There are many conventional ways to get the undivided attention of your crush. Kim Jongin does two of them, concurrently.

One is you make a mess of that person; pull that person down until he is at the same level as yours. You try to make them broken, desperate and a loser to lessen the gap between you and him. The second option is, you pull yourself up, you trudge your way up there where that person would recognize you as someone worth of their attention.

♥

The first time Jongin did stupid things to Kyungsoo was on their sophomore year. It started with constant teasing; Kim Jongin became the new definition of “mean” to the elder.

“Your rebuttals aren’t that substantial; your team won the debate because your voice was just loud.”  Kim Jongin told him after dismissal. He didn’t miss the offended look on Kyungsoo’s eyes and Jongin started to regret what he said, but he continued anyway.

“The affirmative side could’ve pushed back one of their arguments, but your tone became annoying, it became a little bit intimidating so your side won.” Right, because Jongin didn’t know what he was saying, damn it, he knew Kyungsoo is great at debate, hell he was really convinced with the elder’s arguments and oh did I offend him too much? He finds it adorable whenever Kyungsoo frowns.

Oh please, people are mean to the people they like.

♥

Sometimes it all boils down to immature name-calling, snow white, small guy, nerd, geek, nerd, nerd, stop.

“Hey chubby cheeks,” Jongin smirked alongside his friends’ laughter. Kyungsoo sighed, he just wanted to lose his hearing ability whenever he hears that familiar, annoying voice.

Do Kyungsoo grit his teeth. He started packing his things from his locker and went out of the shower room, but an arm stopped him. Kyungsoo wanted to punch that ugly smug face Jongin was sporting.

“Are you still mad? I said I was sorry.” He grinned towards his friends, proud that he got the elder talk to him.

“You spilled your drink on my shirt, you did it on purpose.” Jongin’s hand was swatted away.

“That’s a strawberry drink; strawberry is your favorite, right?”

“You wasted it.”

“I thought it would be funny.”

 “Embarrassing me on purpose? You’ve been doing this for months, what did I ever do to you?” And just like that, Kyungsoo walked away again. Seeing the latter walk away from him hypes him up because the way Kyungsoo walks is y and damn that .

Jongin sighed dejectedly at his friends’ laughter.

“An immature way to get noticed, indeed.”

“Shut up, Sehun.” Jongin washed his face in the sink and the pitiful look Chanyeol gave him made him feel pathetic.

“He didn’t wear the shirt you gave him though.” Oh right, he saw Kyungsoo wearing a shirt different from what he offered.

“I can’t believe he didn’t wear it, that’s Gucci, for your information! No one refuses anything from Gucci.” Jongin pulled his hair out of frustration.

“Well except if you’re an idiot.” Sehun lazily bumped into the door frame.

“Don’t call Kyungsoo an idiot. I guess he just didn’t see the tag.”

“But everyone loves Gucci.” Chanyeol said as he pats Jongin’s shoulders.

♥

The constant mean gestures continued. Fortunately for Jongin he still shared classes with Kyungsoo in their junior year. Jongin grew taller, but Kyungsoo’s height remained petite. The latter went smarter, and Jongin’s goal remained the same.

Junior year had them worrying more of their future. They started to test out waters to know what they really wanted to be, although they had one more year to worry about the real thing, all of them wanted to aim high for their high school is giving out scholarship in the University of the Arts Seoul.

“Soo, please just please go out with us this weekend, the group misses you so much.” Jongin didn’t want to eavesdrop but he saw an overly excited Baekhyun bugging Kyungsoo while the latter was on his way out of the room. Jongin wanted to stand up but he hides anyway because he saw his crush, and he must know everything about his crush.  He remembers Sehun’s words “Kim Jonggay”. He convinces himself that he is not gay; he’s just selectively gay for Do Kyungsoo because the petite male is so squishy and cute and his luscious lips are so inviting ugHH.

“I need to study for the quizzes next week.” Kyungsoo didn’t look like he was going to change his mind.

“Are you still worrying about that scholarship thing? Hey, you know you can do it, you’re one of the smartest people in your class.” Baekhyun said as he helped his friend carry those thick chemistry and calculus books. Kyungsoo doesn’t respond to his friend’s assumption.

