"KYAAAAA!!!!"~~~~~

 

  Loud series of screams took over on that once quiet studio when our group settles on the stage. Stand on our assigned position and wait for the signal of the stage director.

  On cue, the lights surrounding us burn in full brightness and the crowd scream louder. Kim Sunggyu does a short greeting he always do before we perform. After that, the lights turns off and I reach for my microphone in my back pocket, find my hands shaking. Which is a little strange because I've beeen performing for almost five years now, but still tremble evertime. I close my eyes and try to focus, telling myself I'm alone but the ear-deafning screams from the fans made it so difficult to do.

  The lights turns on, revealing us, and under this circumstances, trembling or not, I really have to perform.

  Time passed by so quickly, because the next thing I'm concious is we are being instructed to change our clothes. My make-up being washed off. I stare at my own reflection for a while. the painted Lee Sungyeol is gone for now. Behind the camera, I am the Sungyeol who could wear what I want and not what our stylist wantwd. I am Sungyeol who could say what I want, unscripted, not what our managers stayed up late just preparing. Because off camera, the pupprt Lee Sungyeol being manipulated by unseen forces is gone. Without being filmed, I can be the Lee Sungyeol I was.

Make-up erased, clothes changed, we started to walk outside the studio, followed by uor three managers who just sit the whole time but looking exhausted than the rest of us who dance and sing for almost five hours. I inwardly shook my head and find it's only one in  the afternoon. Finally, had a longer time to rest.

We were walking in syncronized toward the parking when someone nudge my side. "Hey Lee Sungyeol." Jang Dongwoo called, I turn to look at him, see his eyes shining for some reason. "What?" I ask. "We've got plans today." he says. I glane side-ways and find my members smiling brightly that it almost looked like a grimace.

I'm to ask another question when he whispers, "Escape."

Escape. The thought actually coaxes a smlie out of me and without further expalnations, I nod. "Okay. Count me in."

Escape. Like we used to. During our Sesame Player filming. Those time when we are nothing but a bunch of rookies with no money and no fangirls. As we'rre closer to our van, I remember. Those exciting, unforgettable moments we had. Suddenly, I seem not to ned sleep I was deprived because of busy schedules. Because at this moment, what I need is not a full day sleep or delicious foods, what I need is a freedom, a little freedom I never had once I signed the contract under the Woollim Entertainment.

"Okay. Check your phone." Dongwoo lowered his voice. "I'll send the plan later."

 

As we enter and take a seat inside our van, L taps my shoulder. "Let's go together." he suggests. I gave him a shrug and grins. "We'll see." I said. Though I know I"ll go alone. There are some walks you need to take alone.

Minutes before two, I finally recieved Dongwoo's message. Our plan is to flee while our manager parks the van, which is easy because only Hyoan's with us. Our two other managers stayed on Woollim. And it was the same plan we had before, so we assumed, victory will be ours.

 We are almost in or dorm and we prepare to flee. Our rhythmic breathings suggest the excitement we are surpressing. It was the same old plan, but we know this time it will different. For this time, there are no cameras to recoed every little thing we do.

One. Two. Three minutes. I feel my member's body tensed, my chest baeting faster.

Two minutes. Spasms  caused my hand clenched in fist to tremble.

Excitement taking over.

One minute. This is it. I can hear our pounding chest.

Seconds before our escape, the van stopped to drop us and as part of the plan, to deflect suspicion, Sunggyu yawns and stretched his arms. "Come on. Quickly. Got to sleep."

He opens the van, one by one, as normal as we could, we climbed down.

Three. Two. One. It's time.

We ran as fast as we could in differeant ways. Being born in Seoul, I know every street on it. I turn left where I will cross a narrow street, few people passed by. I's hard to run with head bebd down so I reach for my back, fortunately, I find my cap and a white mask. Wear them. Turn to my right and I'm in the busy street of Seoul again. My moves vigilant at first but walk normally after I figured out Hyoan can no longer find me at this rate.

 Where will I go? My house? Mall? Park? No. the last two options are not possible. My members might be there to. And to bump with them is the last thing I want to do.

In the middle of my thinking, the wind blew and I welcone the feeling of being cold. Winter's approaching. It will begon next week.

 I take in the streets, the people walking with me and the sun rays as it illuminates my bare skin. For some reason, it's a welcome feeling. When was the last time I had time to stop and feel this ordinary things? Four? Five? probably five years ago.

 I check the time, 02:30pm. I remember five years ago, at the same time, I"m walking, wandering in the streets of Seoul freely, with no mask or anything. Smiling widely at people I really don't know.

I remember five blocks away from where I'm standing now, there's a store I always crossed at and I'll buy iced-coffee there. Then walk across the street then turn to right to stay at the bookstore where I will read some Manga I like. Shortly after that, I'll walk the straght avenue in ther right where our family's flower shop stands among other stores. Arrange and water the flowers as I wait for customers. After two houts of manning the shop, I'll close it and walk toward the east where Han River's waiting for me. Sit on one of the bench, and there, I will wait for the thing no money can ever bought.

