“I brought you some flowers.  I couldn’t find a vase so I left it on the table,” I said, barely making eye contact.

“I noticed.  They’re beautiful.  Thank you,” she said as she offered a smile. 

Out of habit, I automatically searched for the slightest hint of disdain, but came up empty.  Was I the only one still angry?  Seeing her smile like that made me feel like a jerk and I hated it.

“So…how have you been?” she said softly.  With eyes averted, she continued to stare at her plate as she twirled a spaghetti noodle around her fork.

“I’ve been…..okay,” I said not knowing what else to say. 

Like two strangers, we sat there, eating in silence.  It was as if we knew that after the meal was over, we would go our separate ways, living our lives without each other in them.

Suddenly unnerved by the deafening silence, I blurted out, “You look nice.”

Before I could figure out why I said that, she slammed her fork down on the table causing glassware to rattle.

Surprised by her response, I looked up.  She definitely had my attention.

“After being apart for a month, all you can say to me is ‘you look nice?’” she repeated almost mockingly. 

“Well, I’m sorry if it wasn’t what you wanted to hear,” I said, quickly raising my voice as I stood up, wanting to distance myself from her.  All the resentment I harbored began to pour out. 

“Were you expecting an apology?  Okay, fine.  You were right and I was wrong so let’s forget the past and live the rest of our lives happy together in lala land,” I said as sarcastically as I could.   

In seconds, my pulse was racing.  My head began to spin, a clear sign I was pissed.  I tightened my fists, fighting the urge to punch something.

“How about you start by explaining why you walked out on me,” she said as she got up from the table.  “Without a word, you were gone.” 

Her voice cracked.  I could tell she was on the verge of tearing.

“I needed space.  Time to think,” I said as I turned away. 

 She scoffed in response.

“And you don’t think I felt the same way?  At least I didn’t run away crying like a scared little girl,” she seethed.

“You’re right, I deserve that.  I had no right to do what I did.  It was disrespectful to you and our marriage.  I see that now.” 

I looked down.  Feelings of anger were slowly being replaced by feelings of guilt.

She took a step closer. 

“Yuri…I know we’ve been through a lot recently.  With you having to travel for work, my adjustment to being a stay at home wife, and us….trying to get pregnant through in vitro.  I understand it’s been tough for you, but it hasn’t been easy for me either.”

She was right.  Tiffany gave up her career and a job she loved so that we could start a family.  It was selfish of me to think I was suffering alone.

“Tiffany, I…..”

I wanted to say more, so much more, but nothing came out.  At that moment, I realized there were no right words I could say.  I walked over to Tiffany and wrapped my arms around her, never wanting to let go.  Her scent, the warmth she radiated, I missed every part of her.

“Yuri….” Tiffany trailed off.  I could tell she was crying.  “I missed you,” she whispered.

Hearing her say those words hit me hard.  Knowing she was crying, I couldn’t hold back my own tears.

“I missed you too,” I said as I held her a little tighter.

“D-don’t worry..I w-won’t…fly away,” she managed to say in-between sobs.

“I just wanted to make sure you were real,” I said with a small laugh.  Thinking we were on our way to making up, I added, “you were on my mind so much, I once called a bar waitress ‘Tiffany’ the entire night until I found out it wasn’t her name.”

In an instant I felt Tiffany pull away.

“What did you just say?” she said with a look of betrayal.

I felt like my stomach had just been pulled into my throat.

“N-nothing,” I stammered.  “Just forget I said that.”

I couldn’t believe I was so stupid.  But there was no way I could take back what I said.

“So, you went to a bar.  Did you go alone?” Tiffany’s glare seemed to look into my very soul.  I knew lying would only make things worse so I went with the truth.

“N-no.  I was with…Jessica.”  As if it would somehow help, I added, “It was just a few drinks, nothing happened.”  I cringed in anticipation of the wrath that would ensue.

Instead, I was met with silence.

“Tiffany, talk to me.”  Her lack of anger scared me more than anything else.

“Oh,” was all she said. 

 “It meant nothing,” I rambled on.  “It won’t happen again-“

I took a step closer, but Tiffany backed away.

“You know, for weeks I kept thinking that all of this was somehow my fault.  All I could think about was our future together and what I could do to make things right.  Little did I know you were out drinking and having a grand time, not giving two s about our marriage,” she said with a sinister laugh.

“How could you even think that?  I said it meant nothing.  You’re blowing this way out of proportion.   You make it sound like I cheated on you or something,” I said defensively.

“Like that hasn’t crossed your mind before,” Tiffany shot back.

“You know I would never do something like that to you.  And hey, I can’t help it if I’m irresistible to women,” I said somewhat jokingly.

Big mistake.

“Ugh, you’re so immature, Yuri!  When are you going to realize that your actions have consequences that not only affect you, but the both of us,” Tiffany almost pleaded.

As tears streamed down her face, I strained to maintain eye contact.  I could tell she wanted me to say something.  God knows I wanted to, anything to keep her from leaving, but nothing came.

And just like that, she was gone.

I stood there for what seemed like eternity, waiting for her to come walking through the door.  When I realized she wasn’t going to come back, feelings of anger resurfaced.  With no strength left to hold back, I allowed it to consume me. 

