I actually don't know if this stuff I wrote is correct. It's a difficult and complicated subject but I hope I could convey everything correctly. If I wrote something wrong please tell me. I will try to correct it.

                A sigh escaped Taekwoon's lips when he noticed that he forgot his mobile phone on his nightstand. Normally he wouldn't care, what was a day without his phone? (Although, on second thought, he would go crazy if he couldn't escape the constant blabbering of his band mates by listening to his music.) But this time he needed it for the show he had to go to with Wonsik and Hongbin. He was glad that he was sitting in the front this time because they chose a small car with only the three of them and their manager. He turned to the manager and told him over the commotion in the back that they had to turn around.

                Five minutes later he exited the elevator on their floor, just to see a young woman hurriedly leaving towards the stairs. From the direction of their front door. The only door in that direction.

                With furrowed eyebrows he walked over to their front door, but couldn't find anything suspicious. He was pretty sure that no one of them had a girlfriend and either way, only Hakyeon was at home because Sanghyuk and Jaehwan had another schedule for that day. Still a little bit confused he opened the door, but didn't bother to call for Hakyeon. He just needed to pick up his mobile phone and the older one was hopefully still sleeping. When he saw him the night before he was so tired, he looked like he would fall over any second. Thus he was glad their leader didn't have any work scheduled that day.

                Lightly grumbling under his breath Taekwoon exited the taxi, which had brought him a few streets away from their dorm. Although he knew that fans could recognize him he preferred to walk the short distance, than to tell anyone their address. Who knew, maybe one of their taxi drivers had a daughter or a niece or something who was their fan? It happened before with their last dorm and since then their manager told them every few weeks to be careful who they tell their address. Thus, the precaution. Although he didn't understand why their manager thought it would be safer to walk home because anyone could follow them there. Well, whatever.

                Nonetheless, he wouldn't need to take a taxi anyways if one dumb rapper in his group wouldn't have forgotten the change in his schedule and would have left with Sanghyuk - to the same destination. Instead he convinced their manager to drive him to the studio he had to be at and to send Taekwoon home by taxi. Not that he cared particularly about the incident. The antics and forgetfulness of his group mates were just tiring.

                He pulled his jacket tightly shut around his lean upper body, it was pretty windy that night. Just when he walked around the corner he noticed a familiar girl leaving their dorm. He had to think for a few short moments until he recognized her as the girl he had seen a few months prior probably walking out of their dorm. His eyebrows furrowed when he watched her hail a cab and leave. He couldn't shake the feeling that she was familiar in a completely different kind of way. He just couldn't pinpoint why exactly.

                The next time he met the girl it was in a place totally unexpected.

                Taekwoon was sitting in his room, writing on a new song. The melody had hit him just the day before and now he was trying to figure out the lyrics, though there was something that didn't quiet fit. Grumbling, he stood up and went for the kitchen to get himself something to drink. He knew he wouldn't take long because everyone else was gone, enjoying one of their rare free days. Just when he was about to go back into his room to continue working on his song the door to Hakyeon's room opened. The younger one was about to ignore his leader until he noticed who exactly stood in the doorway, wide-eyed. Taekwoon's mouth opened slightly as he stared at the person standing in front of him. Widely opened eyes were framed by long brown hair and pink tulle was rustling softly.

                "Hakyeon?", asked Taekwoon with confusion in his voice.

                A second later the door to the older one's room fell shut and Taekwoon didn't see or hear anything from Hakyeon for the rest of the day.

                An exasperated sigh left Taekwoon's lips as he watched Hakyeon laugh with Hongbin. He had tried to talk to the older one more than ten times already. It was new for him to try to talk to Hakyeon, normally it was the other way around. And then there was the thing with the cross dressing he had witnessed. Thus, he didn't really know how to approach him. His gaze still lingered on him when suddenly Wonsik cleared his throat right next to him.

                "Are you trying to undress Hackyeon with your eyes?"

                Taekwoon's eyes shot over to the younger one who cringed at the piercing look.

                "S-sorry. You were just staring so intently at him."

                Taekwoon's gaze wandered over to the other again who was now joking around with Hyuk.

                "I ...offended him and now he doesn't talk to me anymore.", he mumbled.

                Wonsik hummed understandingly. After a few seconds of silence he said:

                "Wait until after the showcase and try to talk to him again. He can't ignore you for too long."

                Taekwoon hoped Wonshik was right.

                "Hackyeon, can we please talk?"

                The older one looked up from where he had been looking at his phone. They were home again and all of them were either in their room already, or on their way to their room. He knew he couldn't avoid the talk forever. Sighing he nodded, motioned with a jerk of his head for the other to follow him into his room. He closed the door behind them and let himself fall on his bed. Taekwoon stood awkwardly, sat down on Hackyeon's desk chair after a few moments.

                "Why do you want to talk about this?", the older one's weak voice sounded from the bed.

                "I'm a freak who likes to wear women's clothes, you saw me."

                Taekwoon flinched almost unnoticeably at the harsh words, shook his head slightly.

