Spoiler Alert?

The DJ Kyu Love Story

Story Title (3/5): 

The title doesn't attract me in any ways. Although the DJ part sounds fun (because I liked DJs literally), but I wouldn't click it even if I randomly stumble upon it in the latest updated fan fictions. To be honest, I find the title boring and if I didn't see your tags or characters, I would have thought it was Kyuhyun from Super Junior but no lol (me and my crazy mind). Anyway, the title is still nice and simple. I bet some people prefer title like yours, simple and sweet and they should be wondering: what is DJ Kyu's Love Story? So yeah, it's not bad at all unless there's a better title than a person's name plus the words love story which sounds too overused for me.

 Layout/Graphics (4/5):

Pretty good! I like the poster and well yeah, everything else seem fine. 

I don't like how you say it's an angsty story by (insert username) though. Okay, I know your story might get really angsty later, but you didn't really have to point that out. A story by (username) sounds more proper than the other, in my own perception that is.

Description and Foreword (5/10):

Your description: Kim Sunggyu is blind, but he has a big heart. Oh Seuhee, a normal woman, has a normal life meet Sunggyu one night in bus. Seuhee attracted to Sunggyu at the first. Later she didn't know, she developed love towards him despite he is blind. Sunggyu admits, he also falling for her and hoping to be her soulmate. However, Kim Sunggyu has a big secret that Seuhee didn't know.
One day, his secret revealed and that time all the angsty parts are coming like bullets.

Honestly, this one gave me a headache. I know I'm not a writer myself but I like to read, and I know what I don't want to read and what makes me stop reading a certain story. I still read yours though, because why not. And also, I think you didn't have to reveal that Sunggyu's going to fall back to the girl too. There's no thrill anymore! Lol that's just for me though.

So I have a suggestion to make your description a little bit 'normal' (I'm not a beta-reader or a writer, but I just can't bear looking at that without getting a headache).

Here: Kim Sunggyu is a blind man with a big heart. Oh Seuhee is an ordinary woman living a normal life. These two different people will meet inside the bus and Seuhee will find herself attracted to the blind man. However, Sunggyu has a big secret and once he reveals it... angst begins.

 (I have no idea if angst is the right word to put up there though; but there should be other words more fitting than angst)

Okay, did that make sense? I know I in writing but I kind of find this one easier to read. I'm not telling you to change yours though. Maybe you can just reread yours then rewrite it in your own style. Make it look a little more organized or easier to understand.

As for your foreword, you didn't reveal anything else so there's really nothing to say here.

Story Plot (8/10): 

OH, I like it! Yes seriously. It's sweet and I can only imagine it as a first love kind of story (but it's not but the feels your story is giving me is like that and it's actually good). I like the idea that Sunggyu is blind and Seuhee was love at first sight with him in the bus. Sweet because the setting for the first meeting is in the bus! It's like bringing back high school life. Lol.

The DJ part is a plus. I'm hoping that I'm not alone if I say this is quite relatable? I like DJs actually. You don't see them but most of them (if not most then at least one certain DJ) always have that angelic voice that gives you the chills and makes you smile from ear to ear. And you just want to listen to them all the time (or on certain days), or send them calls or text messages just so you could hear them talk or even say your name (I did that). However, Seuhee was just the quiet type who listened to him and admired him from a very very long distance. I did hoped she messaged him though, or called but I understand that Seuhee isn't that kind of person (lol my bad). Good thing Seuhee isn't that showy though. If she was, then that would make the whole story have a different feel.

The way they met was pleasing enough, but their development from friends to lovers is not very satisfying to me. Seuhee's confession was really cute but maybe with Sunggyu's confession, I might have expected too much. This is why I tell myself do not expect too much.

Anyways, nice plot. In spite of the fact that it made me sleepy while reading some parts that were 'difficult', the plot is still good as it was pleasant. Well, I haven't read anything about a blind DJ so maybe that's why.

Character Development (9/15):

I'm not so sure if I like their characters or not. Maybe I only like Woohyun in here (I'm such a meanie). Woohyun doesn't have a big role, I know that but I like his character anyway. He helps Sunggyu a lot, he saves him and he's nice enough to give Seuhee a ride BECAUSE HE CAN.

Sad thing is, Sunggyu is insecure and he is insecure because HE CAN'T DO THAT. He can't be Seuhee's savior, and he doesn't have a car, he's blind, he can't do anything better than be DJ Kyu to be the best boyfriend for Seuhee. I am not blaming his character! But he could have been a better boyfriend if he didn't tell everyone that his memorable kiss was with his ex girlfriend while he is currently dating someone. So I can't like him for that. Instead, I pity his character for now.

 Honestly, the last chapter annoyed me (which is why I prefer completed stories). I do know that his character will soon develop though (hopefully), maybe he can still be the best boyfriend in his own way? Maybe he doesn't have to have a car or to be able to see so he could be the best boyfriend? But he just doesn't know how yet because well, you're still in chapter 6. I understand why he's like that though. He's blind and then he gets a girlfriend but then stuff happens and then boom! Realization hit him hard. He's worrying he's not good enough. Hopefully, you'd request again from me once you add more chapters and let's see if your characters developed or got worse in the process. Especially this Sunggyu. I'm still wondering how he got blind though. Was it at birth or was it after his first love broke his heart? Well, someday, I should check out your fanfic to see how you worked with the angst tag in your story!

