End
Waiting
a/n: Raw and didn't being edit. English not my first languagae but still hope you can understand what I try to tell here. :)
The darkness of the room didn't even make the soul that silently lay on the crouch fear of any scene that might happen. It's quiet without a sign of movement and the body didn't even move even one finger. She just stare at the door, waiting for someone to barge in and hugs her tightly, telling her that everything is okay and he's back. She shouldn't worry about anything and they life was just great without any disturbance from anyone.
That didn't happen though, her eyes still didn't leave that door and she didn't even know how long she lay there. The last time she remember, the day still bright and it's chill. Her friends were coming that day but she still didn't even move and just stare at the door after feeling excited when those door being open. But she fall on the couch once again when it's not the face that she want to see when it's open.
It's being two or three months but he still didn't call him or anything which make she can't help but to cry every day, each minutes and hours. The tears already dried and she feel like a lifeless body with nothing come to her mind beside him. She always remember about him. Always, even when they are together but now. She can't stop thinking about the others.
Slowly she get up from the couch and sighed before winced as felt really dry at the moment. Again, slowly she get up from the couch but almost fall again if she didn't hold onto the couch to balance herself. She deserve that, who told her not to eat for these few days. Everything is her fault. Even the reason of him leaving her, must be her fault too. She always thought that and she sure about that which it's hurts more.
Chaerin went towards the kitchen to grab some water and food so that she can strengthen her body again. After a few gulped, the glass slipped from her hands and shattered on the ground when her eyes saw a sign of 'free hugs'. Those memories come back hunting her once again. The memories of how they start to get close with each other and how all of it's begin.
"Hey! Let's make a bet! Let's do some free hugs and whoever get the first hugs wins. The lost of course have to do something for the others!" he suggested that when they were talking together and doing nothing in the corner of the cafe where there's nobody can recognize them.
"You know that I always wins this, don't you?" she says teasingly as patted her head proudly.
"I'm sure I will win and you will never got the chance, mister!" she say as sipped her drinks for the last time before get up when saw Seunghyun already at the counter.
"Where are you going? Wanna find a place already?" Chaerin kept asking since the other didn't say anything except smile with those smile that can melt her heart or any other girls who saw it.
"Just follow me and you will know, weirdo." he say playfully as pulled her along while get out from that cafe and end up in another cafe that had a lot of arts material.
"Now now. Why are we even doing in this place? Did you want to draw something or what?" she asked absentmindedly while looking around even though he told her to stand by his side.
"Told you we will have a 'free hugs' contest, don't we? Take anything that you want suit for yourselves and make the sign of course." he didn't even spare her a glance as he pull the other's collar to make she stand beside him.
"At least let me search it for myself, you stupid. I know I'm beautiful but that didn't mean you can keep me by your side. Geez.." honestly they always like this. Joking here and they without mind what others will thought about it.
It's something that Chaerin love to do, teasing him but at the end, she's the one who will be the victim of his teasing.
"I don't want this beautiful girl to be taken away from me. That's why you should stay by my side, understand?" he give her that innocent smile while their face just a few inches from each other.
Her faces already blushing which make her pushed the other's face harshly and a groan can be hear before a she can feel something sting on her forehead.
"Now go fast and let's meet outside!" he glares at her before turn around with his things which she didn't know when did that guy grab those things.
But what she knew is that she really saw those playful smile on his lips when he turn around and went to pay for the things that he grab early.
They end up exchanged the sign even though he make a nice sign than her but he didn't seem mind about that. Seunghyun end up winning and asked for Chaerin to buy him a dinner before they went back to their own dorm and didn't meet a few days after that since each one of them busy with their works and schedule.
There's nothing for her to do at the moment and all of the schedule already end a weeks ago which she try to act like there's nothing happen. It's a relief actually, at least she can let her mind wander for something else other than him.
The clock is ticking and it's already one o'clock in the morning but Chaerin can't sleep, like always. There's a paper of newspaper on the table which she decided to read, maybe can make her sleepy a bit.