Jongin carefully crouched down, making him walk awkwardly with knees open as he followed the two in the hallway. He couldn’t afford to be seen by his man crush because he just went out of dance practice and he smelled disgusting. Ew. Princess Kyungsoo’s nose must not smell anything bad. His cute nose is too delicate.

 “It’s just the beginning of Junior year, why don’t you want to relax a bit?”

“I’ve told you many times, didn’t I? I’m not really confident in my ranking, plus,” Kyungsoo’s cloudy mood switched to a daydream look, “don’t you want to live in the city in the future?” Kyungsoo smiled at Baekhyun.

Kyungsoo never smiled at Jongin.

Living in the city with Kyungsoo, Jongin’s mind flashes imaginations of him and Kyungsoo, juxtaposed in a backdrop of sparkling city lights, and maybe after years they would be living with cats, dogs, or maybe with kids. Hah, it’s too good to be true.

“Okay so if you are going to Seoul then you’re going to leave me.” Baekhyun pouted as they turn a corner.

The reason why Jongin imagined him and Kyungsoo, together in Seoul was that Jongin was sure that he himself was qualified for the scholarship. He’s the dance prodigy of the school, anyway. Everybody in their batch knows that he’s qualified for the dance program the University of the Arts offers.

Jongin had formulated this plan since their sophomore year. He would make Kyungsoo fall in love with him before graduation and they would continue their love story (Kim Jonggay) in college. He will be facing the dance courses and Kyungsoo’s going to sing his way up to the music courses. Maybe their beginning is what people would not be fond of, but their love story will blow people’s minds. And he thinks of adopting kids, in the city, in Seoul. Perfect plan.

♥

 

 

 

 

 

 

Kyungsoo wasn’t bullied at all. Everybody in his class likes Kyungsoo, the only one bullying him is Jongin, and with Jongin’s handsome and proud psyche, he became influential.

It was the third week of the classes when Jongin had put glitters inside Kyungsoo’s bag. So when Kyungsoo pulled out his note, silver sparky things rained on him.  Everybody that saw the petite male’s hilarious reaction laughed at him, and because Kyungsoo sat right around the center chair, his teacher joined the laughter as well. The glitters were mixed with the pages of the book, even on the edge of his bag so the spillage was on its maximum.

Kyungsoo ran his way out to the nearest men’s room, his class’ laughter still ringing on his ears. He contemplated on whether he should skip all the rest of his classes that day or he should borrow spare clothes in the clinic. No, Do Kyungsoo wasn’t going to cry. He’s not a baby.

He breathed hard as he washes his face, his arms, hair, everything. His clothes were wet, his breathes were sharper, he didn’t’ know why, maybe he was tired because he ran so fast, or maybe he was becoming tired of Kim Jongin.

“Instead of washing your arms, why aren’t you punching me?” Jongin knew Kyungsoo had heard him. He stood against the door jamb as he watches Kyungsoo desperately trying to take off everything silver in his pale skin. Only the sound of spilling water, rubbing hands in arm and sharp breathes from the elder were heard.

It was deafening. The fact that Kyungsoo’s face was calm but his breathes were sharp had annoyed Jongin even more. The guilt was eating him open but he didn’t apologize anyway.

This is the most nerve-wracking thing; Jongin always makes a mess of Kyungsoo but the other does nothing bad in return.

“You could kick me, say bad rumors about me or even curse me, but you never did.” 

Kyungsoo turned off the faucet and walked past Jongin. The latter was waiting for a reaction, any reaction, a frown, a disgusted look, a yell but it never came.

Kyungsoo didn’t attend the rest of his classes, and the day after that.

♥

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

oh no princess kyung is mad at me wt shud i do aklsdjaslka (︶︹︺) ಥ_ಥ

idk i don’t want him 2 be mad at me i don’t want him 2 hate me (✖﹏✖)

pls wake up L help (◕︿◕✿)

i;m so sad i want 2 die (◕︿◕✿) v(ಥ ̯ ಥ)v

Jongin couldn’t sleep so he sent his best friends messages. It’s 2 in the morning so he wasn’t really waiting for a reply. He was awake until 3:30 and he had classes to attend to at 7.

