I'm grateful, love.
Park Jimin, my life savior.There was once a boy who I met when I was 8, we were good friends, best friends and we never miss out a day without meeting each other in the nearby park to play. He has a pair of beautiful angelic eyes that I was always so immersed into it whenever he looks at me. He always brings along a bag of chocolate chip cookies that his mom baked for me, the crunchiness and sweetness of the cookie still remains in my memory. I've always looked at him as a brother, never something more than that. We do get clingy around each other at times, we used to hold hands a lot, give each other a tight warm hug before saying goodbye.
I still remember how we used to make promises to each other, hooking our tiny pinkies together with a smile full of sincerity. We always said that we will never ever leave each other, we even made a promise on that. I still remember it was during a rainy day, I was playing on the playground under the rain by myself all alone because I can't see him anywhere. I thought that he had already forgotten about me and probably had found another girl to play with so I cried on the slide as I stared down at the raindrops splashing onto the cement floor.
Then suddenly someone hugged me tight, I looked over and it was him. I remember how I shouted at him because I thought he left me for another better person, the way I used my hands to smack his chest as he grabbed onto my arms, stopping me from hitting him. I didn't even know why are we acting that way when we're only 8, the way we act is truly mature. We did made up in the end, he bought me my favorite honey ice cream and I can't stop smiling.
That was when I started to grow feelings for him, his manly actions that he used to protect me from the bullies, he brings my favorite food for me and the sincere smile he shows me everyday. But as he moved away from the neighborhood, we were slowly drifting away from each other. I thought about him every night before sleep, looked at the silly pictures that his mom took for us. As time slowly went by, I reached my puberty, growing into a lady and getting taller, my chubby cheeks were gone, it turned out that I have a sharp jaw, no more cheek fats.
My short little legs became longer and thinner, my flat chest started growing and menstruation starts. I was getting so sensitive during my puberty period, so sensitive that I would cry myself to sleep every single night thinking that our promise is broke into pieces and he really did found a better person than I am. The way I used to throw tantrums across the room when I am desperately missing him more than anything.
As I grow older and older, I started to get asked out, started receiving love letters and even started to hear confessions. No matter how hot the person asking me out is, I rejected all of them. I was 15 when I first got asked out, I was nervous, trembling in front of the boy because he was the most popular in school but unfortunately, I rejected him with my full courage. I can't even believe myself for turning down hotties.
Then as time passed, I got more and more confessions but I rejected them all swiftly. I got so much confessions that I felt like rejecting people is a daily routine for me. But no matter how many years has gone by, I still remember that boy, I bet he's now grown into a tough muscular man. I can't even imagine how he even looks after experiencing his puberty. Who knows when I'm walking down these lonely dark streets, we walked by each other but never get to recognize our grown faces?
When I reach the age of 17, my feelings were starting to bottle up in my heart, it was unbearable. I can only watch my mom getting abused by my father from afar. My heart ached at the sight of her. They always argue, even over little things. I felt ignored during the whole year living as 17. Those days when mom's eyes were red and swollen from crying silently by herself in the corner of the dark room. I know it all, because I was concerned and worried about her that's why I watched her everyday.
I was very quiet in school, no one dared to come over and ask me why and what happened because I only shot glares to people whenever they stared at me. I was the odd one out, every students participate in activities while I don't, I just sit down and watch. At least supporting is fine but I don't even support for god's sake. All my mind was thinking about mom and is my friendship really over with the special someone.
It's quite impressing how I still think about him after 9 years. My feelings bottled up, a little by little and I can't stand it anymore. Who am I to live in this world when I'm invisible to everyone? I have no friends. I have a family that doesn't care about me so sum it up, it also equals that I don't have a family. I don't have someone by my side who supports and guides me through the unbearable obstacles in this unfair life. So why am I here when I'm just a human, who's blocking the way?
I'm officially 19 today and no one even wished me a happy birthday. I went to my closet and grabbed a sweater, wearing it on before going out for a walk. I sighed at the streets full of lovey dovey couples, kids happily playing with their parents and....best friends playing together. "You really did leave me for a better person, didn't you Park Jimin?" I scoffed and ran my long agile fingers through my brown wavy hair.
I sat down on the nearby wooden bench, as I remembered how Jimin surprised me adorably during my 8th birthday. It's 11 years from now, and as I took a glance at the playground we used to go at the opposite of me, it was rusty and old. Workers are destroying the playground as the other batch of workers started to build a new one on the other side. "It's like forgetting my old memories and starting with a new beginning," I thought to myself and shook my head hopelessly.
