„Do you Kim Myungsoo take the here present Lee Eunji as your wife? So answer with I do“

Myungsoo's gaze shifted to the brides brother „I.....“

Everything started like it was supposed to be.

Myungsoo couldn't be more in love. The tingling feeling he had when holding his girlfriend Eunji in his arms and sharing sweet kisses was probably the greatest feelings in the world. And that even after 3 years of dating. His feelings never changed once and he just knew that she was the love of his life. There was no doubt, he would marry her, they would have at least four children and he would grow old with her, his feelings never waving the tiniest bit!

He planned everything with her. His whole life revolving about the girl with the sweetest and brightest smile, lighting up the darkest places.

And he changed, for her, but he never once had a problem with it. “Plaid looks stupid”, so he got rid of all his plaid shirts. “You shouldn't wear black so much”, exchanged was his black wardrobe with more colorful pieces. “Please don't take so many pictures when we're outside, all your concentration is behind your lenses when we go out shouldn’t you pay more attention to me?” his collection of all his cameras were sleeping in a box far from his reach. Be he didn’t mind. Because he loved her and he would marry her, having children and grow old!

But everything changed.

It had been two weeks since he asked Eunji to marry him. She said yes without hesitation and then they kissed, Myungoo not able able to get rid of his stupid grin on his face once since then, because he just couldn't believe it that he was so lucky finding the one love he was sure of staying his whole life with.

They just rang the doorbell at the door to Eunji's family house. As soon as news about the engagement reached them they invented them over to dinner.

Myungsoo wasn't nervous. Eunji's parents loved him and they've met so many times before that he already counted them as family, they would just make it official with the marriage.

He was a strand of hair falling in Eunji's face behind her ear, whispering a soft “ I love you” when he heard the door opening and then a voice, a voice he never heard before, saying “oh you must be Myungsoo”. When he turned to the voice Myungsoo's world stopped. He was greeted with a smile so radiant, that thousand suns were rising in Myungsoo's heart.

They were sitting at the dinner table. His soon to be wife next to him, the boy, who turned out to be Sungyeol, in front of him.

Sungyeol is Eunji's older brother. And Myungsoo knew about him, he just never got the pleasure to meet him before. He was abroad for his studies “just living his life”, as Sungyeol put in, until recently. When Eunji and Myungsoo first started dating he was already gone. He never got to see a picture of him though, which wondered him, but Eunji never told him why there were no pictures at her house or at her parents house. But Myungsoo assumed that their relationship wasn't the best.

The mood was a little bit tense, even though Sungyeol was smiling and telling stories and jokes but his family.... Myungsoo didn't knew, he would ask Eunji later ( he still got no answer though), and shoved it off. Different than his fiances family Myungsoo was totally in Sungyeol's ban. It seemed impossible to not stare at the boy who seemed so full of life, his smooth voice bouncing through the room.

“Hey sis. I know that the timing is bad because, well you're going to marry and all, congratulations by the way, again, but this came so surprisingly and yeah, you know I wanted to ask if I can move in with you for a few months? If that is okay with your Myungsoo of course. It's just that your place is so close to the place I'm starting to work at and after all the years in America I want to adapt to the lifestyle in Korea again and you know how expensive it is to rent something here”

Myungsoo noticed that Eunji got tense next to him, but he was still so in trance by Sungyeol that his lips started to move on it's own. “Sure, no problem. Our flat is big enough”

And that's how it happened that Sungyeol moved in with them

Before Sungyeol actually moved in, Eunji and Myungsoo had a huge fight. Unknowingly for him she had some huge issues with her brother living with them, but she just wouldn't tell him the reason why so he couldn't help. While she was raging around the living room he was just looking at her but he spaced out in the middle of it, the face of the smiling boy in front of his inner eyes and he was wondering himself why he said yes to her older brother immediately, without even giving his girlfriend time to answer first. He's never done that before.... doing something which was unpleasing her and he felt really bad but to be honest he always though that he would feel even worse if they were ever in a situation like this, but he didn't.... and he wondered why.

Living with Sungyeol wasn't that bad though, it was like he wasn't even there. He left the house early in the morning and came back late.

Myungsoo and Eunji so busy with there job, their life and their marriage, that even if Sungyeol was around they wouldn't even notice it.....

