It is still bearable. Still bearable... That was what he kept telling himself. It is still bearable. But, the number of days and nights he spent chanting those words in his head became useless when his eyes locked with a pair of dark orbs. A pair of usually sharp eyes, as sharp as a hawk but now was looking so soft and gentle as they peered back into his own wide brown eyes in concern. And... It became unbearable. Everything crashed down on him. Unbearable... He couldn't bear it anymore.

 

●●●●●

 

When he felt the figure in his arms trembled violently, he only tightened his hold. The one in his hold was crying, wailing even, and he still had no clue on what had happened that the one in his arms was looking so frail, so sad, and... So broken.

They just met in the lobby at their company building. He came here for a meeting when he caught the sight of the boy walking slowly, dragging his feet, shoulders slumping and dark clouds shading his features. His used to be wide bright eyes looked empty and weary. And he knew right then and there that something was wrong.

"Mirreu..." He called softly by the boy's ear. "Tell me. Who made you cry?" GO asked after Mir had calmed down. He was about to pull away when he felt those arms tightened around his waist.

Mir buried his tear-stained face further into GO's shoulder. "Everything." He mumbled against GO's shoulder. His voice was raspy and barely above whisper. He didn't intend to explain further because he couldn't. He didn't know how to explain. It was the monster of his mind. The monster of his own mind. And he was just... Tired.

 

●●●●●

 

Mir would always be tagged as hyperactive and bubbly boy. His sunny smile would always manage to lit up the whole room. No one could escape those bright smile. It was always so contagious. However, these days, those brilliant light in Mir's eyes and smile had faded. His used to be sweet smile was now forced and bitter. The boy himself was bitter.

"I'm worried about him." Those words from GO that had put Seungho where he was right now, standing in the middle of Mir's dark room. 

He had noticed Mir's attitude these days. The boy always spaced out and there was sadness lurking in those wide orbs. He had thought this might be just a phase. They all had those phases where they just became tired and needed a space for themselves and later, they would be back to usual. But, this time... Mir looked different. He felt distant.

Seungho shuffled closer to Mir's bed. He saw the lump under the thin blanket. It was Mir. Quietly, he sat at the edge of the maknae's bed and slowly, he put his hand above what he thought as Mir's arm.

"Mir." He called quietly so as not to disturb the silence in this room. "You haven't eaten today." No answer. Seungho knew Mir too well. The maknae wasn't sleeping.

He called the maknae's name once again. Still no response. He sighed. And then he heard that. The faint short sobs. Knowing Mir was crying, but clueless on the reason that had made the boy so sad, he didn't know how to help.

Slowly, Seungho crawled further onto the bed. He lied himself beside the lump. As he tugged on the blanket to uncover the maknae, he felt how the maknae resist. Giving up, he just shifted closer to the boy and wrapped his arms around the boy.

"It's okay. You can cry. I won't ask." That must be the last straw as he felt Mir trembled in his hold violently. He felt his heart clenched. What had turned his dongsaeng into this miserable broken soul? All he could do for now was to be there for Mir.

 

●●●●●

 

People... He hated people... He hated noise. All he wanted was silence.A place where there were no one else. Just him. Just himself. But, there was no such place. Not when he was the centre of attention. Not when his career is as an idol. 

Fame? He used to love it. Attention? He used to crave for it. But now, he longed for solitude. He longed for the time when he was just a mere boy that could walk along a busy road without being recognized by strangers.

Why was he like this? How had he became so bitter? This mind of him kept telling him to run. Run away as far as he could. Leave all of those he used to cherish behind. But, can he? Can he just run. He wanted to. But, can he really do that?

He blinked when he felt warmth on both of his cheeks as a pair of hands gently cupped his face. He looked up and his eyes met with those sharp eyes that he noticed always softened when they met with his.

"Pack your things." 

Oh... Another schedule?

"We will have two weeks break."

Break? Then, can he just go home?

"GO has bought us three plane tickets."

Plane tickets...?

"Now, go. Pack your things."

 

●●●●●

 

Seungho and GO had taken initiative to themselves to fix whatever it was that had Mir looked so exhausted. And they came to this conclusion. A break. A peaceful holiday. But, they won't let Mir alone. They wanted to be there for Mir. For their maknae. And here they were.On a secluded villa in Jeju Island.

The view was enchanting. The villa they rent for the whole two weeks was located near the see. The could smell the salty scent of sea from the breeze that was sometimes strong, sometimes soft. There were small garden of yellow cauliflowers around the villa.

Seungho looked up from his unpacking when he felt something hard landed on his shoulder. He picked up the cut carrot and shot a look with rose brow at GO whom had threw the food at him.

GO jutted his lips, gesturing Seungho to look outside through the huge sliding glass door. Seungho turned and saw Mir was standing with his back on them. The boy's bleached hair billowed by the strong wind. He just stood there. Not doing anything.