The last character would be Seuhee. She's a fine character, and she's just super-duper unbelievable but adorable! Unbelievable because she confessed to a blind man. She fell in love with a blind man in just a month. Adorable because she is so in love with the blind man. She also stayed the same throughout the chapters.

This is just my own perspective about your characters in your story, and I know other people loves your characters.

And then well, how you developed them as lovers...was a little bit too fast. You said in your author's note that it was slow, but no.

Flow (9/15):

Flow from the beginning was doing really well. It was refreshing. When it's not very fast paced, it gives the reader a refreshing feeling of sweetness in the story (I'm that reader lol). But then after reading the second chapter... it went too fast and I wasn't even prepared yet!

I think it was somewhere in chapter two that they just started talking and Seuhee asked him to walk around somewhere and then bam! The next chapter it's already a month after and she's already in love with him. Unbelievable. No details? Nothing at all? You should have made them walk or stroll in the park the first time they hang out or something. Or just when did Seuhee start going crazy about this blind guy? When did they start texting each other? You didn't say much about that in your story, so it made me as a reader think that Seuhee fell in love so hard and yet so fast (although it's been a month but ya).

Grammar/Spelling/Etc (14/30);

Well, I did say in the description and foreword thingy that your description gave me a headache right? This one too. But not that much, I guess. You have grammar/spelling errors or missing punctuations, missing words and even repetitive words around there somewhere, but you can fix them by just proofreading or something.

You could even go look for a beta-reader if you want or simply learn on your own. Learning on your own is a lot more fun, right? There's a lot of stories on aff and by just reading the best ones with the best English out there, you'll actually learn (as long as you read every single word and carry a dictionary with you in case you don't understand a certain word lol). If you don't like reading, then maybe writing isn't good for you. But I know you love to read too! Who doesn't read if they write anyway? Most people started as a reader before they started writing. So you'll get the hang of it! There's Grammar Tipsy! You can learn from there or through google. Or just be a good writer and proofread your story. (:

Anyways, some mistakes are here:

Kyu is a DJ of one of the famous radio station in South Korea. He is handling slot of 'Love Story' every Wednesday and Thursday night. However, DJ Kyu isnt same as other DJ; his identity is a secret. Public didn’t know who is DJ Kyu is. How does he looks, how old is he.

'Love Story' is one of the most famous radio station in South Korea. One of the DJs there is Kyu. He handles the radio station every Wednesday and Thursday night. DJ Kyu isn't the same with the others though; his identity is a secret. The public do not know anything about him. How old is he? How does he look?

Every Wednesday and Thursday night, his romantic voice, accompany the listeners. Sometimes, he even sings songs for them. Because of this, he is kinda famous among the woman but unfortunately, no one knows the owner of that voice.

Every Wednesday and Thursday night, his romantic voice would accompany the listeners. Sometimes he sings a song for them. Because of this, he became famous to most women.

Unfortunately, no one knows the owner of the voice.

I guess that's it (I guess). They do know he is DJ Kyu though, so I'm not sure if I'm even helping you fix that part right there.

Seuhee, a women aged 26 years old; one of the fans of DJ Kyu's voice. Despite of returning late from her work, she never missed DJ Kyu's slot. (Women is plural, AND Seuhee isn't a plural. She's singular.)

Seuhee is a 26-years old woman. She's one of DJ Kyu's fans. Despite going home late from work, she never missed DJ Kyu's slot.

His voice soothing her after a hectic day she faced.

His voice was soothing her even after a hectic day from work. 

When she listened to him, its bring Seuhee a peace.

Every time she listens to him, it always brought peace in her mind.

Woohyun apologized when he saw Seuhee on the bed watched Sunggyu.

Woohyun apologized when he saw Seuhee watching Sunggyu on the bed.

she said mouthed to Woohyun.

You already said "said" and then "mouthed" again. That's two almost the same thing. So maybe you should write it this way:

She said to Woohyun or she mouthed.

Okay, there's more but I'm stopping here. I'm just trying to help you (a little) by showing some of what I found wrong. There are times that you mistake a plural for a singular or the other way around. Sometimes the tenses are just...not right.

I am not very satisfied with the grammar. I got tired reading it after a while. I almost gave up. Lucky me, you didn't have a lot of chapters. I'm not trying to be mean. I'm trying to convince you to read more fanfics with good English if you want to be like them authors, or to check out some tutorials on aff or google.

Enjoyment (5/10):

I honestly like Sunggyu in real life, and he's one of my 50 biases LEWL. However, I don't want to be biased when reviewing a story. I enjoyed the DJ part because I was once admiring a DJ back when I was in high school. But then, I think your story still lack the potential. Perhaps in the future it will get better! I'm pretty much curious how you would develop Sunggyu's character now that he's a little bit insecure and depressed over being blind and helpless. (: Good luck on your story! And thank you for requesting here! Don't give up on it, please do update because your readers are waiting!

Don't forget to give credits and leave a comment:)

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