Though, Myungsoo DID notice. It sounded crazy and dumb but he knew that there was another presence in his house and he tried SO hard to ignore it, because Eunji needed his full attention but he couldn't do anything against his mind wandering to Sungyeol, wondering if he was fine because since he moved in he didn't see him smile even once, and somehow......[ he missed it ].... he didn't know why he was even thinking about it that much.
 

It was a Friday evening, Eunji was staying in Japan over the weekend, something related to her Job and because she wanted to visit this one wedding dress shop she was swooning over for years.

Myungsoo was alone in the flat, for once in black jogging pants and a black t-shirt, a beer in his hand, sitting in front of the TV watching, yeah maybe it was weird for a man, anime.

He actually couldn't believe he was doing this. He didn't for years. With this one evening he did so many things Eunji wasn't fond of.

First: Jogging pants
Second: Black

Third: Drinking beer under the week (even though he already counted Friday as weekend, but she didn't)

Fourth: Watching TV ( it was so unproductive )
And sixth: Anime

There was some rustling at the front door and soon after Sungyeol appeared in the living you. A nod, and a hey from both sides, and Sungyeol was making his way to his room, dropping his things there before heading for the kitchen. “Do you mind if I take a beer as well”, it wasn't a unusual situation, Sungyeol asking for something in the fringe he didn’t bought and Myungsoo would always answer with an “of course”. He heard the fringe opening and closing. A soft plop when the bottle was opened followed by footsteps. What Myungsoo didn't expected was Sungyeol joining him, letting himself fall on the space next to him. That was definitely unusual, he never once joined Myungsoo and Eunji before but Myungsoo didn't mind...why should he?

A soft sigh left Sungyeol's lips. “It's good to be finally sitting.”, he took a sip, Myungsoo's eyes following the way his Adam apple moved. “Tiring day?” Myungsoo finally asked, his gaze now fixing the others eyes.

They talked, a lot. And they laughed even more. It was 1am when Myungsoo finally got enough courage to ask the question which was troubling him since Sungyeol decided to join Myungsoo in the living room. “Sungyeol” “hmmm” “How comes that you're here? Don't get me wrong, it's just that... you never once joined us you know?” He noticed how Sungyeol started to peel the etiquette of the beer bottle in his hands. “I.... I guess you noticed that my sister isn’t that fond of me, did you? I just wasn't my intention to anger her even more. But you seemed like a nice person, and after all it's thanks to you that I'm here, I mean let's be honest she would have probably said no. I guess what I wanted to say is that I thought this would be a great opportunity to say thanks?!” When Sungyeol smiled at him he felt how a soft blush made his way to his face, his mouth forming a smile by itself. “You're welcome”

When Sungyeol announced that he would go to bed, they bid their goodbyes and their good nights before their ways separated.

Myungsoo was laying is his bed for five minuted when he pushed his blankets away and made his way over to Sungyeol's room. He hesitated a bit before he knocked on the door softly “Sungyeol, are you asleep yet?” it was silent for a while before he got and answer “No I'm not. Come in”...” No, no, I just wanted to ask if you're working tomorrow and if not if you want to do something... I mean together. Just thought...well...yeah”, a soft chuckle was to be heard “I would love to”. Myungsoo sighed in relief. “Goodnight Sungyeol” he already turned around heading back to his own room when he heard his voice again “Sleep tight Myungsoo”. He smiled.

After grabbing breakfast at a coffee shop, because without a woman in the house the fringe was suddenly empty, they were strolling through the mall because Sungyeol needed to restock his wardrobe a little bit. It was different. The past years Myungsoo was always shopping with his fiance, well most of the time she dragged him around and showed him what she thought would fit Myungsoo. Sungyeol just left Myungsoo alone and did his own thing, which was totally understandable, they weren't in a relationship after all. So it was the first time in quite a while that Myungsoo took his time and actually looked through all the clothes he probably would have bought years ago.

His fingers were over the soft fabric of the dress shirt, it was plaid. With a sight he let the material slip through his fingers when a “You should buy it” startled him. “Nah Eunji wouldn't like it” he sighed again, looking at Sungyeol who starred right back. “Can I be honest? That's a stupid reason. If you like it she should just accept it”. Myungsoo brushed it off and simply left the store, Sungyeol trailing after him.

