Taehyung ruffles his hair once again out of frustration. He can’t sleep. He adjusts his position on bed, trying to drift off to his dreamland soon. But it doesn’t seem to come any sooner. He wonders why it’s happening now. Why now? Why does he feel this way now?

What does he feel?

He misses his best friend,

Park Jimin.

              It feels even worse now knowing that he will never meet him again. If he’s lucky, maybe he’ll get a chance. But who knows whether he’s lucky or not?

              Taehyung’s memory goes into 2 years back, when he first met Jimin. There was nothing common in them back then. They were just seated together at school and that made them talk with each other. Taehyung tries to remember how they became best friends? When and Why? No matter how hard he tries he cannot answer that. Taehyung’s explanation to this is that their friendship grew with time and without them knowing they were best friends.

Taehyung kind of regret it now for not paying much attention to their friendship. He so badly wanted to remember how, when and why he chose Jimin as his best friend.

But it’s just a blur in his mind.

This makes him question;

Did I really treat him as my best friend?

     Well, this needs a lot of explanation, in which Taehyung has no idea about. Taehyung did accept Jimin as his best friend, but what was wrong is that he was the only one that knew. He thought that he doesn’t need to tell Jimin that he was his best friend. Instead he always hoped for the other to realize by himself.

That was Taehyung’s theory;

‘Feelings are meant to be felt, rather than told.’

     Taehyung often thought that saying how you feel would decrease its value. Knowing that he was true to himself, he thought of himself as a sincere person. And he never expected Jimin to call him heartless all of a sudden, of which Taehyung never spoke a word about; he just let it pass. But hearing the same thing made him quite curious about why the other was thinking of his that way, that he was heartless.

Stone heart as Jimin says.

‘Am I really heartless?’ Taehyung would ask himself once in a while and look back at everything he had done in his whole life. But as Taehyung sees he had become better and better each day, growing into a gentleman.

Jimin’s reason for calling him heartless was none other than making him feel sad all the time. But in Taehyung’s point of view, it was Jimin’s fault for being too sensitive and getting hurt all the time.

Well, Taehyung does sometimes roar at the other out of anger. It seemed normal to him, but Jimin being too sensitive did not.

As time passes, Taehyung finds himself being comfortable with Jimin calling him heartless. It’s simply because he got used to it. Even with this, their friendship never stopped. But there were a lot of things that Taehyung kept inside. Be it anger or sadness, he didn’t let it out and he regretted it later.

Taehyung finds it irritating how Jimin speaks as if Taehyung doesn’t take him as his best friend. Because he whole heartedly did. And Taehyung cursed under his breath at Jimin for always expecting an explanation in words about how he feels. And it was more than difficult to Taehyung.

Taehyung was not the type to let his feelings out that easily. He has always felt hard to even say the words ‘sorry’ and ‘thank you’. And he remembers when his mother asked him how much he loved her, he answered her with a huge ‘I don’t love you’, despite how greatly he loved her. (Taehyung was the kind to say the opposite of how he’s feeling.) But that was when he was little, seems like he didn’t quite grow up at all. With all these feelings troubling inside, Taehyung found him struggling and fighting with himself all the time.

Jimin only wanted a simple ‘you are my best friend’ from Taehyung.

He only wanted a confirmation.

While Taehyung wanted him to simply understand that he sure was Taehyung’s best friend.

But again, making someone understand your feelings is harder than simply speaking them out.

As Taehyung took more time to show his sincerity to the other, Jimin slipped through Taehyung’s hands once in a while (quite a lot of times), but he was never gone.

As they grew, they found their selves in a sea of people that raced with each other to get to the top. And Taehyung was quite scared that he’ll have to compete with Jimin, something he never wanted to do. He thought if Jimin felt the same way too.

