It was in the middle of a soccer game when Jinyoung was close into winning. He glanced at his teammates and nodded knowingly that he can make the ball swerve into the goal. He waited for Sunwoo’s assistance and when Sunwoo passed him the ball, he had no idea that it would be his last time standing in the field, joining his teammates, and playing a sport.

He aimed to kick the ball but his legs betrayed him and he stumbled on the ground, on his back. He lied there frozen and saw an opponent snatching the ball from them and gaining another point. He would’ve just get on his knees and continued playing but he can’t feel his legs. His body started to get warmer and his legs started to feel like lead being dug on the ground. He had to let a loud wail to get everybody’s attention.

Sunwoo knelt beside him and looked worried.

“Hyung, are you okay?”

“I can’t feel my legs, Sunwoo. I can’t feel my legs!” He bawled and the referee had to stop the game to call for medical assistance. His coach rushed towards him and assured him that everything will be fine. But he knew he wouldn’t be, not anymore. He felt his legs betraying him, and that was just the stupidest thing that had ever happened to him. He thought that he’d rather die right now than not being able to play anymore.

—

It was in the late evening after he was rushed into the hospital had he learned that he’s diagnosed with Multiple sclerosis. He was asleep and drugged when the doctor conveyed the message. He was unconscious when his parents wept endlessly that night because they worry about how their son will take it and start anew. He was oblivious that night that what he predicted, when he fell in the middle of the game, was undeniably the reality now.

The next morning, he threw the vase on the table beside him and sobbed uncontrollably. He had to quit soccer, he had to quit the sport he’d spent his entire life with and it pained him deeply because soccer is his life. It is as if, life had quitted on him.

Sunwoo and the rest of the team would pay visit once in a while, give him gifts and encourage him that he can still make it work. But multiple sclerosis isn’t something you can cure with rest and sets of medications, because MS isn’t curable at all. There is no known cure and Jinyoung feared that this is his end.

He would always shut himself out of the world. He would stay inside his room because there’s nothing he can really do. He had to cut off sports, had to home school and had to part from his friends, because MS had taken control over his body—limp, useless and weak.

—

It was his first year in college when his mom barged inside his room and asked him to go home early after class because they have a meeting with someone who can help him with his MS.

He simply nodded and left the house after placing a kiss on his mom’s cheek.

He had taken control over the grief and depression, slowly, at least. He finished high school through homeschooling and took tests for college. Luckily he made it, and his team had a party for him because he’s now a college student. Sunwoo even gave him a shirt form his favourite soccer player. He smiled but deep inside, he doubted if he can still make it back, with MS dragging him behind.

They went to a fancy restaurant and settled themselves in a table somewhere in the centre of the edifice. He fixed his shirt and quirked his eyes when a man of his same age approached them and greeted them. He had to be of the same age, Jinyoung thought to himself as he bowed low and his parents greeted him cheerfully.

“I’m so sorry for being late,” the man said and Jinyoung eyed him carefully. He’s wearing a big framed glasses, neat crisp shirt under the black jacket suite and his hair is wonderfully long for a boy.

“It’s all right, we just got here a couple of minutes ago too,” he heard his mom said and he stifled a fake smile.

“You must be Jinyoung,” the man said and he nodded before accepting the handshake.

“My name’s Shin Dongwoo, but you can call me Shinwoo,” he said before adding, “I’ll be your new coach.”

He blinked in surprise and Shinwoo smiled at him fully. It was so angelic and lovely Jinyoung can’t stop looking at him the entire dinner time. And even before they had to part ways, Jinyoung didn’t fail to notice the dreamy smile Shinwoo had casted to him, he must have been dreaming.

I’m Shinwoo and I’ll be your new coach. These words kept on running in his head until he lied against his back and recalled every feature of Shinwoo. He wondered how can Shinwoo help him with this hell of a sickness. He sighed and closed his eyes.

—

It was a few days after their dinner meeting that he’s all dressed in his running pants, rubber shoes and parka and waiting for Shinwoo at the park they’d agreed to meet. A few blocks away from his house.

