‘It’s not supposed to be this way’

That was the thought that kept going around and around in Hyukjae’s mind as he sat at the kitchen table.  All of the lights were off.  The rest of the dorm had long since gone to bed.  Yet Hyukjae sat, watching the clock and waiting.

‘We were supposed to make it.  It was supposed to last forever. What happened?’

He kept searching his mind.  He and Donghae had been together for years.  They were each other’s everything.  He couldn’t figure out where they had gone wrong, and yet things somehow had, and he found himself here.  Sitting, waiting, for his boyfriend to come back home from being out with another guy.  His best friend at that.

‘Did he really think I wouldn’t notice?’

Hyukjae had noticed.  He’d noticed how the touches between the two of them had grown longer and more intimate.  What could once have been passed off as skinship.  Simple fanservice, had gone farther, crossing lines and becoming something more.  He’d watched it happen.  Hands lingering a bit too long, smiles shared as though keeping a secret.

He’d felt it.  The kisses between them once so heated and fervent, growing cold and business like.

There was a time when they couldn’t get enough of each other.  Sneaking off to the dressing rooms during broadcasts to get a few kisses in. Making out on the couch during a movie night.  Cuddling in the van on the way to and from schedules.  They couldn’t keep their hands off of each other.  It was like they had to be breathing the same air or they weren’t whole; were missing a piece of themselves.

When had that become this? This sneaking around and lying. This…

“I won’t be home until late tonight.  I have a schedule, don’t wait up.”  Even though Hyukjae knew perfectly well that Hae was finished for the day.

The…. “I’m just going out for some drinks with a friend.  I’d invite you but…….” because he knew very well that Hyuk won’t drink and is too polite to ask to come along.

When had the touches between them turned into playacting.  The motions there but none of the feelings.  Quick pecks in the morning or at night, where once they would have been tangled up for hours.

‘Why didn’t he just tell me?’

Hyukjae stared into the cold cup of tea that Ryeowook had made him before going to bed.  Placing it in front of him with a soft touch to his shoulder and a whispered “It’ll be ok Hyung”

Seconds ticked by, each minute breaking his heart into tinier pieces.  He couldn’t take this anymore.  He couldn’t keep pretending not to notice.  He couldn’t just stand aside and let this happen.  Donghae was his world and if he wanted to throw away everything that they had.  He was going to have to face him to do it.

At that moment he heard the front door open, and he turned toward the sound.  Two figures made their way into the kitchen.  The shorter one tucked up under the arm of the taller, cuddled close and smiling up at the one holding him.

Hyukjae reached out and turned the light on

“Welcome home Donghae,………… Kyuhyun.”

“Hyukjae…….” Donghae gasped.  Quickly stepping away from Kyuhyun who looked stunned