But the news that she's reading at the moment make her realized why she hate reading those newspaper. It's being months but they still talked about 'HIM'. They sure stop for awhile but it's continue when there's someone who saw 'HIM' in France but now it's Barcelona.
He sure traveling around the world but nobody knew why he disappear just like that right after he decided to not being a part of Big Bang or Yg Family anymore.
Chaerin felt sick in her stomach and without she knows it, she already run towards the toilet and let out everything before leans against the wall while holding onto her tummy dearly. She rubbed it and caresses it with a bitter feelings before a stains of tears come out and spill down on the floor.
She's pregnant and it's his child but of course he didn't know about it. It's being five months now but it's invisible to others eyes and she still keep it as a secret from the public.
There's time when she want to kill 'it' but she knows, it's really a stupid decission if she really did that. Moreoever, she already fall in love with that child right after he hears the news about it.
The Yg Family already knew and each one of them silently supported her decission. Even Mr. Park try to console her and always visit Chaerin whenever he's on off day. They are close and Chaerin already thought him as her own father. It's a heartbreaking for him to see she being like this but he knows, that there's nothing he can do except stand by her side and give her the strength that she need.
At first, it's not easy for them to accept the news but with Chaerin condition make them thinks it's better if they didn't say or make her do something stupid, which maybe a bit inhuman.
The thought that she will give birth in four months, alone, make her heart aches. It's not a pleasant way and this child will make she thinks about him. But still, at least she will have a company for her to learn how to love again and not feel afraid about it anymore.
Slowly she stand up and washes before went to lay on the couch. It's become her favorite place lately and the scenery of the night can be seen through the big windows which she purposedly open the curtain wide.
"Sleep...We..I should rest for you. You are my love. The one that I will and always hold dearly close to me. Stay healthy and strong since I will do the same," she whisper as close her eyes, slightly sniffed before wipe the tears that still streaming down. She let her hands rest on her eyes that still closed and try to sleep.
A rest is needed and she should not think about negative things for her child own benefits. But who she is kidding about? Those thought will never gone and his face always inside of her mind. She had told him that she love him more but he decline that and say he is.
She didn't know about this moment since what she is sure about is that she love him even though she were in this kind of situation. Lost and still waiting for something that she didn't know will back or not.
"What did you mean that we can't meet again? What did you mean that I should distance myself from you? What kind of ..." all the words that she try to say didn't come out just like what she wants.
The other's request was hard for her to understand. Why and what the reason that she should stay away from him? She never did anything wrong to him but Seunghyun seem like thinking otherwise.
"No..You didn't do anything wrong but I will," he mumbled while looking other place, try hard not to look at her when he knows perfectly how the other look at this moment.
"What are you talking about? Tell me..don't run away anymore. Did y-you know how hurt it is? Being treat like s-some invisible person in front of you?" those words sure a success enough to make Seunghyun to look at him. The way he look at her is the one what make she felt guilty when saying all those words.
There's a tears can be seen around the corner of his eyes, seem like he's holding himself from doing something that he shouldn't.
"I can't be near you. I got a lover already, Chaerin. I can't carve for you when I already got someone by my side," his voice trembling like he's afraid of something. Afraid of feelings that he shouldn't have at the moment. He stares at her but close his eyes tightly, he carve everything that belong to her and it's wrong but in the same time it's feel so right.
"I know. Didn't I say that I'm okay with that? Friends..be friends with you is all I need. Please let me stay," she begged him for letting she stay by his side. She know that it's pathetics but there's no way she can let him go just like that. Being far away for a minute already make she choked her own breath.
"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I SAY? I ALREADY GOT SOMEONE! BUT YOU BEING NEAR ME..IT'S HARD! IT'S HARD! I WANT TO TOUCH YOU! TO KISS YOU! HOLD YOU EVERYTIME, EVERYDAY! What should I do, Chae? What had you done to me?" the sudden outburst from Seunghyun scared her a bit but those tears that stream down his face make Chaerin come closer to him.