It had been a really great day and Myungsoo was really surprised how well the got along. It was easy and carefree to chat with the other, but it was also nice to enjoy the silence in between.

They decided to have dinner at a barbecue restaurant Sungyeol recently found. In between their servings and jokes the older man suddenly started to space off. “Everything okay?” Myungsoo asked worriedly. With a long and deep sigh Sungyeol made eye contact “It's just... do you mind not telling my sister that we, well, spent time together? I don't think she would like that”. It may sound weird but somehow Myungsoo understood and somehow he had the same feeling so he nodded, agreeing to keep it as a little secret from Eunji.... for the first time.

When Eunji comes back, everything is back to normal. Sungyeol won't be around and the soon to be married couple was planning their wedding.
Eunji fell in love with a dress she found in the Japanese store and asks if it's okay if she'll spent her weekends in Japan because there need to be a few things changed about it. Myungsoo couldn’t say that he was exactly happy about not seeing her in this time but he didn't mind either, after all he wasn't all alone....he was there as well.

Weeks passed like this. Sungyeol and Myungsoo would spent time together whenever Eunji wasn't around and they up a beautiful friendship.....friendship....

They would enjoy the evenings doing nothing more than sipping on a beer, watching weird movies, eating tons of crisps and chatting. The next day cleaning the mess they left behind because they were to lazy throwing their trash into the bin when they were lying together on the rather small couch, facing each other, legs squished together, trying to shove their own feet into the others face like high school boys having the urge to fight a little bit.

It was a Saturday when Myungsoo was awakened by a loud bang and a small scream. Immediately he jumped out of bed, burst through to door to find Sungyeol sitting in front of a box! “What happened” he asked a little out of breath, springing out of bed after being teared out of sleep like this wasn't exactly what he imagined. Sungyeol looked at him with wide eyes “Oh, You're awake?” Myungsoo just shot him an are you kidding me look, so Sungyeol continued. “I found this rather interesting looking box and I couldn't help myself from taking a look at it but it was heavier than I expected it to be and then I tripped and fell and when I looked inside I got the biggest shock, like how many dozen of super expensive cameras are inside this box? And I was SOOO afraid that I might have broken them and I kinda panicked. I swear, I normally don't scream like this. Anyways, now that you're here I can ask. Why are they in a box anyway? As Eunji has no interest in photography I guess they are yours so how comes they're in a” Myungsoo looked at his beloved cameras and had to look away ashamed. Sungyeol got it “...box.....oh...... It IS because Eunji has no interest in it, am I right?” Myungsoo kind of nodded and once again Sungyeol sighed. He always sighed when something was related to Eunji. “Look, Myungsoo. I'm really really sorry but I just have to say this. I really don't want to come off as rude but shouldn't two people who love each other accept the other how they are and not trying to change a single thing?”

Now it was Myungsoo's turn to sigh “I don't think you understand. I did it on my own free will, she never told me to do so, so please don't judge our love, that's just what love is about” The other had a look on his face Myungsoo couldn't read and the next words were stinging so deep, that Myungsoo didn't know how to respond “but obviously she gave you the feeling that you though it would be better to change all those things about you. If you really meant it you wouldn't take every chance to dress in black, drinking beer and watch anime as soon as she is gone. Because that it your real you and you don't want to give it up....... I think you don't really know what love is actually about.”

Myungsoo sat in Eunji's and his bedroom, looking around and thinking about the others words. It was a room to sleep in, not to dream, he realized. The room had nothing to do with him. If it were his room, there would have been photographs everywhere. Pictures he took of places they visited, of things they both liked, and probably a dozen of pictures they took together. But this wasn't the case. The room was empty. There were two photographs hanging from famous photographers which you could get in every store. It was so... mainstream, nothing personal.

“Myungsoo” Sungyeol's soft voice interrupted Myungsoo's train of thoughts. “Look I'm sorry. I was in no position to say those things to you. Would you join me in the living room and show me how to work those cameras, well if you don't mind me trying to look at them? They're really fascinating, but I don't know how to touch them.”