“As if Kyungsoo’s not mad at you from the beginning.” Chanyeol told him as the three friends sat on the dance studio in the afternoon.

“Chanyeol’s right, he’s not mad at you, you just went down below his level once again.” Sehun added fuel to the fire.

“Level negative 50.”

“Level negative 100.”

“Guys you are not helping.” Jongin buries his face in his arms. Jongin didn’t want this. He’s so stupid to think that he would get his princess kyung’s undivided attention by being mean to him. Why was he doing this anyway? To make Kyungsoo not know that he likes him? He’s acting the opposite way because he feels uncomfortable with his true feelings?  Maybe he doesn’t want to show his vulnerable side, he’s afraid of rejection, anyway. Nobody wants rejection. 

He felt dejected. He crawled down and buried his body on the floor. I want to be alone, leave me alone in this grey world of rejection, where the sun never shines, let me cry for centuries.

“ Sehun we lost him.” Chanyeol feigns concern. “Earth to Jongin?”

“Good thing, Jongin, please pull your head up on your .”

“Leave me. Alone.” Jongin  whispers. Oh no what about his perfect plan Kyungsoo we still have kittens to  adopt we will kiss in our college dormitory pls don’t be mad at me

“. Jongin seriously, you don’t have the right to feel depressed and all that because you’re the one who messed everything.” Sehun had a point. Jongin felt himself being pulled up by Chanyeol. Great, he needed to listen to his best friends’ lecture.

“But he rejected me.”

Chanyeol laughed so hard.

“He rejected you? When did you even tell him your feelings?” 

Oh.

“You’re just coward, that is not how we raised you, Kim Jongin, don’t expect him to magically know you like him, wow dude how can you be so dumb.”

That afternoon he stayed late in the practice room. He had find pleasure in the solitude he’s in whenever he vents out in his dance. If Jongin has a thing that he could put above Kyungsoo, then it’s dancing, although it’s still debatable.

On that 4 hours of dance practice he had realized many things. What if he tries to pull himself up to Kyungsoo’s level? He had noticed that Kyungsoo likes befriending smart people. Kyungsoo would like him, and Jongin’s grades would go up, it’s a win-win situation.

Jongin was desperate for Kyungsoo’s attention. He’d do everything. He wanted Kyungsoo to smile at him the way Kyungsoo smiles at the student council president. He wanted to feel or to experience the way people feel when Kyungsoo asks about assignments, whenever the latter wasn’t sure of his answer. He wanted Kyungsoo to trust him the way he trusts his friends. He wanted a chance with Kyungsoo.

It came to a point where Jongin had finally settled and knew his feelings for the man. He doesn’t crush Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo is not his crush. But he likes him. There’s this big difference.

Crush is the person that perfectly fits your standards for a partner; you don’t have necessarily to date them. A crush is what your mind seeks. A person you like doesn’t necessarily have to be your crush, but that person is the one you want, you need to be in a relationship with. A person you like is what your heart screams for.

 

Basically, you can have 5 or 10 or hundreds of crushes, but person/s you like should be narrowed down to 2 or 1.

He really really likes Do Kyungsoo.

♥

Of course, Jongin couldn’t be smart in just a transition of a day or two. Jongin started to make his standards for grades high, saying that just a passing grade isn’t enough. It took him weeks, months to lessen his useless social interaction with people he didn’t like to hang out with. He lessened his computer games (it wasn’t that easy, really because Jongin was born a gamer) but the only thing that remained constant was his dancing. His dancing schedule didn’t change.

His improvement in academics was finally starting to get noticed by his teachers. The transition was hard, but Jongin enjoyed it. Of course Jongin still wasn’t in the top 10 of their class but he made his way to the above average level.

Was he still bullying Kyungsoo? Yes. But it was lessened by like, 50 or 70%. It went down to incidents like tapping the petite male’s shoulder and running far without being seen.

One incident, the class was talking about horror stories and Jongin compared Kyungsoo to a white lady because of his pale skin. “No offense Kyungsoo but you resemble a pretty white lady.”