I stood up and stretched for a little, arching my back as my bones made a crack sound as it felt so refreshing. "Eomma, let's take a sit here," I glanced over as my heart warmed at the sight of a young man treating his mother like a princess. I envied his close relationship he has with his mom, unlike me, my mom and I barely even speak a word to each other. I sat back down and gave his mom a polite smile. "Sit closer to me, son. She doesn't have any space. You have to learn how to be a gentleman, arasso?" His mom told his son as he just laughed and scooted over to his mom so I had more space.
"No, it's okay. I'm fine," I faked a smile and looked away, if I stared at both of them more, I'll feel jealous and depressed at the thought of my pitiful mom. "Eomma, why are they destroying the playground? That's where most of my memories are from," The young man said as he pouted at his mom. It's impressive how most of the people's memories are made on that lovely little playground. I was eavesdropping to their conversations, smiling secretly to myself when they're arguing over little things.
"Aigoo...Jimin-ah, eomma will go for a walk," Everything stopped. My heart beat grew faster. It felt like I was in a dream. Jimin? Did I hear it correctly? Or was I just having too much imaginations? Am I missing him too much that's why I'm being super delusional right now? "Arasso. Be careful, okay?" The young man helped his mom to stand up before he sat back down. I was speechless. My fingers felt like they were paralyzed, I wanted to stand up but my knees were too weak, I was trembling.
I kept looking over at him, is he Jimin? Is it true? His angelic eyes does resemble the young Jimin. But...since when did he became this muscular? I clutched on my sweater as my breathing became heavier and heavier. "Are you...okay?" He looked over and asked concernedly. I tried to calm myself down, knowing that there's like thousands of people who go by the name Jimin. Probably he's Shin Jimin, Lee Jimin, Jung Jimin, Bang Jimin, Ryu Jimin, Kim Jimin, Roh Jimin or even Kwon Jimin, not Park Jimin.
"Erm..." He cleared his throat when I didn't answer him. "You...." A tear dropped as he looked more worried. "Hey...what's wrong?" He kneeled in front of me, meeting my eye level. I looked into his eyes, the feeling sparked in me, the feeling that I longed for came back once again after 11 years. Is that really him? I still couldn't believe myself. "I hate you," I smacked his chest as I cried, the memories of 11 years before came back again, as it resembled the moment right now.
He grabbed onto my arms, as it surprised me, that was what Jimin did to stop me 11 years ago. "You resemble a lot of someone I used to know...." The side of his jaw tightened as he looked into my hazel brown eyes. That sentence was the pure truth of who he is. He is Park Jimin. He is. "Park Jimin..." My voice trembled as tears continued to flow, I immediately hugged him as I cried on his shoulder. "Where have you been?! I ing hate you. Why did you leave me-" "I miss you...(y/n)," He released from the hug and caressed my face, wiping away my tears as his eyes began to water. He really really did miss me too.
"Why....Jimin...why. Why did you make me suffer for 11 ing years?!" I said in between my sobs. I don't even know whether should I be happy or mad at him right now. "Shhh. Don't cry...I'm right here. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry. Oppa is sorry," He apologized again and again as he kept on rubbing my back. "Do you know how much I suffered during these years?! Why didn't you come and be with me earlier? I was so lonely that I spent all of my birthdays by myself," I sniffed as he took my hand and caressed it gently in his warm palm.
"You shouldn't cry on your birthday..." He tucked my hair behind my ear as he wiped away my tear. "You still remember my birthday...?" I asked in surprise as he nodded. I never knew he still remember such things, even after 11 years, he's still thinking about me just like I am. "So...how are you these years?" Jimin asked but I lowered my head in silence. "I....suffered. When you left my life, I didn't even know what is the definition of happiness...I didn't know, at all. I don't have friends, I'm a loner in school. My mom and I barely even speak to each other. My father started to leave home a lot more than before. My mom....is getting abused by my father...a lot..." My voice started trembling once again and I knew I'll break down in front of him anytime soon.
"(Y/n)....I'm so sorry... I promise I'll always be by your side, okay? Please don't make yourself hurt anymore, I hate to see you like this. Promise...?" He reached out his pinky, waiting for me to hook it and make a promise together. I raised my hand but I lowered it halfway as Jimin looked at me with furrowed eyebrows. "Why aren't you promising me?" Jimin's voice was full of pain while asking. "I'm afraid...that you'll break this promise again. Didn't we make the same promise 11 years ago? You left me, didn't you? I don't know if I can trust you this time," I looked away, not meeting his eyes.
He scooted over to me closer, as I backed away until the edge of the bench. He stared into my eyes as his round angelic eyes were shining. My heart was racing as fast as a lightning, the sound of my heartbeat can be heard as my breathings began to get heavier. His face came closer again, both of us didn't speak, we just stared into each other's eyes in silence. His face was just inches away from mine, I felt his hot breath against my lips as I was getting more nervous.