That's how they ended up on the carpet, looking through all the different models, taking weird pictures of the other. Myungsoo missed the feeling of pressing the shutter, a second later seeing the result. Soon, they lay next to each other, Sungyeol holding the camera taking pictures together. I was completely different compared to Eunji. All she ever did was taking selcas with her phone, needing at least 5 minutes until she takes the picture because she tries to look perfect at every single photo. Sungyeol was pressing the shutter at an unbelievable speed, and they laughed about every shot one of them had their eyes half closed, or were in the middle of talking. He couldn't deny that he really wanted to do this with Eunji, but deep down it felt so right, lying next to Sungyeol doing all the little things with him.

In the middle of taking pictures, Myungsoo turned his face to look at Sungyeol who was making silly faces at the lens but when he noticed the stare he turned his head as well closing almost the whole space between them. Myungsoo couldn't help but notice, that the other looked quite flustered in this situation and before he could do anything, Sungyeol accidental dropped the camera, which landed right on his face. Myungsoo had to deal with his laughing fit for at least 5 minutes, because Sungyeol looked so funny when the camera hit him but when he finally calmed down he managed to breathe out an “ at least it was a normal digital camera, imagine that it would have been one of my huge DSL cameras”

4 months passed like this, the wedding was right around the corner and Eunji was in Japan for the last time.

It was Saturday evening, anxiously Myungsoo waited for Sungyeol as this would probably be their last “bro-day” and he wanted to enjoy every single second of it. It was unusual late when Sungyeol got home and when he finally appeared in Myungsoo's view there wasn't a smile on his face like usually. There was no need to say anything, Myungsoo immediately knew that something wasn't right. He simply passed him a beer bottle when he sat next to him which Sungyeol drank in one go. He reached next to him for a plastic bag, Myungsoo failed to notice before and took out four bottles of soju. He didn't even bother to drink out of cups, he just opened one bottle and let the liquid run down his throat.

Myungsoo wasn't even sure how many bottles they emptied. Sungyeol's plastic bag seemed to consist of a never ending stock of soju bottles. He felt unwell, that they had to spent their last day together like this, drinking without talking, but he was even more worried, because it seemed like Sungyeol was trying to process something and he just wouldn't tell Myungsoo. That's why it was quite a surprise for him when Sungyeol's voice finally broke the silence but he disliked every single word leaving his lips. “I'm going to move out on Tuesday. I was dealing with the last things today”, Myungsoo's head snapped in Sungyeol's direction. It was unescapable that he would move out sooner or later but this was to sudden. “You don't have to move out yet” his voice cracking in the middle of the sentence..... I don't want you too. It was already hard enough on Myungsoo that it would most likely be harder to spent time with him from now on, and he had the feeling that Sungyeol would disappear from his life completely if he moves out now. Sungyeol chuckled sadly “I have to Myungsoo. Man, you're marrying next weekend....one week to be exact I mean common. It's one thing to life with you while you're planning everything but living with you in your first months as a”, he paused a second “married couple would be wrong. Just wrong” Myungsoo's breath got unsteady, his head started to spin, probably from all the alcohol they dank, he was trying to find the right words, letting Sungyeol know that he wants him to stay, but he seemed to notice. And when Myungsoo opened his mouth , Sungyeol was faster and stopped him from saying anything at all with a simple “don't”. So instead of talking he started to fill the silence with drinking, again.

Myungsoo opened his eyes. It was still dark, the only light filling the living room was coming from the kitchen. He tried to move and sat up, only to fall back groaning. He was still drunk, or tipsy he didn't know, his senses betrayed him at this moment. But he noticed that he wasn't on the couch anymore, but lying on the carpet, even though he can't remember why. And he was next to Sungyeol, he could hear the other breath and he felt the air on face. When he turned around to look at the other his prediction was confirmed. They were only centimeters away from each other. Myungsoo's thoughts wandered back to the day they were studying the cameras in exactly the same position they were now. This day, Myungsoo had the urge to touch him. his cheek and let his fingers run through his hair but fortunately the camera stopped him from doing so. Those feelings he had this day were creeping him out and he was afraid of them. Yet he didn't even know exactly what those feelings were, he just knew that there was something, which never belonged there. But now in this moment, being so close to the other once more with all the alcohol he drank and no cameras around he couldn't stop his own actions. His hand reached for Sungyeol's face, his thumb caressing his check lovingly, before with one swift movement he the others hair out of his face. Myungsoo's gaze dropped to his lips and he remembered the feeling he had when he saw them turn into a smile for the very first time. And he wondered, what it would feel like to kiss them when they could already turn him into a mess with a smile only. He leaned in, slowly, because he was afraid. He was only millimeters away when Sungyeol opened his eyes, startling Myungsoo in his actions. His hand was still in his hair and it was so obvious what he was intending to do. He was already trying to pull back, embarrassed and ashamed when he felt Sungyeol's arm sneaking around his waist pulling him closer never breaking the eye contact once. He showed him that he wouldn't back out but he also made clear that he wouldn't be the one intending the kiss. It was Myungsoo's decision. His and his alone if he would lean in, taking a taste of the forbidden or not. And Sungyeol was waiting for his decision calmly. And he decided in this second, that it would be the last time that he would do something so risky like this but he simply couldn't stop himself for leaning in closing the last gap between them, their lips finally meeting in the softest and sweetest kiss he ever shared with anyone.