She crouched down beside Seunghyun who look like a mess while leaning against those cold wall. She didn't say anything and just hold him tight in her embrace. He just let her do that since he need her. He need her to hold him like that even though his mind say that it's wrong.
"It's okay. I'm understand. I will wait. No matter how long it is. I'll wait since I can't live if it's not you," those words were a whisper but Seunghyun can hear it clearly.
They stay like that for a few minutes, crying together for the relationship that they never start. A relationship that close than a friends but didn't know what's the end of it.
A relationship where she love him but he's with someone that even he didn't sure if he love that person more than her or not.
A complicated relationship that they never know how it's start. You can say that it's a mistake but for her, she know he's the one that she can only love until today.
"Chae! Here I bring something for you!" the sudden bright light and tone awake her from her deep sleep. She try to sit up but being push down by someone who keep nagging about something she can't even hear due to the sleepiness that still in her.
"Silly, Chae! Who say that you can get up like that? You have to remember that your pregnant right now. Seriously this girl," her eyes slowly focused on the person that trying to help her sitting slowly.
Her tummy is slightly bigger than before. It's left two months before her due and her friends always make sure to check her every morning before they went for their schedule.
"Dara unnie. I can do this myself, you didn't have to be worry anymore." she say, slightly chuckled as rubbed her eyes while trying to stand up and starting her daily life for the day.
"How can I didn't worry about you? You always do hard work. You need to take care of that baby of yours!" Sandara keep nagging while helping Chaerin went to the toilet while waiting outside but still talking with her like usual day.
Sandara is the one that always there for her and keep coming whenever she got some extra day. She even had try to move in with Chaerin but the later didn't let her, saying that she will have two things to take care of and she didn't have the strenght to do that anymore.
The other keep nagging about Chaerin live alone but still respect her decision with an condition that Sandara can visit her whenever she can.
"The due still late, and I didn't do the things you had told me. What need to worry about more?" Chaerin just shake her head as get out from the bathroom while drying her hair and went straight to the kitchen.
Her step was heavy and slow but there still a smile on her face whenever she rubbed the big bump on her tummy. Sandara see that and can't help but to smile quietly while following her leader to the kitchen.
"I brought a lot for today so you can just choose anything you like, kay?" Sandara happily take out everything and prepare everything for Chaerin without care about the glare that being given by her leader.
"Why bring a lot? Are you want me to get fat or something, huh?"she jokingly ask while take a toast before having a bite.
Chaerin seem stable these days and Sandara really happy to see this bright side of Chaerin. She didn't want to see the sad Chaerin and each time she saw the leader, she always beat Seunghyun in her head with some evil plan if ever she meet that man again. IF! Until that day come, she will keep beating him inside of her head.
"Jiyong oppa and Taeyang oppa will come today. They want to see you and your baby today. They say that they miss you and it's being awhile since you meet last time," Sandara say those words carefully since she afraid Chaerin will be sad when hear something related with 'him'.
"Okay! But when? I should prepare. Still didn't want to see my messy side," she say cheerfully while thinking about her house, afraid it will be too messy when the guys come later.
"At afternoon? I'm not sure but don't worry! I will help you with the house so just rest, kay? No schedule for today!" Sandara explain quickly and make sure Chaerin eat everything before start her duty. Chaerin didn't like when Sandara do something like that but she never can make her stop whenever she start doing something.
The day goes smoothly and Chaerin cheer up more when Jiyong and Taeyang really come that afternoon. They have a small talk before having a lunch with each other. Chaerin felt happy that her friends care about her but she only smile whenever Jiyong aproached her, trying to make she smile whenever he can.
Chaerin knows that Jiyong always cares for her and Sandara even say that he has a crush on her. Chaerin just smile and shake her head at that, she still can't forget. She still can't let anyone enter her heart at the moment and maybe in the future too.