I've never seen this side of him before. Is he getting mad because I didn't promise him? Is he going to slap me anytime soon? I clutched onto my sweater as my hands began to sweat. I looked into his eyes but it was strange how his eyes looks soft and gentle instead of furious. Isn't he mad at me? I thought once more. I was getting so confused. I gulped, when he came closer again. He looks so beautiful up close. His nose looks sharp, his eyes are shining, his lips looks so soft and moist.
None of us looked away from each other, it was getting so intense. I had to hold back the urge of kissing him, him being my lover for more than ten years, how can I not kiss those beautiful lips of his? I felt the heat rising onto my cheeks as it made my cheeks look rosy. He tilted his head a little as he came forward again. I closed my eyes, afraid of what he might do next. I was electrified when I felt something soft against my lips, I was confused. Jimin...kissed me?
My hands naturally rose up and wrapped around his neck as one his hand were on my waist and the other was caressing my cheek. It felt so magical like I was in a fairytale. It didn't felt real at all. Is this a dream? I thought to myself over and over again. But the feeling was still there, he bit my lower lip gently as I made an entrance for his tongue. His tongue explored every corner of my mouth as I did the same. Our tongue were fighting each other and of course, he won.
We broke the kiss, gasping for air as we rested our forehead against each other, looking deep into each other's eyes. "Will you...promise me now?" He asked softly, almost like a whisper as I nodded. "I love you," He confessed and wrapped his hands around my waist. "I love you too," I shyly replied and pecked on his lips as he smiled adorably at me. "You won't leave me okay?" I reassured once more as he nodded and nodded repeatedly.
-5 years later-
"Eomma! Eomma!" The little girl with pigtails and rosy cheeks, Hyemin, shook my legs over and over again as I finally looked down at her in response. I carried her into my arms as I pecked on her chubby little cheeks. "Eomma! Appa is ignoring me!" Another small pair of hands were wrapped around my leg as I stared down at the spiky hair of the little boy. "Appa is ignoring you?" I repeated after him as he nodded intensely with pouty lips.
"Hyemin-ah, go and play with Minsu oppa while I go punish appa," I set the toddler down as I walked over to the living room. "Where are the kids?" He finally looked up from his phone and spoke after I purposely stepped on his foot. "It's because you're ignoring the kids too much that's why you have no idea where they are, Park Jimin is such a GREAT father," I teased as I pinched the tip of his nose, making him cringe adorably. Yes, he's still adorable in my eyes.
"Don't make me feel guilty you lil cutiepie," He picked me up in his muscular arms and settled me on his lap as he started tickling my waist. He knows what are my weaknesses. "Yah!" I started screaming as he stopped when I was smacking him. "Stop. It hurts," He looked into my eyes and pouted, still like a baby. "I just noticed I'm taking care of three babies. One big baby and two small babies," I ran my fingers through his soft hair, ruffling it into a mess but it still looked damn attractive.
"There's going to be more babies for you to take care of soon, good luck," Jimin teased and chuckled. "Do you think it doesn't hurt to give birth to two freaking babies in one day?" I crossed my arms and glared at him sternly. "What am I supposed to say? Sorry because my was too good that it made you have twins?" He tugged on my sweater as I rolled my eyes at him. "Yes, you should. You should apologize because your was too good," I replied sarcastically as he just laughed.
"You are lucky enough it's wasn't triplets or even quadruplets. Who knows next time it might be-" "Yah. Do you want my ing wall to tear?" I smacked his chest as he just nodded sarcastically. I reached my hand up and playfully strangled him as he just smiled in return. "I'm going to chop off your if you keep on speaking these nonsense," I joked. "Fine. Then I guess I'll have to use my own hands to satisfy my next time," He winked and bit his lip as I made a what-the-hell face at him.
"Eomma, are you done punishing appa yet?" The twins ran over to us as Minsu asked in delight. "I'm done punishing him. Guess what is his punishment? No dinner!" I jumped up from Jimin's lap as Minsu and Hyemin did their own celebratory dance together, leaving Jimin looking at us clueless. "Babe, what is this all about?" Jimin dragged me and asked softly, still having his eyebrows raised. "You'll learn your lesson today. No worries," I smiled as he just looked at me strangely.
"You better not regret anything tonight," Jimin gave me a smirk before picking up the kids into his arms. "Yah! Okay okay, you'll have dinner," I back hugged him as I felt him smile at my soft touch. "I was just kidding babe," He placed the kids down before giving me a kiss on the forehead sweetly. "I love you," I said and leaned against his chest. "I love you too," He said and kissed the top of my head. "How I wish I can stay like this in your arms forever," I snuggled into his chest and mumbled. "Eomma! Appa! Stop it! It's gross!" Minsu and Hyemin covered their eyes and yelled as both of us just laughed at them.
I'm glad. I'm happy. I'm proud. That Park Jimin changed my life. Last but not least,
I'm grateful,
love.
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