He figured that this Shinwoo person doesn’t know the importance of time because he’s already 10 minutes late. Jinyoung settled on one of the benches and scanned through the place to see the man’s he’s been waiting for. He was closed on going home when a man, already soaked with sweat and hair tied in a high ponytail.

“Sorry, I got here early and thought about warming up, then I got sidetracked with an old lady—“

Jinyoung cleared his throat. “Look, should we get starting?”

Shinwoo nodded before letting an apologetic smile and they start running a few meters in the park.

This is one of the effects of MS and he cursed at Shinwoo who’s kneeling beside him. He had only run a few laps, two at that, least to say, when he felt a burning sensation in his legs and he couldn’t feel the pavement or the soles under his feet. He continued running but tripped onto a pebble on his way. He wouldn’t have tripped if he saw the pebble but it just made his package even more severe because MS destroys his senses and basically his entire system.

“I told you this would !” Jinyoung scowls, tears staining his cheeks. He hated the idea of doing sports, of running of everything that concerns life because he has no life at all to begin with. He just agreed with his parents because they seemed happy when he said yes. And he didn’t even know why he’s tearing up because he tripped, gaining so much attention from everyone else who were running with him. He can’t even face Shinwoo who’s actually concerned for him.

Of course, he should be concerned. This was his idea to begin with.

The burning feeling in his legs seemed to fade after a few minutes but the numbness lingered still making him completely useless. “I can’t feel my legs.” He croaked and Shinwoo nodded before leaning closer and wiping the tears off Jinyoung’s face. Jinyoung blinked in surprise and Shinwoo only smiled as he faced his back to Jinyoung and instructed him to wrap his arms around Shinwoo’s neck. He half-heartedly obliged and let Shinwoo carry him against his back.

He wasn’t so sure how to react, whether to lean his head but that would just confuse them both. So he just stayed upright, his head, slightly bowed down just to avoid the gazes from people. They were silent as Shinwoo fixed him comfortably on his back, and he just stared at his legs, hanging lifeless in Shinto’s arms.

They went home to Jinyoung’s house and his mom was flabbergasted when she opened the door. Jinyoung was settled down the couch and he only glared at the smiling face of his coach. Jinyoung’s mom offered snacks but Shinwoo refused and opted to leave. Before he stepped outside, he turned to face Jinyoung and Jinyoung looked at him confused.

“You did great today, let’s meet again next Saturday. Same time, same place.” Shinwoo said and Jinyoung just stared, while his mom did the responding.

Jinyoung slouched and bit his tongue. I did great? All I did was to let you carry me and I did great? He scoffed as he loosened his parka and let air cool down his body. Jinyoung didn’t know how to answer that.

—

It had been their weekly routine to run around the park, add lap one after the another. Jinyoung struggled most of the times but he managed. His senses sometimes knew the best of him and betrayed him but Shinwoo would still encourage him, reward him with a pat and every time they’re done running, Shinwoo would always carry him on his back. Jinyoung would always feel embarrassed about it because everyone looked at them curiously and he hated that. He hated attention. He hated their gazes because he knew he’s being judged with his weak he is. And sometimes he feared that they sometimes think they’re a couple but they’re not.

One Saturday, after running 6 laps successfully and tripping down yet again, Jinyoung refused to be carried. Shinwoo looked at him taken a back but hear him out, nonetheless.

“I can—don’t carry me anymore. I can do it.” Jinyoung said, as he massaged his legs and rolled his pants up to his knees. His legs are burning painfully and terribly, he just wanted to rip them off. He had done this before, when he suddenly froze in his room because he got those leg attacks and felt falling because he can’t stand still.

Shinwoo watched as Jinyoung pressed his shin and leg muscles as if trying to shoo away the spasms. He stayed silent, can’t help but stare at the face of persistence right in front of him. He smiled to himself and got up. Jinyoung looked up at him, annoyed but still determined to walk on his own.

Jinyoung almost gaped when Shinwoo dashed off. Great. Now you’re leaving me. So much for being a coach, huh?