With no other option left, Taehyung was competing with all the others including Jimin. And so did Jimin. Taehyung was doing well at first. But in the middle of the competition, Taehyung finds himself being selfish and it made him halt for a second. This is not what he wanted. This is something he never wanted, racing for a title that doesn’t even last long even if he had to step on his best friend. This is when Taehyung gave up. He decided to do his best and not to lose his beloved friends.

Maybe Jimin did feel the same way, but Taehyung never knew. Jimin was still in the competition and Taehyung was fine with it. (Taehyung knew that Jimin always wanted to be the best, well, he worked hard for it and Taehyung can’t blame him for that.) Since Taehyung was out of the competition, he could keep the friendship. At least that’s what he thought. But things never go as we want them to.

 Taehyung finds himself losing his mind, in the middle of nowhere. Pressure from keeping his anger towards Jimin inside and trying to look like a better person than he was, made him explode and Jimin was in tears once again. And he hated it. He hated Jimin for being so damn sensitive. Taehyung had a lot of rage inside and he couldn’t control it. Taehyung expected Jimin to understand his situation, but it seemed he never did.

Taehyung thought about it now. Why couldn’t he ever know or even guess how Jimin was feeling? Why did he hate Jimin sometimes? Is it normal for a person to hate someone he adores?

Taehyung would never know.

No, he was not in the right mind to understand.

His head was a mess.

His friendship was a mess.

And so was his life.

Does Jimin go through the same?

    Since then Jimin seemed so far away from Taehyung. Even though Jimin was sitting right beside him, Taehyung wouldn’t feel his presence at all. Taehyung started to hate Jimin even more. He hated him so much that he wished that it’ll be better if Jimin leaves his life sooner.

I do not want Park Jimin in my life. I’m so tired of him.

      But on the graduation day, Taehyung feels different. The sudden realization of not meeting jimin again knocks him off his feet. A sudden heart ache makes him feel nervous. But Jimin is nowhere to be found. He looked around to find Jimin, and he saw him with a bunch of other students.

Yeah, that’s right. Jimin found a bunch of new friends lately.  Maybe Taehyung was not good enough for him. But Taehyung knew it wasn’t Jimin’s fault nor was his. It was both. Both of them went wrong while making their friendship, which doesn’t seem to last now.

“Hyung, aren’t you coming?” the sudden familiar voice kicks him out of his thoughts. It was Jungkook, Taehyung’s new friend.

“Yeah, I’m coming.” Taehyung ran to Jungkook, who smiled brightly at him. And Taehyung returned the smile. He was happy. He has Jungkook by his side and he no longer has to go to school or do home works, but something bother him. He’s gonna miss Jimin. And the worst thing is that he doesn’t know whether their friendship still exists or not.  All he could do was turning around and leaving Jimin behind.

And he also doesn’t forget to promise himself not to lose his loved ones again like he lost his best friend, Jimin.

    Remembering past and missing his friend and also the lack of sleep, Taehyung fishes his phone from his table and texts a certain person.

What if we never meet again?

With so many hopes, Taehyung wait for the other to reply, hoping that he is feeling the same way too. And the sudden sound from his phone startles him.

Doesn’t matter

Jimin’s reply quite made Taehyung sad. He suddenly felt like crying, but he didn’t. It seemed that Jimin let go of Taehyung before Taehyung could of Jimin, thought Taehyung expected the opposite.

It’s fine. Just don’t make the same mistake again. Taehyung comforts himself.

Then again his phone rings again. Fishing his phone, Taehyung smiles to himself.

Hyung, let’s go and watch the football match tomorrow?

Well, he now has Jungkook, doesn’t he?

Sure! =D

He texts back and lie down on the bed again, looking at the ceiling.

Life is amazing. I lost a friend and found another in return and Taehyung is thankful for that. And he is thankful for his friendship with Jimin for teaching him so many lessons that he never could have learned alone.

Their friendship never had a pleasant goodbye.

But it seemed beautiful in Taehyung’s eyes.

And he wondered whether Jimin thinks the same way too.

Well, now he doesn’t wanna know……..