Another incident, Kyungsoo was about to reach the farthest book in the top shelf in the library but Jongin beat him to it. Height problems. "People with adorable and cute height are not allowed here."

Another incident, Kyungsoo was sleeping with his head down on his arms and when he woke up he saw his moles in neck connected by a blue ink that formed a constellation. "I'm sorry but your skin is so white I can't help it."

It was around halfway of the Junior year when Jongin was shown of his greatest achievement due to his change of habits. He got called by his Calculus teacher to be recognized as the one who got the highest score in the exam.

It was embarrassing, but it felt good. His cheeks flushed red. His whole class was clapping at him; he saw Sehun and Chanyeol, proud like two mothers. It was his first time, feeling like this. Smart people like Kyungsoo are used to this kind of feeling, probably.

“So what happened, what made you change, Mr. Kim?” His teacher asked him in front of the class, as his teacher asked him; he was reminded of a pair of cherry lips and owl eyes. He looked at the class, at Kyungsoo, and back at his teacher.

“I am inspired.” He answered nonchalantly.

He felt vomiting because it was his first time saying a cheesy line in public, and he knew Sehun and Chanyeol were going to for that. He heard screams of girls, blatantly showing their ty affection for him. He refused to look at Kyungsoo, afraid to know the latter’s reaction (if he had any) but nevertheless, he felt proud.

The gap between them was lessening.

♥

Jongin learned that Kyungsoo has his fair amount of fanboys, saying that the boy has cute adorable eyes blah blah but Jongin knows he’s the only one that likes Kyungsoo on the same level as he does.

Jongin learned that Kyungsoo is ticklish. His most ticklish spot is his right side of the waist. Jongin wanted to test it.

On a break in between subjects he pretended that he was just busy listening to one of Kyungsoo’s group study sessions. They were talking about OILRIG or something. Jongin was standing behind where Kyungsoo was sitting, discussing about oxidizing agents, the group was surprised when Kyungsoo shrieked and laughed. It was the first time Jongin heard his name from his princess’ lips, although it was in a form of scream, it was lovely.

A week after, Jongin decided to speed up his game. Although he was nervous, he made his way on Kyungsoo’s table.

“Hey.” Jongin awkwardly waved his notebook in front of Kyungsoo. The latter was confused because hey is the most decent thing Jongin has told him up to that time.

Kyungsoo didn’t respond, his eyes and eyebrow perked up from his phone (he was playing tetris) and Jongin chuckled.

“I-I’m not going to hurt you okay. I just, I just wanted to ask something about our homework in Chemistry.”

holy frick frack I am speaking to almighty  kyungsoo aksdjalksa

Jongin maintained his cool demeanor.

Kyungsoo didn’t say anything but he sat up straight, he put his phone down and Jongin took it as a queue to sit down beside the guy.

Jongin took note to tell every single detail about Kyungsoo to Sehun and Chanyeol later. sweet darling baby honey cheeks you look cuter up close.

“I got to answer the 2^nd, 3^rd and 4^th questions, you see, I’m having a hard time in the 1^st and the last.”

Kyungsoo’s smooth, pale neck was distracting. Kyungsoo smelled like lemons, probably he used lemon-flavored shampoo. His arms were smooth, maybe he puts lotion twice a day. Maybe he used a baby lotion, that’s right, baby lotions are for babies, and Kyungsoo is his bab-

“The 1^st question has the same pattern as the 2^nd.”

Kyungsoo sent him a judging glare. Jongin awkwardly scratched his head.

“Oh, but the pattern stopped right here.” He reached and pointed across the table and damn I am invading his personal space yay.

“You just have to apply a reversal method.” Jongin took a second to think and when he looked as Kyungsoo’s eyes, he felt stunned because it was so surreal that he had an eye contact with Kyungsoo up close.

“And for the last one, the pattern was mixed up, it is a complicated problem.” Kyungsoo opened his own notes and Jongin was shown of a neat handwriting.

After the ten minute session Jongin thanked the other and he was suddenly yanked by Chanyeol.