His legs are still burning and he’s almost near tearing up again when Shinwoo came back after a minute carrying a later of bottled water. He let out a frustrated sigh and was surprised when Shinwoo knelt before him and poured the cold liquid on his legs. He froze and slightly the tingling sensation of ease replaced the burning numbness.

“If you incur attacks again, and you’re out or not with me or alone, you can do this.” Shinwoo told him as he let the coldness install down his legs. He actually felt relieved and it made Jinyoung smile a bit but it was quick. Shinwoo just fell silent as it disappeared. He didn’t know that this would’ve been helpful.

“Every time you experience relapse, just try doing things that you think might ease it. It actually works.” Shinwoo explained and Jinyoung looked at him with intent. He stopped massaging his legs and planted his palms on the ground. Shinwoo sat beside him and pressed a bottle of water in his face. Jinyoung accepted it whole-heartedly and took a sip.

“What are you taking in college?” Shinwoo asked and Jinyoung looked at him.

“Music. That’s the only thing I can do now.”

“So you used to play soccer, yeah?” Shinwoo pressed and Jinyoung nodded before handing the bottle back.

“I was the team captain, since MS happened. But I love music too ever since. I just find happiness in running too, you know. The air brushing against your face. The bliss.”

Shinwoo smiled and finished the bottle before kneeling down and facing his back to Jinyoung. He gave himself a pat on the back and Jinyoung shook his head.

“I told you, I can walk. Didn’t we relieved the pain already?”

“I know but I’m your coach, I know that even after the cool bath, your numbness is still there. So don’t argue, come on. I’m hungry.” Shinwoo cooed and smiled behind the frame glasses making Jinyoung slightly embarrassed and feel his cheeks heat a bit.

“And if you’re worried with your weight, don’t You’re as light as the feather,” Shinwoo chirped as he pulled Jinyoung and Jinyoung obliged, wrapping his arms around Shinwoo, their shirts slightly dry and sweat finally wiped off their skin. Shinwoo linked his arms in Jinyoung’s legs and they walk back home.

He didn’t mind the stares they received from the people. They were still silent during the walk but Jinyoung slowly felt at ease with Shinto’s back pressed against his chest. Somehow, his dream of running and enjoying sports are slowly coming back. And that maybe, he enjoyed a certain man with glasses’ company, and he’s loving it.

—

It was in the middle of summer break when Shinwoo came knocking in his home, hair puzzled and glasses perched unneatly on the bridge of his nose. He’s finished freshman year and planning to major in guitar and minor in voice. Shinwoo smiled at him and he nodded before letting his coach in.

“I made it.” Shinwoo told him and he looked at him with confused eyes.

“Made it where, exactly?”

“The track team wants you in their team.”

The track team wants you in their team. He blinked for quite a while and eyed Shinwoo who’s seating across him. Him? The track team wants him? He saw his coach’s beaming face and slowly the face got blurry and he felt his tears staining his cheeks. He cursed that MS had caused so much trouble in him and had turned him into an emotional prat. Shinwoo looked at him surprised and approached him.

“Don’t you want it?” Shinwoo asked, trouble in voice.

Jinyoung shook his head and hiccuped a few before looking at Shinwoo with a smile.

“Thank you. I mean, I just…Thank you.” Jinyoung replied and Shinwoo smiled as a reply. Jinyoung latched himself to Shinwoo and Shinwoo hugged him back.

That night, he invited Shinwoo over dinner and Shinwoo obliged willingly, enjoying Jinyoung’s mom’s famous spicy rice cakes and ramen noodles. They talked about the preparations and how he need to fix his schedule for trainings and camps. His parents retrieved for the night and Shinwoo promised to leave before the night deepens.

It was a peaceful and enthralling evening until Jinyoung blinked at Shinwoo because he never knew that Shinwoo was also a college student just like him. They went to the living room and feasted on some juice and cookies.

“I thought you had your face done, to look you know…young?”

“I don’t wear glasses because I’m old. I just happened to love literature and been sticking my nose through books ever since.” Shinwoo explained and Jinyoung felt a blush on his face for thinking that his coach is some old man.