She still waiting for him to come back.
Everyday she prays, even though she knows that action were really cruel, she can't help but to keep praying.
'Please...please...please...separated them..break them apart...make her leave him...make he realize who truely love him...just please...make them hate each other.'
She never stop and seem like her praying be hear by HIM. They really break apart and she really hate him. She didn't know what happen but she felt happy when she knows about that.
She want to smile brightly when he appear in front of her house with that sorrow face. It's hurts to see him like that but she can't help but felt happy. He went to her. He come for her comforts. She really happy. She's too happy that she forget she already with someone at that moment.
With that thought strucked her mind, she froze when Seunghyun hugging her. She forgot about the date she were having for that day. She's forgot that someone were waiting for him.
She forgot that she slowly start to love someone else beside Seunghyun. Now that Seunghyun already in her embrace, she can't help but to fall for him again and let that person who waiting for her keep waiting.
Without much thought, slowly she make Seunghyun enter her house and let he sit while her went to the kitchen to make some drinks for him.
Her thought were full with everything and when her phone was ringing in her pocket, she remember about that someone who still waiting even though she already late for few hours.
Those sudden warmth wrapped around her waist make she stopped her movement. She almost spilled the drinks but quickly stay calm again. She can felt those wet tears on her neck where he's currently nuzzled into.
For hundredth's time that day, she forgot everything and just stay with Seunghyun until she can see that he's slowly get over the situation he were having.
She thought that she can stay with him for a long time after that but again, that person who were waiting for her come and want her for himself. Chaerin don't want to hurt that someone, Jiyong, the leader of Big Bang, her best friend and most importantly, a member group of the one that she truely love.
Jiyoung loves her and she knew it since the other willingly to let go someone that want to be by himself just to be with her. That time, Chaerin were in pain but Jiyong come. Just like that, he heal her heart step by step. But, seem like those wound completely heal when Seunghyun the one who come to her.
She look at Jiyong with a regret. A regret that she use someone as nice as him so that she can forget someone that she can never forget. Just like that, he understand and without saying anything he hugs her and say that he always there if she need anything. Jiyong always there beside her and knew everything but she still can't love him like she do to Seunghyun.
She don't know how it's happen and she can't even forgive herself for saying those words. Seunghyun found someone else and this time, Chaerin felt really useless. She felt like she being used which maybe it's true...or not she don't even know anymore.
"I don't love you anymore. I hate you. Just go with her. Just please...go," that words even surprised herself. She stared at Seunghyun in horror.
She want to take that words back but she can see how angry the other were. Seunghyun just turn around without looking at her ever again and come out from that door while Chaerin felt something stab her heart painfully in a slow motion.
She try to talk the other again and try to make it like never happen. She can't and never want Seunghyun to go away from her. Those words just come out and she can't even stop it.
Again, she prayed that his relationship will never success. She hope that it will turn like his previous relationship. That it will break down and they hate each other or something that can separated them from each others.
Like a miracle or maybe the universe really love her? Those relationship really end after a few weeks she having a fight with Seunghyun.
They meet each other accidentally in a cafe and Chaerin almost kneel in front of him saying that she's really sorry.
"I'm really sorry. It..it's just come out before I can stop it. I never meant what I say before. I..I still love you, in fact! I never stop loving you," she can only whisper that words while looking deep inside of other's eyes. He only sighed before stand up and leave her alone inside of those cafe.
"Let's just..stop seeing each other for awhile..." that's the only words she hear from him before he leaves and she just stared into nothing until being chased out from the owner. It's late and the cafe has closed long time ago. She still didn't want to go home, make a decission and she take a walk towards the nearer park.
There's nothing in her mind at that moment and she really thought that's the end of they story.
"Are you sure you want to move now? You can move after you give birth to your child, Chae!" she can see that concern look in her members but she had make a determine to move so that she can make a new memories when she give birth to her lovely child.