It was a simple daily routine I guess I never fully appreciated before but the things I can never do now.

Suddenly, a nwe thought swells up on me. Grins as I literally bounce on my way. I will do it now. Those things I still love, though as not as freely.

The old store still stands even after many years. I ordered iced-cofee, it almost went well, if it's not for a girl who's looking intently at me. Before she could decide if I'm really Sungyeol, I quickly made a way out. Sigh in relief afterward. I sip my drink, letting it pass on my throat. Being a singer, I am refrained from drinking cold drinks

Shortly, I reached the bookstore. No one notices me but I can hear murmurs behind me. At first, I thought it's because of me but when I glance side-ways, I find L and Hoya sitting on a stair, theif face exposed. I clicked my tounge and turn my back before they look at my way. Enter the bookstore and find it's greatly changed. The manga stalls no loner exist but there are a lot of new books. In a stall, find a book with a cover of a sunset and read a part. It's about how the author love the sunsets.

I look at my watch again, 03:15pm. Turn my heels to leave. As i walk at the road, I slow down my steps, feeling my every moment. As i turn right, I can clearly see the place where I could be myself again. I exhale deeply and reach for my keychain. Pull a gold key from it and stayed on the front door before twisting the knob. The smell of the flowers warmly welcomes me.

I changed the sign CLOSED to OPEN and grab my pink apron behind the counter,peel off mask and my cap. My mother wanted to close the shop after I got in Infinite but this place have a hold in my heart and a great deal of my childhood. It sets an argument between us but when I insisted, she finally agreed and hire a working student to manned the shop.

 I walk toward the door across the customer's waiting area, there's where the flowers are planted. I arrange a bouquet with a red rose on the center, surrounded by small white roses. It's good combination, pleased with it, I smell it once agin before displaying it. Stayed on the flower room to plant some baby's breath flowers. Water the roses and cut the dried ones. Hummed as I gently plant a white tulip, that's when the chimes ring, indicating for a customer. 

It's an old man who orders a simple bouquet for his wife. I grab the bouquet I just made and show it to him.

"That's wonderful." the old man says.

"Yeah. She'll like it Ahjusshi." I smile. The old man paid for it and left.

Nothing left to do, I just sit on the counter and read an old manga I've read a lot of times.

Few minutes before five, a young student, sweating and panting orders a special bouquet for his loved one. The man doesn't recognize me. Good.

I turn to thr flower room and prepare his order. I place a big red rose in the center and encircle it with white fresh baby's breath. Cover it with pink cellophane, forming a heart. Whoever that girl us, she'll like it.

As I come back, I find the man checking his watch. Probably in a hurry. Quickly, I lend it to him and smile.

"She'll like it." I said. he smiles and pay for the flowers, before he twist the knod, he smiles again and said, " Actually, It's a HE."

I just nod and didn't comment further. I'm actually in favor af man to man relationships, as long as they love each other, it's fine. But I can't imagine myself with a man. No. My intimacy with the members was only for the fans. Fanservice. Nothing more.

I almost lost the track of time, for when I check my watch, it's already 05:50pm. Uh. Oh. Gonna be  late.

 

In hurry steps, I put the apron back in the counter, wear my cap and mask. Check the flower room and keep the money on the safe.

After few minutes, I'm already walking toward the East. Smiling widely. I let my excitement takes over. Shortly, I reach my place. Breath the air and feel as the warm rays kiss my cheeks.

I chose a bench far from people. put off my mask to fully enjoy the moment. I look as the sun lowered in horizon and it's rays pass through me. I smile and close my eyes. Rest my bask on the bench and count 1-100 slowly.

When I open my eyes, I am greeted by the most wonderful color I've ever seen, spread across the sky. My smile widens and stare at it. I love how the sun paints millions shade of red and orange in the darkening blue sky. I love how the million shades of what's in between illuminates my form. Sunsets always remind me it's a privilege to live in this world.

When was the last time I've seen this? As an artist, I no longer know whether it's morning or night. My life in the limelight, the bust schedules, the pressure have prevevted me from seeing this.

I felt someone sat beside the bench I'm in. For no reason, my head turns to that way and find a girl, looking at the spectacular moment in front of us.

For a second, my heart skips a beat. Aim for air and swallow athe lump that has form in my throat. Still looking at her, my chest begin to beat faster, for a moment, I'm afraid I am having a heart attack. Swallow again and look as the sun rays reflected on her face. Beautiful. Much beautiful. Much beautiful than the scene in front of me.

She must feel a pair of eyes on her, for she turns to my way and I meet her gaze. Suddenly, I felt a stirring pain on my stomach, as if I'm being punched. My heart continues to breath faster to the point of pain. Those hollow brown eyes penetrating my form.

Before I could tell myself to calm down, I felt someone grab my arm.

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