I flipped the dining table over with ease, sending everything on it flying in all directions before it came crashing to the floor.  Still not satisfied, I paced around the room.  With my hands balled into fists, I headed for the nearest wall and began to punch as hard as I could with no intention of stopping.  My hands started to bleed and throb with pain, but I didn’t care.  I kept going until a flash of Tiffany’s smiling face caused me to stop; it was from the day of our wedding.  As if she was standing right in front of me, I could hear her reciting the vows she wrote.  Even though she cried through all of it, she never looked so beautiful.       

I instantly snapped out of my blind rage and collapsed to the ground.  Overwhelmed with emotion, I broke down, sobbing uncontrollably as I buried my face in my bloodied hands.            

I stayed that way until a call pulled me back to reality.  I reached for my back pocket, hoping and praying it was Tiffany.

“S-Soo….” I trailed off.  I could barely speak as my body convulsed, struggling for air.     

“Yuri, what’s wrong?”  I could hear panic and concern in her voice.

“Soo…everything is so messed up.  I don’t know what to do,” I said, my voice hoarse and strained.

“Did she tell you?”

My heart nearly stopped.

“Tell me what?” I demanded.

There was silence on the other end.

“Tell me, damnit!” I screamed into the receiver.

“Tiffany…she’s….pregnant,” Sooyoung said somberly.  “That’s why she wanted to see you tonight.  To tell you the news.”

My arms went limp, my phone slipping carelessly from my hand.  A sharp pain pierced my chest as I felt the all too familiar sting of tears which began to fall uncontrollably. 

“Tiffany…..” I whispered. 

My eyes began to frantically scan the room, looking for a sign.  I felt blood drain from my face when I noticed a door with a pink heart taped to it.

I summoned what little strength I had left and slowly rose to my feet.  Staring at the construction paper cut out, I stood there frozen, tormented by thoughts of what awaited on the other side.

I closed my eyes as I squeezed the door knob, turning it ever so slowly.  As the door creaked, I opened my eyes and nearly lost it.  Tiffany had turned the spare room into a nursery.  The walls were painted a light blue with pink hearts that seemed to float along white clouds.  Purple letters arranged over the crib caught my eye.  As I squinted, I was able to make out a name in English. 

*flashback* 

“You ever thought of having kids?” Tiffany said, looking up at the sky as she rested her head on my stomach.

I lifted my head slightly.

“Why, you want to make one right now?” I said with a chuckle.

“I’m being serious, Yuri.”  She lifted an arm and reached over, playfully poking me in the side.

“To be honest, I didn’t think about kids until we met.  Since then, I always knew I wanted a daughter who looked just like you,” I smiled as I gazed up at the blue sky.

“That’s funny because I always wanted a daughter who looked just like me,” Tiffany said with a giggle. 

“Cute,” I said dryly.  “I guess it’s settled.  We’ll have a beautiful baby girl named Tiffany.”

“No way are we going to name her after me,” she said with a cute pout.

“Why not?  A pretty girl should have a pretty name,” I said, trying to convince her.

“If she’s going to have my looks, she should have your name,” Tiffany reasoned.

“Name her Yuri?  I think we can do better than that,” I said with a laugh.  

 Tiffany sat up, deep in thought. 

“How about…..Yumi,” Tiffany finally said as she turned to me.

“Yumi, huh?  That’s a pretty name.  How did you come up with it so quickly?” I asked out of curiosity.

“Easy.  I took the first part of our names and put it together,” she said with a look of accomplishment.

“I like it.  Who knew you were such a genius!” I said as I sat up quickly, placing an innocent kiss on her lips before running away.

“Yah!” Tiffany yelled, scrambling to her feet as she ran after me.

The emotional shock was overwhelming.  I clutched my chest as I let out a scream.

Breathing heavily, I whispered Tiffany’s name.

I turned and ran out of the room, racing for the door.  I wanted to find her.  No, I needed to.  I threw the front door open, only to be left paralyzed as the one person I so desperately wanted to be with was standing right in front of me.   

“You…” I started.

Tiffany’s head was down, her arms holding her sides as she shivered from the cold rain.  Her hair was matted, randomly covering parts of her face. 

“I-I didn’t k-know where to g-go,” she struggled to say.

I quickly pulled her inside.  I grabbed a towel from the closet and sat her down on the couch.  I knelt in front of her and started to dry her hair.

Enveloped in silence, she stared into my eyes as tears began to fall.  My body reacted and I found myself inching closer.  She closed her eyes as I placed a kiss on her cheek.  I could feel the warmth of her tears on my lips.    

“I’m sorry,” I said softly.  “And I love you.”

Tiffany slowly opened her eyes. 

“I love you too,” she whispered with a half smile.

I fought back tears. 

“I wish I could say our lives will get easier from now, but I promise I will do whatever it takes to make this work.  For the three of us,” I said with a smile.

Tiffany nodded in response as she started to cry.

I pulled her close in a tight embrace.

As we remained in each other’s arms, I recalled Tiffany’s wedding vows.

When I thought about what I wanted to write, I kept asking myself what you mean to me.  Are you my best friend, the love of my life, my other half, my soulmate?  All of those things seemed to fit, but when I really thought about what you truly mean to me, I realized that you are my home.  Whether I experienced ups or downs in life, you were always there to welcome me with open arms, an ear to listen, and a heart to love.  The day you came into my life, I knew that wherever I went or whatever I did, I always wanted to return to you.  My love, my wife, my home.