“You were lying, I was listening to your whole session.” Jongin was a bit confused but he was enlightened after.

“You just needed to ask the last problem you ing whipped Jongin, you easily answered the 1^st prob-“

“Shut up.” Jongin covered the other’s mouth before Kyungsoo could hear it. Chanyeol was right. Kim Jongin was totally whipped.

A day after that, and the day after that, Jongin was seeking for Kyungsoo’s help, sometimes in Chemistry, sometimes in their elective class.

“So where is the joke?” Kyungsoo asked him one time.

“What?”

“I’ve been waiting for it. Where are the glitters, when are you going to tickle me? And why aren’t you poking my moles?”

Jongin was taken aback. Was this the image of Jongin Kyungsoo had in mind?

“I-I’ve changed, and I’m sorry for all those things, really.”

“Great.” They continued talking about how Egyptians made the first pyramid.

♥

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The junior year was close to ending. Jongin was once again shown of his greatest achievement due to his change, but this time it was much bigger, because Do Kyungsoo was asking him for help in their Calculus assignment.

“So Snow White, since I helped you in this assignment, I guess I have the right to ask for your number.”

“For what?”

“Because I have many questions in Chemistry, so I could text you anytime.”

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes but he gave his number anyway. Jongin really likes Kyungsoo’s sass.

Jongin learned a few things from Kyungsoo since they exchanged numbers. (1) Kyungsoo likes dogs. He knew this because Jongin had texted him subjects not regarding academics, but when the subject is about his dogs, Kyungsoo was the one initiating the conversation. (2) Kyungsoo goes to sleep every 12 midnight. “wat that’s so l8 u shud sleep at 10 or 11” “I need to study more.” “u sleep so l8 but ur cheeks r still chubby” (Kyungsoo didn’t reply to that).(3) Kyungsoo dreams of studying in Seoul. They have talked about the college subject on a late night. “I want to study in Seoul because that’s where my dream is, and that will make my parents happy.” A guy that loves his family. Really a husband material. Jongin thinks of his perfect plan with Kyungsoo once again.

He hoped that Kyungsoo regards him as one of his friends, Jongin would be glad, but he wanted to be more than friends.

♥

Kyungsoo had once again asked for Jongin’s help in Calculus. Jongin’s heart fluttered as he thought of something in return.

“So since you asked for my help, maybe you should accompany me after dance practice on the way home?”  Jongin grinned as he examined Kyungsoo’s unexplainable expression. He hoped he wasn’t bothering Kyungsoo, but he was not going to take no as an answer anyway.

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes.

“Why are you always rolling your eyes?”

“Is it because you need someone to save your when a ghost creeps you at night?” Kyungsoo’s face showed amusement.

“Maybe I will be the one doing the saving.” Jongin grinned as he noticed a little pink tint on the other’s cheeks.

Although Jongin wanted to spend whole 2 hours on the dance studio, he didn’t want Kyungsoo to keep waiting so he packed up after the first hour. He didn’t expect Kyungsoo to really sit in through the whole hour of the session. He was a bit shy, because he knows he cannot please everyone, but he hoped Kyungsoo likes his dance.

Oh my god, he would walk home with Kyungsoo by his side, but he just came from the dance practice so he smelled disgusting. He contemplated whether he should take a shower but no, it’s bad for the health and most shower rooms were already closed. , he was going to be a major turn-off.

“Uh Kyungsoo, do you mind if I take a shower on the other side of the campus? It’s just a 5-minute walk away from here.” He stood up and walked towards Kyungsoo but he maintained a good 2 meters.

Do Kyungsoo’s eyebrows were mad. Kyungsoo was frowning.  What? Maybe he doesn’t want to wait for too long.

“I’ll be really quick I promise.”  He nervously spoke, and it made him guilty since he was taking too much of the other’s time.

“Didn’t your mother tell you that showering after dancing is bad for the health? I am not allowing you to take a shower.” Jongin was relieved. That meant Kyungsoo was fine with him being sweaty. He suffered a 5-minute lecture from Do Kyungsoo but it was fine, Kim Jongin was honored to hear that honey voice.