The first thing Myungsoo noticed the next morning was that Sungyeol wasn't next to him. The second was his aching head. He needed a few moments before he managed it to get up. Third, the living room was as neat as before they started drinking. He stumbled his way into the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water in the same moment Sungyeol entered through the main door. A blush creeps on Myungsoo's face as he remembered the kiss from last night. “ Oh sleeping beauty is finally awake. I'm so sorry for last night, we overdid it a little there with the alcohol. I barely remember anything. I got you a coffee to make up for it. You probably feel as ty as me.” He laughed and handed Myungsoo the coffee who didn't knew what to feel in the situation. How could he have simply forgotten about the kiss? Myungsoo's heart still beat faster when he thought about it, how was it possible that the other felt nothing. Myungsoo never got a chance to say something because the front door opened again and Eunji entered, he totally forgot about her last night and a bad conscious replaced all his thoughts about Sungyeol. “Myungsoo~ I've missed you so much” there were only second before she came over and pressed her lips at Myungsoo's. Sungyeol heading to his room the last thing he saw.

So here he is. The guest behind him and the woman in front of him expecting an answer. His gaze wandered to Sungyeol, the kiss still lingering on his mind and suddenly he felt so insecure about everything. Though, it wasn't so sudden Myungsoo noticed. It actually started with the first day he met Sungyeol, he just tried to push the thoughts aside. How could he possibly marry Eunji when only a kiss shared with Sungyeol gave him more feelings than he had in their three year relationship? But he decided, he did long ago, when he asked her the question, and he decided again, when Sungyeol forgot about their kiss. “I....” another glace at Sungyeol and Myungsoo's heart stopped. He had his eyes shut close, head in his neck and it seemed like he was shaking his head slightly, almost as if he was praying for this not to happen. When Sungyeol looked at the front again, his eyes teary, their gazes met. Myungsoo, understood the pieces finally fitting together. Sungyeol indeed was against this marriage, because on the way he fell in love with him. He lied about the kiss, he remembered it as clearly as Myungsoo did. He remembered but he lied because Myungsoo was engaged, because of all people he was marrying his sister. With a shaking voice, still starring at Sungyeol he let his heart speak, finally “I....I am sorry...” he gathered up all his courage and looked at the girl he once thought to spent the rest of his life with. “I am Sorry Eunji. I...I can't marry you” And then he left, not daring to look at a single person, Eunji screaming something behind him but he couldn't hear a thing. He was truly sorry, he wanted this girl to be the love of his life and it tore him apart to hurt her in the worst way possible but he had to. He just had to.

It's been two months since he left his..ex-girlfriend at the altar and he still felt like the worst person ever to exist. He hadn't seen her, nor him since then. And he felt even worse that all he was thinking about was her brother. He got a message yesterday the she would come over today to get her stuff and Myungsoo felt more than nervous to see her again. When he heard the front door opening he was already waiting for her. He was afraid to see her I a bad state, but she looked completely fine. A quiet “Hey” left his lips and she eyed him weirdly. He was wearing black shorts and a plaid dress shirt. Without a word she started to collect her things.

