To be honest, if you'd have asked me back then, back before i knew what would happen If i could have ever seen this coming. I probably would have called you insane.

I once heard it said we are like fire and ice we're so different, but I guess they just didn't see him they way I do. And that's alright because even I get him wrong sometimes.

Where to start? There's just so much I can say, I could probably talk for days, but I suppose I should start from the beginning. That's how stories work right? There's a beginning, middle, end, but I don't think we've met our end yet, so we'll see how far I get.

Back when we were trainees, just kids I guess. He was quiet and I was too loud. I just couldn't help myself. We never got along, but then, did anyone? We all knew in the end, that it was us or them.

But then training turned into practicing and my boldness turned to uncertainty. He was as ever, so cool, so together. I looked up to this strong, older brother, hoping his strength could become mine.

In time, awkward conversations became comfortable silence. And that silence grew to be late night whispers behind closed doors and under covers.

Others called us unlikely friends, asked him how he could cope with so much noise.

Back then he would say he hated it, that it drove him mad. But the smile as he said it told me he never meant a word.

There's a good chance I would never have noticed that there was anything between us, if it weren't for one strange night.

We were somewhere, someplace doing god knows what at all times of day, staying in this horrible hotel with no form of heating.

It had been a long day, too many schedules and not enough sleep. We crashed on our beds with three hours till 'morning', and enough energy drink inside us to have a normal person buzzing.

I'm not even sure if i bothered to change, or if I figured getting yelled at by stylists in the morning was worth the extra ten minutes sleep. But sometime between sleep and waking, he crept into my bed his cold hands on my waist.

"Namjoon" He'd said "It's so ing cold."

I think I mumbled back something about his hands being colder than ice. Telling him to "go back to bed".

I remember the way he snuggled into my side, telling me he couldn't sleep. Maybe he was homesick, or maybe the wind howling outside was sending shivers down his spine, just as it was mine. Whatever the reason, his timid voice and the warm breath on my neck convinced me to let him stay.

I would have denied it if you'd asked, but being in his arms felt nice. The morning came much too fast, and no longer feeling the steady rise and fall of his chest felt strange.

It wasn't until the following night I realized something was off. As I lay there, staring at a new ceiling in a new hotel room with Hoseok's snoring as my soundtrack, I realized I missed him. That the night spent with him by my side was far more comfortable than I would have dared like.

But I did not have a clue what to do with this information.

Weeks pasted, as did the feelings of wishing he was beside me. We returned home and things continued as normal.

But I just couldn't shake this feeling. I couldn't put a name to what it was, but I knew it was about him and about me. I felt like there was some sort of atmosphere every time we locked eyes, or were in the same room alone. I didn't know what to call it, but I knew it was freaking me out. So I ignored it, and continued to act as I always did.

But then there were the days when unexpected things would happen. Things that I was so sure didn't actually happen in real life. Like, dropping a pencil and us both reaching to pick it up, our hands meeting at the same time. Or, me almost walking into him, our faces much too close, gazes lingering for much longer than they should.

I think it was during one of those times I decided the atmosphere around us was turning electric.

I remember so clearly the night I realized what was happening. I'm still not sure if he knew then, or if he knew already and just didn't say anything.

We were sat on this old chair thing we had in the corner of our practice room. It was dusty and by every right should have fallen apart, but we loved it. The way you would just sink into it felt so perfect after a hard day's work.

It was late at night, we were supposed to be working on new songs for our album but we were too caught up in ourselves to concentrate.

We'd been talking for hours about stupid things. Pointless things.

"Do you believe in soul mates?" He asked. His voice the same steady tone it always was, but that atmosphere was back, making the hairs on my arm stand up.

"I don't know." I replied, which was the truth. I guess I'd never really thought about it.

"I think I do." Was what he said in reply. I wanted to joke, to ask if there was some girl, but the question felt painful on my tongue so I bit it back.

"Do you think you've ever been in love?" I asked instead. Feeling all sorts of weird butterflies in my stomach. Suddenly I was aware that I was intensely nervous.

This time before replying, he looked at me long and hard. His eyes holding an expression I had never seen in them before. He then said, so softly it made me hold my breath to hear.

"Yeah, I know I am."

We didn't say all that much after that. There was a whole lot of sitting in silence and dancing around each others gaze, until we agreed it was probably time to go home to bed.

I'd like to say I took his hand in mine as we walked under the street light. Or that I kissed him goodnight at the door like the little voice in my head told me to, but I was much too scared. So we walked home to the sound of nightlife. Said goodnight at the door and went to our separate beds. But my heart still raced for hours anyway.