"Go and take a look." GO ordered.

Seungho contemplated. "Maybe we should leave him to his thought for a while." 

GO exhaled. Seungho was right. "He's in slump."

"I know."

"It feels like only his shell is here. It feels like his soul has left far away from us."

Seungho looked back at GO. "Then, it's up to us to fill back that empty shell of his."

"It's just a phase, right?" GO asked for a confirmation.

"It is." Seungho easily confirmed.

 

●●●●●

 

Mir looked up to the clear blue sky. The white fluffy cloud seemed moving in his eyes. The flowers around the spot he was standing on blowing through the breeze. 

Wouldn't it be lovely to be like a flower bud. Stayed in place and when the wind was blowing too hard and couldn't be handled anymore, just gave in and let the wind took you to a new place. To a new start.

Slowly, Mir sat down on the ground and carefully, he lied on his back. His eyes narrowed at the shining bright light of the sun. He wondered if the sun ever felt lonely. It was blaring hot. Nothing can came close to it without being burnt. Nothing. "Are you lonely?" Mir asked in a small voice. Of course he didn't expect for an answer.

He wondered again. Which one was worse. Being lonely by yourself with no one else around or still feeling lonely even with lots of people around. That void. Why was it forming in his heart? He hated this foreign feeling but he felt like he could never escaped.

Mir closed his eyes. His hands cupped his chest. Even the beating of his heart sounded alone. Soon, he could felt shadow looming over his face. When he opened his eyes, he saw GO standing over his head,smiling down on him.

"Let's have lunch."

 

●●●●●

 

They gave him space. They gave him silence that he dreaded for. But in all those spaces and silence, they never leave. Whenever Mir needed them, he just needed to turn back and they would be there, waiting with those soft eyes, gentle smile and warmth that radiate from their own being.

"I rent a car." GO said one evening when Mir was spacing out on the swing near the house, watching as the waves hit the rocks in harsh force. If only he was like those rocks. Stood still even with strong force trying to hit him down. Maybe he couldn't if he was alone. Mir turned towards GO and Seungho who was chatting about the car.

"That sound interesting." Seungho said, stealing a glance at the maknae from his spot on the bench. The leader stood up and slowly approached the quiet maknae with that gentle smile. "Want to go for a ride?"

Mir looked at Seungho and then his eyes drifted to GO who was standing close behind Seungho. His eyes then traveled to the sky. "It's going to rain." He whispered.

Both Seungho and GO reflected Mir's action and tilted their head upwards. "Seems clear to me." GO dismissed.

"It's going to rain." Mir repeated. "I... Like rain."

 

●●●●●

 

And just like Mir had said, it was drizzling. The rain wasn't heavy. GO had rent and open-roof car. But, when he was about to push on the roof button, Mir's voice from the back seat stopped him.

"I like rain." 

Seungho and GO exchanged look from their seat at the front. Using the rearview mirror, GO saw Mir folding his hand over the car door, his chin on his folded hands as those wide hooded eyes staring by the roadside.

GO turned to Seungho who nodded silently and GO pulled away his hand from the button and kept driving through the drizzles.

He likes rain...

 

●●●●●

 

Mir sneezed as he lied on the couch. He caught a flu but a smile plastered on his lips.

"Still like the rain?" Came Seungho with a glass of water and two white small pills in his hands.

Mir sat up, leaning his back on the couch. His blanket slid down to his laps. "I like rain."

Seungho chuckled and handed the pills to Mir and the water. "You're unbelievable." He commented as he took back the empty glass from Mir.

"Rain is so cold." Mir said. "But isn't dry."

"What do you expect? Rain is water."

Mir just shrugged. "It made people like me sick but it gives life to plants."

"I... Guess...?" 

Mir giggled. "I like you." The boy said and leaned on Seungho, resting his head gingerly against the older's chest.

Seungho smiled and Mir's silky locks adoringly. Mir was back. Mir was back to himself. "Guess it only takes a flu to get you out of your slump."

Mir nodded and yawned as he leaned closer against Seungho who instinctively pulled up the blanket, covering Mir and proceeded to wrap his arms around the younger, sharing his warmth.

"You're so warm." Mir mumbled sleepily. "Thank you, hyung."

"For what?" When his question met with silence, he peered down. Mir was asleep in his arms.

"He's back." Seungho looked up and saw GO standing near the couch, looking affectionately at the sleeping maknae. "He's no longer an empty shell."

Seungho nodded. "But, there might be times like this again in the future."

"I know." GO stated and sat himself next to the maknae. "We'll be here for him just like he is always there for us when we are just... tired."

This phase was normal for them. Sometimes, the life was just out of them. And they were left with only empty shells. And that was when they needed someone to fill the void again. So the shell won't eventually degraded into ashes. They will always be there for one another. Because that was how they kept surviving this harsh world.

 

 

-warned you guys already. Don't bash. Peace~-