He sees it in the way he stares at her. The way his eyes crinkle into little crescent moons whenever she says his name. That cute little smirk he does right before he smiles with his cute heart shaped lips. It’s all so beautiful and at the same time nauseating. Because these little habits are not a result of himself, but of another.

It’s times like this where Kai feels the most disgusting. Where he feels as if the skin on his body is crawling with maggots and all he wants to do is disappear into the dirt where he belongs. It’s times like this where he both yearns for Kyungsoo but also despises him the most. His mind cannot handle the conflicting emotions so he just sits in silence watching the scene unravel before him.

He watches as the man of his desires kisses that annoying on the neck and he feels his pulse beating faster. He his lips in time with the couple and shifts further down the leather couch as he stares, fixated on those god damn perfect pink lips. Kai closes his eyes, as he imagines himself there in her place. Smelling the scent of his shampoo, feeling the smooth texture of his shirt against the solid plane of his chest.

He feels pathetic.

He should know by now not to watch movies with these two - they never pay attention anyway. But he can’t help the nervous churning in his stomach when he sees him sitting there. Kissing, passionate, longing. Because even if its not him receiving that sweet, sweet affection, he still has his thoughts to keep him sated.

She moans Kyungsoo’s name and Kai claws at the leather arm rest. He doesn’t say a word, he doesn’t even breathe as Kyungsoo moves his hand up her waist and back down to her thigh.

That should be me.

She moans again - a little louder this time - and Kai takes this as a cue to leave. He gets up from his seat and walks to the front door; completely undetected by the two lovers. He sways as the feeling of bile and detest make their way up his throat, suffocating him until he feels like he’ll pass out. Standing in the doorway, he takes one last look at them - Kyungsoo on top of her - and closes the door behind him.

It’s not fair.

“It’s not fair that you’re so beautiful and yet you aren’t mine.”