"I can't wait anymore and more over, that place seem really beautiful and it's a shame to let it empty just like that." she say while put her things inside those boxs. She can't help but to keep smiling when she holding those small shirt that she will put on her newborn baby. She still didn't let the doctor tell what gender her child is.
"I want it to be a surprised" is what she says everytime her members or other co-workers asking her the questions.
"But really! How should I visit you again after this? It's far, you know? That place almost look like a jungle. Well, I admited that it's a nice place to stay but still!" Chaerin can't help but to chuckle whenever one of her members grumble and keep saying that they worry about her since she will be far away from the city live starting for today.
"I told you that it will be only a few months, right? It's not like I will never return. My job still in this city, silly," she say again, can't help but to feel happy. She don't know what happen to her lately, but ever since she knows about her newborn baby, she can't help but to feel happy.
It's true that she's not that stable a few month earlier but right after she saw those tiny fingers and small feets, she can't help but want to stay healthy for her child.
She remembered that she almost eat everything on the table right after return home from the check-up. Her mother almost scold her for being greedy but smiles when saw her daughter return to her old self.
She saw her mother cry silently that day and that make she being more determined than ever. She want to stay a new life and this is the way.
"All ready! Let's see our new house, should we, my love?" she whispered while rubbed her tummy lovingly.
No matter what happen after this, she want to stay strong. At least for her family and for the new life that will born into the world in one month.
In one month, she's sure that her life will change completely, in a good way of course.
She thought everything will end just like that but no. They keep encounter with each other and it lead to something that she never expected but excited with it. WIth the time flies by, they become comfortable with each other again and it's normal for them to stay or hangout in their house for how long they want.
It's always be her the one who confess her feeling towards other but that day seem so different. She didn't even realized a thing when he come that particular day with a flower in his hands.
She thought that he had another partner or maybe someone for him to confess again while leave her hanging alone. But she's wronged. She's half right about the confession part but she never knew it's actually for her.
"I love you from the start. I know that I keep making you hurt by be someone else lover but I want you to know that I never love them as much as I love you. I know that I'm an idot but please let me be the one who heal your wounds now. Let me be the one that love you like crazy without thinking about this world. Please let me be the one who you can hold on and stay by your side. Please...let me be the one and the only one who love you, forever?"
At that time, Chaerin can only stared at the person she love all this time. There's too many emotion come at once. Angry, happy but most importantly is that, there's no more sad or hurting feelings she were having while loving the same person who proposed to her this night while kneel down on his knee.
She can't contain her feeling and end up crying before hugging the other tightly, didn't care that they still stand in front of her apartment where everyone can see. Those happy feelings that she's having can't be describe no matter how hard she try to.
It's felt unreal but she let that passed and enjoying the moment while being hugged by someone that she truly love. It's true that Seunghyun keep hurting her all this long, but she still forgive the other no matter what.
The one you love, love you back. She can't ask anything more than that. What else can she asked? Nothing!
She really hope that she never lost him until the day she die. He's too precious and she can't thinking straight if he really gone from her life.
The happiness last long, but it didn't last long enough when he decided to leave her without a note or warning.
It's been a few days since she being discharged and she being given a handsome boy. Her newborn is so pretty and resemble him a lot. But Chaerin can't help and keep kissed his forehead lovingly. She loves this boy too much that she already forget everything happen in the past or in front of her.
She just too immersed with her son that she didn't realized there's her family and her co-worker keep smiling while looking at her. Chaerin look so happy and it's actually a beautiful picture for others.
The nurse and even the visitor keep glancing at her whenever they passed her ward. She still young but completely shine whenever she held her son.
Those gentle smile and a gentle hummed of the song make people can't keep their eyes from her. Chaerin keep smiling and her smile never fall since the day her newborn life in the world.
"Welcome to the world, my love. Welcome, to see the world. Let me love you with all my heart. Don't worry about anything since I'm always here for you."
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