Man in the Portrait

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REVIEW

MAN IN THE PORTRAIT

Reviewer's Notes

Please excuse any grammatical errors. I'm too lazy to check them out before publishing. Comment once you've read this! Thank you :)

Title (3.5/5):
I like it. It is simple and straightforward. The title you had chosen reflects contains of the story and readers can easily tell the main point or idea of what they will find out throughout the story just by looking at the title alone. It isn’t a rare title, but also not a commonly used one. Perhaps you can change it into something more stunning and beautiful – an extraordinary one. I would have given you some thoughts for this but please excuse my slow working brain – I couldn’t think of any suitable title for now. But it is good enough, to be honest. It’s not particularly attracts me into your story, however, it gives a vibe.

Appearance (4/5):
I wouldn’t give many thoughts for appearance because I don’t think it is an important aspect to be looked out for as long as it is neat and not messy. So, your poster is great. It matches the concepts of the story well, and it fits the genres too. The font used is also tidy and clean. To put it simply, I’ve got nothing to say here. The appearance is satisfying, though I would like to suggest you to use different font, and maybe changing the size of font as well? Just make it a little bigger, in case some of your readers have problems with their eyes?

Alright, I’m joking. It is well done. Congratulates!

Foreword (6.5/10):
Erm… I think you spoiled your readers too much. You actually tell them quite a lot about the plot of the story in your foreword! When I first started reading, I’ve got many questions inside my head. But then, you answer it right away. You gave too much of what will happen in the future. I’m not saying it’s wrong, but it kills the fun. I can guess the ending from it.

Well, here is some advises. First of all, I think you shouldn’t mention their names. Like, you should let your readers wonder who’s truly in the portrait. You can manipulate them and think of ways on making it sou

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Comments

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yifannie #1 Feb 19, 2015 07:11:42

Chapter 1: OMG I DIDN'T REALIZE I WROTE TOO LONG I AM SO SORRY.

/clears throat. So, about the grammar, yes, I'm quite weak at this section. It's hard when I don't speak and use English that often in my daily life, so it's difficult for me to convey this story in other language that is not our main. I'll ask my beta to fix any of the mistakes, and I know there's a lot, but I just don't know where did I do wrong here ;_;

So, thank you so much for taking your time, for the insightful review, I learnt a lot from this. I will try to improve myself to write better in English, because through writing, I improve little by little when I practice. I kind of had a strong grip of the basic of English when I was 18, and I'm still learning how to improve my English. Thank you again, Fera. I will credit you in the moment. ^^

yifannie #2 Feb 19, 2015 07:06:26

Chapter 1: Hello, Fera ^^ First off, thank you so much for taking your time to finally read and review my story, and I really appreciate your work here :)

Uhm, let me start on the title first. Tbh, there's a lot of other titles that I intended to put as the main one, but then Idk how but Man in the Portrait came at last when I almost finished writing the second chapter. So, I couldn't think of any other title that suits this story the most because my brain can't also work well these days OTL. Secondly, some of the reviewers also thought that the font is way too small for their liking, and I did notice and aware about that. It's just that, when I set the font to a bigger one, it turned out to be quite big to my liking? OTL I maybe sound selfish for not thinking about my readers, but I think that the font that I'm using now is quite okay? HAHA.

And uhm, about the foreword /sighs. I'm really bad at writing description as well as the foreword. You said that I'm good at those but when it comes to these two, I just can't work my brain, like I would always spoil the story too much when I'm not supposed to. So, I've changed the description like you said, but it's not a good one. I'll ask my beta for the suggestion. So, thanks for reminding me about that ^^

Moving on to the plot, I'm so glad that you like it. I mean, I'm really afraid thinking that this story might not suit to your liking. I have to clarify something here, um, Mr. Byun didn't really have a conversation with Chanyeol, I mean they did, but it's actually Mr. Byun talking to himself and he didn't know that Chanyeol was actually replying to him. You know, like Chanyeol cakap dalam hati sebenarnya so that's why I italicized the words because those are only Chanyeol's thoughts :) I was thinking about that too, about the dream, because some of my readers were getting a bit confused about the dream so I might have to explain about it later in my next chapters. Thanks for the suggestion, uhm, I might apply it in my story ^^