“I”..”don't Myungsoo. Just don't. I don't want to hear you're sorry. What you did was unforgivable. Do you know what it feels like being left at the altar in front of all your family and friends? I thought you loved me? It was you who asked me, I never expected from you to ask me to marry you at such a young age. You did this. I never thought you would suddenly chicken out or... or stop loving me. So no I don't want to hear you're sorry. But I want to hear why you did this!”

Frustrated he ruffled his hair. He couldn't tell her. This would hurt her even more “I...I can't Eunji. Please believe me when I say that it never once was my intention to hurt you but I can't tell you”

She scoffed. “Are you kidding me? After all you put me through you want me to ask myself how this could have happened for the rest of my life. Are you insane? Do you think I would be okay with this. Saying oh yeah fine, alright, live well? Well then you don't know me well enough. I won't leave before you tell me what's wrong.

Hours passed like this. After she packed her things she wouldn't stop screaming at him that she deserves to know. Due to the lack of response, she started to throw with things raging around, crying. Myugsoo himself was on the edge of crying, the tear pricking his eyes. She was standing in front of him since five minutes repeating “please tell me so I can live” over and over again and he knew that he shouldn't tell her but his walls broke and he couldn't stand it anymore.

“.... …..Sungyeol” it was only a whisper, but loud enough for her to hear. The room was drop dead quiet, Eunji's sobbing stopped immediately. Myungsoo was looking at her, her face getting redder with each second. A moment later the room was filled with the loud sound of a slap, Eunji hit him as hard as she could. He felt how his cheek got hot and started to burn but he deserved it. “I'm Sorry Eunji. But please don't be mad at your brother. It's not his fault” she hit him again and started to scream again “not his fault? Not his damn fault? Myungsoo! Sungyeol IS gay! He dropped the bomb on us 5 years ago. I can't believe he did that! I might not be the most loving sister because I can't accept that he's a fagot but after all he is still my brother! I never once thought that he would actually lay his dirty hands on my fiance. He totally played me! He played us! I can't believe you actually fell for it. It's disgusting. He is disgusting and you are disgusting. I had enough faith in the both of you, in him that he wouldn't do anything inappropriate and I never in my life would have thought that you were able to feel something for a man.” she slapped him for a third time, turned around, grabbed her things and left, but not before throwing her engagement ring on the ground, spitting on it.

….........................................................................It was the last time that he saw her in his entire life.

It has been weeks sine Eunji rang his doorbell. Months since he last saw Sungyeol. He felt so stupid for missing him. He shouldn't. There wasn't even hope for them from the beginning. What was Myungsoo even expecting?

He looked around, boxes everywhere. He would move out, start again. He had an appointment today to discuss whether he gets the new flat or not, but he wasn't to hopeful. It had been his sixth flat b now. Finding an apartment in Seoul was hell. He played with the thought of moving away but there was still this tiny piece of hope on his mind.

He was so lost in thoughts that he didn't notice that someone opened the door. He only turned around when he heard a barely noticeable voice saying “she is my sister, Myungsoo”

His heart beat painfully against his chest when he saw the face he longed for the most. Sungyeol looked troubled, insecure but Myungsoo didn't dare to even say a word.

“You hurt her, a lot! Why didn't you just marry her? Was it that hard to just say yes?”

Myungsoo didn't know how to react. He wanted to kiss Sungyeol, senseless, telling him that he would have not hesitated to say yes if it were Sungyeol standing in front of him. But he didn't. He only continued looking at him.

“You should have married her. I feel so bad that I ruined your happiness, I should have not interfered. I,I,, I should have caged my feelings better. From the first moment I saw you I should have decided to stay away. I promise, it wasn't my intention to ruin your life. I should have stopped you when you wanted to kiss me. I was so selfish. I thought I could forget about all this if only for once I could know hot it would feel like. I...I....” that was as far as he came because in the next second he was trapped in Myungsoo's arms, bringing their lips together. Myungsoo noticed how Sungyeol hesitated to response, but Myungsoo wasn't willing to let go of him again. And then, barely noticeable Sungyeol kissed back.

“You didn't ruin my life. You saved it. And you saved me from ruining yours. How could I possible marry your sister when in exactly this moment I feel more than I ever had in my life? I am sorry that I am asking this from you, but please... stay with me. Let us try and forget about the past together.

This time it was Sungyeol who initiated the kiss. And Myungsoo knew that this kiss only meant one thing: I do