“So where are you studying?”

“I go at the same school with you. We’re of the same age but I’m a year older. Accelerated back in grade school.”

“But why don’t I see you in the campus? Our campus must’ve been really big!” Jinyoung brawled, “You’re smart. I get that already.”

“What are you studying then?” Jinyoung asked as he offered Shinwoo cookies from the tray.

Shinwoo grabbed a piece and munched on it as he leaned in the couch, “Sports Science.”

Jinyoung nodded as he bit in his cookie and they continued chatting, exchanging fun facts and stories about school and their majors. After a few more cookies, Shinwoo opted to go home, and Jinyoung guided him towards the front door. Shinwoo stepped out and turned to give Jinyoung a quick yet tight hug. Jinyoung looked at him surprised. He didn’t know what to do but thankful that Shinwoo broke the hug quickly and smiled at him. He waved and said his goodnights earning a sweet goodnight in return.

When Jinyoung closed the door, he leaned against it and placed a hand on his chest that’s been banging like crazy.

—

It was one of those training days that he felt like killing himself and cutting his legs off totally so he won’t run and won’t feel the depression MS would always cause him. He ran like mad, the usual number of yards when he tripped on the rubber flooring and scratched his elbows.

The senior coach and head professor asked for assistance, instructing some students for water. Jinyoung turned to his back and saw Shinwoo kneeling beside him.

“I can’t feel my legs. I can’t feel my legs.” Jinyoung groaned, his shirt, soaked in sweat and cycling hugging his thin thighs. Shinwoo pressed Jinyoung’s hair back and looked at him with care.

The head professor asked everyone to continue running. The team should be used with this right now but they just can’t help but stare and feel bad about Jinyoung’s case. The senior coach tracked on their speed while Shinwoo poured the contents of the cold water on Jinyoung’s legs. Someone approached them and handed him a bottle of Gatorade.

“I can’t feel my legs, Shinwoo. I can’t feel my legs.” Jinyoung croaked agonizingly. His face all covered with sweat and his body, red with heat. Shinwoo folded his right leg so Jinyoung is leaning against it and opened the drink. He pushed it in Jinyoung’s mouth and cautiously assisted Jinyoung to drink.

“I know. I know. Here have a drink.” Shinwoo told him as he parted his lips and took some blue drink in his mouth.

These are those times when he wanted to give up. He held onto Shinwoo’s hand and looked at him with such grief.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Jinyoung croaked, tears threatening to fall. “I can’t do this hyung. I can’t.”

Shinwoo looked at him and pressed, “Please. I don’t want this anymore. Please. I can’t.”

He was expecting an answer shot back at him but Shinwoo fixed his position and knelt before him, his back facing Jinyoung. He was expecting Shinwoo to fight back and talk about dreams, hopes and encourage him but instead, Shinwoo pulled him on his back and linked his arms under his legs. He was expecting an angry Shinwoo but Shinwoo smiled after nodding lowly and walked off the field, with Jinyoung on his back.

Jinyoung felt bad but he doesn’t want to continue something that will just cause him so much pain.

—

It was during Christmas break when Jinyoung had finally the guts to step out of the house, unless he needed to go to school. He wore his rubber shoes and a thick shirt and jogging pants. It’s been months since the last time he saw Shinwoo and never did he had the strength to check back on the team and try running again. It would just break his heart.

He walked towards the park they used to run at and looked at the empty space before him. He felt the cool wind brushing his cheeks and he wondered how it lonely it caused to him. He tried a few steps and decided to walk a few meters, surely it won’t hurt.

He’d never done running alone and the idea itself is futile for someone who has MS because once the body temperature rose, the nerves falters and fails to function properly causing the body to turn numb. And he’s just lucky to feel it again.

He tripped down and tried to get up but the span of not running for quite some time had caused his legs to numb worser and he cursed in his head. He scanned around to look for people but found none. What made it even more impossible is he hadn’t brought a bottle of water with him. He arched his back and rolled his pants up, massaging and letting the cool wind touch his legs.