Once again the weeks went by. The weeks started rolling into months and still we danced around each other like moths to a flame. There was nothing I could do but hope an opportunity would arise.

In the end, the next time we had more than five minutes alone was in some dank hotel room. We were someplace, to do something at unreasonable times of day.

This time, unlike last time, I crawled into his bed. And when he asked me what I was doing there I told him that, surely it was obvious.

He smiled at me and shook his head, but wrapped his arms around me anyway. The first thing that occurred to be was how much he smelt like comfort. He was hot and sweaty and probably coated in product and grime that no single shower could ever wash out. But to me he smelt so comforting. He smelt exactly like he was supposed to, even though I didn't know beforehand what that was.

The second thing I noticed, was that even though it had been so long since I was last here against his chest. His heartbeat sounded exactly as I remembered.

"I've missed you". He whispered into my hair.

"You see my every day." I replied, knowing what he meant but feeling strangely playful.

"You know what I mean brat." He said giving my forehead a flick.

I just laughed.

"I've missed you too." I admitted. Because who was I going to kid by saying otherwise?

"Of course you have. I'm irresistible." He boasted, with a sleepy yawn.

"Whatever." I chuckled, snuggling more into his side. "Lets go to sleep now, I'm so tired."

"Goodnight Namjoon." He said softly as he too shuffled into a better sleeping position.

"Sleep well Yoongi." I replied.

I'm not even sure what happened after that night, but things began to change slowly.

We would sleep cuddled up any chance we got, which although there weren't many, were treasured moments. We also started holding hands sometimes when we were alone.

Say, we were working on a track or eating a meal  together. I would feel his gentle fingers brush against mine. It always felt like a question. A sort of "is this okay?" and my fingers would slowly reach out around his, before he could hide them away. It was always a nerve wracking experience. It felt dangerous and exhilarating and totally overwhelming. But the shy smiles shared between us, and the warmth that would radiate from his palm to mine was so perfect. I wouldn't have changed a single moment. Those small moments and stolen bits of time became the highlights of my days.

"Are we dating?" He asked me one afternoon, during a rare quiet moment.

I gently took his hand in mine. I disliked how unsure of himself he sounded, how unlike the untouchable Yoongi he was acting.

"Do you want us to be dating?" I ask in reply. "Because that can definitely be what we are doing."

He smiled a little and squeezed my hand. "Even without knowing you always say and do the right things."

I smile at him in return. The word 'boyfriend' tumbling around my brain.

I almost say something more to him, but then Jimin comes rumbling up to us with an excited looking Taehyung and Hoseok behind him.

Our conversation ended there for the day.

Our first kiss was rather a sudden affair. Yoongi had been working on this new track for weeks. I always loved watching him work, but for some reason on that day he just looked so beautiful.

After about a half hour of me staring at the side of his face I gently tapped his shoulder.

"Hey boyfriend," I called out, hoping to get his attention.

"What?" he asked, his face only half as threatening as it would have been, if there weren't a light blush to his cheeks.

"Can I kiss you?" I asked bluntly.

To this day I have to idea where the courage came from to be so abrupt.

Yoongi stared at me for what felt like hours, before his lips parted and he gave a gentle nod.

I suddenly had no idea what to do with my hands, but leaned in all the same. His eyes were still on me, and mine were trained on his lips, because this was too important to let there be any chance of me not hitting target.

When our lips did finally meet, it felt so right. His lips were warm and inviting and such willing participants, both of us forgot this was our first kiss. It felt like we had been doing this all along, and part of me wondered why we hadn't been.

Eventually the kiss boiled down to there being too much distance between us. The armrests on the chairs felt like barriers, the headphones around his neck like a anchor. When we finally parted ways that night, we kissed goodbye at the door and went to our separate beds. Feeling like the space between us was nothing anymore.

It's not like I can say that it's perfect. Because most of the time it's not. We're boys in love in a boy band. Secrets are all we can have.

But when his eyes are on me, or I feel his sweet kiss, I remember why I keep trying so hard to keep that strange, quiet boy by my side.

Sometimes people say we're like fire and ice we're so different. But that's because they don't know him like I do. We're not so different, Yoongi and me, and we both love each other. What more could there be?

~A/N~ Annnd there it is. I hope it's okay. It's super late and this was writen in one go... so who knows. My first BTS fic too... so yeah. I hope it doesn't . <3 Thank you for reading <3