“Have you ever thought about it? What will happen after a person dies?”

Jongin can feel his heart sinking by the time his lover’s soft voice echoes in his ears. He grips firmly on the wheelchair that he is carefully pushing along the riverside. Luhan sits at ease with a thick blanket covering his lower body. He looks back at Jongin when the latter did not answer. “Jongin?”

“Don’t say that…” Those words come with a wounding sensation on his chest. Jongin struggles to maintain his sanity by swallowing deliberately and avoiding Luhan’s tired eyes. “No one is going to die…No…”

They are taking an afternoon stroll as usual. It’s a good way for Luhan to breathe fresher air and forget about the excruciating pain he feels after every chemotherapy session. Jongin accompanies him every day, not wanting to leave his side even just for a bit.

Luhan recoils quietly and decides to enjoy the scenery. “Let’s stay there,” he mutters while pointing at the empty bench. Jongin sits on the edge, near Luhan’s wheelchair, making sure that the distance between them doesn’t further. He helps Luhan take a sip from his water container and gently pats the latter’s chapped lips with a towel. To ensure Luhan is not cold, he pulls up the cover up to his shoulders. Luhan lets out a soft giggle, “Jongin, I’m fine. I’m not cold. I look like a burrito in this.” He carefully rolls down the blanket while observing the passers-by. Couples are having a date and talking leisurely on the riverbank. Children are running everywhere; playing and having a fun time with their relatives and family members. While Luhan gazes around, Jongin is also watching him warmly. His eyes are fixed on Luhan’s peaceful expression, despite the pain he endures. Scenes from when they were in the hospital flash across his mind. Luhan’s wailing and ear piercing cries for help shoots an arrow in his heart. He can only imagine how his lover suffers from the agony of dealing with cancer. The ruthless illness already took away Luhan’s youthful glow; his eyes almost soulless and skin dry. Nevertheless, the latter remains encouraging. He looks at life with a brighter perspective though he doesn’t forget about the reality of his situation. That’s what he has been trying to tell Jongin. With his subtle questions, he is trying to open up the topic about his fleeting time. But the latter plainly avoids it, revealing his dreading face every time Luhan talks about anything related to time or death.  He feels guilty for Jongin’s fear and it hurts him, too, consequently.

But whether they like it or not, it will come.

Death is inevitable.

“Luhan, do you want to go back to the hospital now? It’s getting dark,” asks Jongin wearily. He crouches in front of Luhan and fixes the blanket on his lap. With his gentle touch, he clears the fallen leaves on Luhan’s shoulders.

“I don’t want to go there. Bring me back home, Jongin. Let’s go home…”

~ Jongin embraces Luhan tightly on the bed while the latter struggles to overcome the pain that has been smothering his body. The former whispers words of assurance, trying to appease Luhan as much as possible. Battling with his fear and helplessness, Jongin shuts his eyes and prays hard; hoping that someone can take away the agony Luhan is enduring for the longest time. How he wishes he can be the one to save him. If only he could take away the pain. He stays there, cursing mentally; blaming almost everyone, every god for their cruel fate.

Time is ruthless, he thought.

Fate is merciless.

After the long hours of agony, Luhan finally calms down. Jongin wipes away the traces of tears on the latter’s cheek while hiding his own. He gently lifts his chin and kisses his chapped lips. Luhan moves his head away and murmurs, “You will hurt your lips.” Jongin shakes his head at once and advances. With utmost care, he presses his lips back on Luhan. He pulls the latter closer until he can feel his feeble body against him.

“I love you, Luhan.”

Jongin rains soft kisses all over Luhan’s face while muttering words of love. His embrace expresses protection and genuine care. Luhan smiles weakly and mumbles with trembling lips, “Thank you.” He wraps his frail arms across Jongin’s shoulders and buries his head on the latter’s chest. “I love you, Jongin…so much… …so so much……I wish we can stay like this forever…”

I hope… I pray…

~Everything is still for Jongin; the trees, the birds, the people… His world stopped, for how long he doesn’t know; he doesn’t care anymore. He sits on the bench near the river with puffy eyes and half a heart.

Alone.

Shattered.

Hopeless.

[Flashback]

“I’m sorry.... he's gone..”

Luhan’s mother falls on her knees and sobs. His younger sister cries along with her. Jongin stands on the bed side of the hospital room, baffled and lost in words. He watches with misty eyes as the hospital employee slowly casted a cover on Luhan’s face.

He has been lost in sadness after Luhan’s passing; staying awake at night and embracing the latter’s favorite sweatshirt to get a feel  of him. The traces of his scent is a temporary relief. He lies on the bed with Luhan’s thoughts drowning his senses. Everything about him; from the way he smiles, he rolls his eyes in annoyance, his gentle kisses, his I love you’s….

To deal with his loneliness, he would watch old videos of him and Luhan when they were in the university. Happy times. Memorable moments. The recordings play on every night until his mother turns it off in the morning. She would convince him to get a hold of himself, encouraging him to continue living like what Luhan wants him to do. But Jongin would just curl up in a ball and shut the world so he can relive Luhan’s memories in his mind.

~

“Jongin? Where you going?” asks his mother while trailing behind him. She is surprised to see her son in a better state than yesterday. Though she feels glad, she cannot help but wonder why Jongin changes all of a sudden. The latter heads towards the door and replies, “I’m going to back to work.” He turns to her with a smile before he closes the door.

Jongin journeys to the bridge where he and Luhan first met many years ago. He walks along while reminiscing the fateful encounter. When he reaches the end, he stops and breathes out deeply.

“I miss you so much, my love…”

He takes a couple of steps backward…

slowly…

and slowly…

… before he dashes towards the railings to jump off. Before he leaps, a flock of doves ascends before his eyes, distracting him. Consequently, they successfully prevented him from going farther and killing himself. "Promise me, Jongin. You will not waver. Live for me." Like a heart-wrenching deja vu, Jongin’s eyes widen with tears as he gazes at them; remembering the event that took place many years ago. 

“What’s the matter? Do you need help?” Jongin steps away from his bicycle and approaches a boy on the side of the bridge, carrying a bird’s cage and calling out for someone (or something).

Luhan turns to him and smiles shyly while pointing at the dove hovering above them, “It flew away.”

fin~