems casually talking and it gets on Jaejoon’s nerve. His reflection gives a smirk,”It seems like you forgot something, Mr. Lee Jaejoon. I am you. What I think is the actual thing you have in mind. The purest and most honest. If I told you to kill your father, it means that you have always been thinking to kill your father -”

“Shut up you nuts!”

“You want to get out. You just can not take it anymore to be your father living robot, is that true?”

“No. No, that is incorrect -”

“It is correct. You hate it to be a programmed machine with a tiny chip in your head and you need to kill your master to be free.”

“Get the hell out of here!” a voice of shattered glass echoes all over the room. Jaejoon’s scream is heard even all the entire house. Everyone in the house is panic as they force to open Jaejoon’s room door and see the mess in his room. Jaejoon yells and swears to every pieces of shattered mirror on the floor without even care that people are watching him in shock, disbelief, and have no idea.

~~~

He hates it. He hates it that no one believes him. No one can see his reflection keeps tormenting him. All they say is only,”There is nothing in the mirror, Jaejoon. It is justyour reflection.”

They tell him to raise his right hand,”See, it is following you, as any usual reflection.”

“It is unusual.” Jaejoon hates it that no one can see how his reflection gives him a smirk and not following his movement. He totally hates it.

No matter how hard he has tried to convince everyone, nevertheless they only keep giving him pills, therapy and those all are useless. Jaejoon totally doesn’t understand why they do this. And he doesn’t like it when people keep putting him in a room with a mirror or sometimes many mirrors. No matter how many times he has explained that he hates seeing his own reflection keeps mouthing “I am you” with a confusing smile.

~~~