                "Don't speak like that. You are not a freak."

                Hackyeon sat up abruptly, look teary eyed at the younger.

                "What am I then? I'm a freak! Sometimes I feel so normal and on other days I want to scream at everyone for treating me like a boy, for calling me a boy!", he sobbed, hid his face in his hands.

                Taekwoon just looked on for a moment, didn't know what to do. Then he stood up and sat next to the quivering body on the bed, pulled him into an embrace tentatively. Without saying anything he just held the trembling and sobbing young man in his arms, waited for him to calm down enough not to cry his eyes out anymore. Well, what else could he do? Nothing, really.

                After a few moments the sobbing stopped and the older sat up again.

                "Sorry...", he mumbled.

                A small smile graced Taekwoon's lips and he patted his head.

                "It's okay. I... I just want to understand you. At least I want to try."

                Hackyeon looked at his friend for a few seconds until he finally smiled.

                "Okay. I just hope you won't think I'm a total freak afterwards."

                They hadn't talked about this that evening. Hackyeon had been even more tired after his breakdown and Taekwoon had him left alone to sleep. But the older one had promised that he wouldn't ignore his friend anymore and that they would talk about this as soon as they had a few calm minutes for themselves.

                After almost two weeks they found themselves alone in the dorm again. This time though, Hackyeon was the one who approached Taekwoon, who was sitting in his room again, working on another song. He looked up when Hackyeon knocked on his open door.

                "Taekwoonie? The others are gone. If you want to... We could talk now?"

                The approached one just looked at his friend for a few moments, then he put down his pen and turned around with his desk chair, made a motion with his hand that suggested for Hackyeon to sit down on his bed. A few seconds they just sat there, waiting for the other to say something, until Hackseon sighed heavilly and mumbled:

                "I don't know where to start. It's so difficult for me... You are the first person to find out, Taekwoonie..."

                Taekwoon hummed understandingly.

                "Just start with the begnning. When did you notice that you ... didn't feel like other boys?"

                Hackyeon smiled slightly. He appreciated that the younger one tried to word his questions in a way that wouldn't hurt Hackyeon.

                "It's funny, really. At first I just thought I was gay. Well, actually, I knew much earlier already that I wasn't like all the other boys. When I was around five, I think, I noticed that although other boys also played with dolls they were still boys. They didn't want to wear a cute, frilly dress every other day. They didn't want to have a princess birthday party one day and the other day suddenly spider man. Or a princess birthday party at all. No boy wanted to kiss a boy one day and thought to kiss boys was gross the other day.

                When I got older I learned about homouality and thought that was it, that was my problem. I was gay. As simple as that. I think my parents already suspected that. I started to research homouality but as much as I searched and searched,  nowhere stood that gay people wanted to be called a girl or boy, depending on the day or their mood. No gay person i ever met had this symptoms.

                That time was even more difficult for me because when I fell in love it dependet on who I was at that moment if I really liked the person or not. For example, there was a time where when I was a girl I liked this cute boy in arts-club, but when I was a boy I liked this cool guy from swim-team. It was really difficult. Especially when the guy from arts-club wanted to date me. I wanted to, but I was a boy for him and I only liked him as a girl. Every time he called me 'Hackyeon' or used male pronouns for me while I felt like a girl I wanted to cry and every time he wanted to kiss me or just hold my hand while I felt as a guy I wanted to push him away. It hurt so much that I had to break up with him. I have never been in a relationship since then...", he mumbled, stared at his hand which were tugging and twisting his shirt between their fingers.

                Taekwoon had listened intently and knew that Hackyeon wasn't finished yet, but he still had a question he wanted to ask:

                "Does that mean you can never be happy with somebody because a part of you will never like that person?"

                "No, no. It happened before that I liked the same person. But it hurts, you know. They only like me as a boy, a man. It's too difficult to understand that I feel like a girl sometimes.

                At one point I just wanted to find out what I am. I researched every kind of uality I could find. Did you know that the human species had more than fifteen different kinds of uality. Well, however, I finally found a definition, a word that explains what I am.

                I'm genderfluid. I change between feeling like a boy and like a girl .And although I try to be a boy most of the time, sometimes, when I'm alone at home I allow myself to be the girl I want to be at that moment."

                Silence spread between them after Hackyeon finished his explanation. Hackyeon was nervous. What if Taekwoon still was disgusted by him?

                "Do you feel like a girl or a boy right now?"

                Confused, he looked up.

                "A girl. Why?"

                Bewildered Hackyeon watched Taekwoon stand up and leave his room. At first he thought he ran away because he couldn't handle how disgusting the older one was but then he heard the door to his own room open and confusion replaced the sudden burst of sadness he had felt for a second. He followed Taekwoon into his own room and watched his groupmate rummage through his closet. Before he could ask what he was doing Taekwoon pulled out a sky-blue and white dress and walked over to the confused hackyeon.

                "A girl should wear dresses when she wants to.", he explained lowly.

                Hackyeon couldn't stop her tears of happiness when she threw herself into Taekwoon's arms.