“Here let me help you,” Jinyoung heard a voice and he snapped when he saw Shinwoo kneeling before him and pouring ice cold water in his legs.

He didn’t know how or why but he just bursted into tears and surely it wasn’t because of his spasms or the attack. Shinwoo looked at him surprised, but leaned closer to see his face.

“It’s all right, you’ll be okay.” Shinwoo cooed and Jinyoung latched his arms around Shinto’s neck.

“How are you?” Shinwoo asked as he smiled and ruffled Jinyoung’s hair.

Jinyoung didn’t answer but continued sobbing. Seeing Shinwoo after months of hiding had made him realize that he actually enjoyed going back into sports, his sports. He enjoyed Shinwoo’s company, running with him and being carrie by him. When MS came to his life, he thought it was his end but he never have known that Shinwoo would bring it back to him and not being able to see Shinwoo had made him realise what a total bummer he had been.

“I’m sorry.” Jinyoung croaked in Shinto’s chest and Shinwoo stayed silent.

“I miss you.” Shinwoo told him and Jinyoung pulled away to press a kiss on Shinwoo’s lips. Shinwoo smiled and kissed him back.

That night, Shinwoo stayed over for dinner and they planned out everything again.

—

It was in senior year when the team picked Jinyoung to represent their college for a competition. He was the fastest runner in the team and the senior coach had always approved of him.

He looked to his sides and found students, bigger and taller than him, all pumped up to beat him. He saw Shinwoo by the railing, his hair brushed behind his ear and smiling brightly at him, motivating him to win. He nodded and once they heard the whistle blow, they dashed as quickly as possible, outrunning their opponents.

Jinyoung kept a wonderful pace, stayed in the middle, maintaining a pace.

After the first curve, he began to feel his legs numb and grew hot. He winced a bit, because it felt like running without actually feeling the legs. He glanced at his side, watching the other runners, panting and breathing heavily as he continue to run like mad.

20 meters left and he paced up, trying to outrun everyone and without doubt, he would make it.

At the end of the line, there is Shinwoo standing behind the finish line, smiling brightly at him. He closed his fist and raised an arm when he reached the finish line first, making the ribbon fall. Everyone cheered and his other coaches celebrated through hugs and embraces.

Jinyoung was oblivious of what’s happening because the next thing he need to do now is stop but because he can’t feel his legs, he doesn’t know how. There’s no pebble to trip over or bench to run through and he can feel his heat worsen every step.

He was surprised when Shinwoo crouched before him and he closed his eyes because he will definitely crash with Shinwoo.

Shinwoo opened his arms and let Jinyoung slumped on him. Jinyoung leaned in and heaved out a heavy breath.

“I can’t feel my legs. I can’t feel my legs. Help me Shinwoo, help me.” Jinyoung gasped as Shinwoo lifted him in his arms. Jinyoung leaned his head on Shinwoo’s chest and looked at Shinwoo who’s half smiling and half worried.

“Did I win?”

Shinwoo carried him till they reached a spacious spot and laid him on the grass. “You did great. I am so proud of you.” He said and Jinyoung placed a hand behind Shinwoo’s neck. He smiled with closed eyes and pulled Shinwoo for a quick kiss.

Shinwoo smiled as he poured water in his legs. He pressed a bottle of Gatorade in Jinyoung’s lips who took it willingly.

—

It was two years after graduation when Jinyoung and Shinwoo decided to purchase a house by the sea and get jobs within the town. Shinwoo conducts training in the town’s elementary and secondary schools while Jinyoung teaches music in the state college.

In the mornings they would run from both ends of the shore and on their way back, Shinwoo would carry Jinyoung on his back who’s now leaning closer, wrapping his arms tighter and pressing soft kisses on Shinwoo’s cheeks every time.

He had lost his life twice because of MS and despite the sickness, he managed to have it back coated in Shinwoo’s dedication and love.

“Thank you,” Jinyoung chirped as they walk back home, the sea water playing chase in Shinwoo’s feet.

Shinwoo smiled and fixed the man in his back, “What for?”

Jinyoung smiled purely and hugged him tighter, “Because you came.”