“Don’t be conscious. Why are you so far away from me, I don’t smell anything bad.” Kyungsoo chuckled.

 “Do you need to be straight at home right now? I know this awesome Chinese café.”

“Nope, I’m hungry.”  Great. Jongin was saved from the nervous offer. This might not be their ideal first date but Jongin is going to assume that this was a date anyway.

It was awkward. Jongin felt awkward. The silence was deafening. Maybe he regretted offering Kyungsoo a dinner. Kyungsoo was playing tetris again on his phone. And he thought this was a date. Maybe Jongin really smelled disgusting.

It was awkward, because Jongin knew that this whole thing has been one-sided ever since the beginning.

It was so wrong. The way Kyungssoo wrapped his lips around the chopsticks was frustrating. And the moans Kyungsoo lets out after swallowing a portion was not helping. It was so wrong. He imagined how those cherry lips would look good down there, wrapped around his-

“Jongin why aren’t you eating?”

“Oops sorry.”

Every Tuesday and Thursday was Kyungsoo’s Vocal training. Unknown to Kyungsoo, Jongin had changed his dancing schedule to add up those days so that he would spend more time with Kyungsoo. Their “dates” were of the days after their respective practices.

One-sided dates. Sehun told him the other day.

Jongin hoped that somehow, Kyungsoo developed even a bit of liking for him.

♥

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was the beginning of senior year. Finally, they could slack off, one year to go before they could go away from the hell that is high school.

Some people were bitter, because their teachers had taken them for granted, did not listen to them when they thought of something worthwhile to talk about. The seniors were a bit emotional over the start of the school year but the group of friends remained the same. Baekhyun was clinging to Kyungsoo while entering the room. They have not seen each other over the summer break. Video calls and texts were made regularly, but those did not suffice. Jongin still missed Kyungsoo.

Right at that moment, Jongin looks at Kyungsoo with the same but stronger determination as what he had on his eyes two years ago. Jongin knew he became a better person because like what he said, he is inspired.

After the first week of classes, one afternoon, Jongin was skipping his steps; he looked for the person who had him looking forward to his future.

“Kyungsoo!” He barged in on one of the music rooms. There he saw Kyungsoo on the center of the room, looking so small, so fragile against the sunlight. The man was playing a soft melody in the piano. Jongin couldn’t recognize the song but he absorbed it anyway. He quietly  stood beside the piano and he took in the sight he was offered. Kyungsoo was passionately pressing keys his small hands made wonders of how an adorable guy could produce such great music. Kyungsoo looked like an angel. His eyes shut in concentration as he finished the piece.

Jongin was smiling. Kyungsoo was smiling.

“So what brings you here?”

Kyungsoo slid to the right to make room for Jongin. He brought up a piece of a delicate cream paper from his bag. Upon seeing the paper, Kyungsoo gleamed. Seconds pass and Jongin was not speaking. He didn’t know how to start. Something in his throat keeps him from speaking, but he pushed his guts out.

“So, I know this may surprise you but,” Jongin averted his gaze anywhere but Kyungsoo, “I’m glad you gave me a chance to prove myself I could become a better person.”

Kyungsoo laughed lightly and Jongin founded those tidbits cute.

“Why are you so serious right now, Jongin?”

“Hey, don’t ruin the mood!” Jongin lightly slapped the others arms and it was silent again. Jongin took it as a queue to continue.  He felt Kyungsoo distanced himself slightly.

Jongin wanted to apologize for everything, everything that have caused inconvenience to the other. Jongin owed him a lot. Kyungsoo has done so many good things for Jongin, although Kyungsoo didn’t know that but Jongin has a lot to thank for.

“Don’t be flattered too much, but you’re the nicest person I’ve ever met.” Jongin tried the not-so-serious approach.  Kyungsoo scoffs.

“I’ve been waiting for the time that you would yell at me, that you would tell the student council president of my bullying, because you and Junmyeon are close, and that makes me jealous sometimes, but I finally made my way to my goal.” Kyungsoo wipes the keyboard clean and puts the panel down.

“Thanks but I’m confused, I have to go now.” Kyungsoo was about to walk away but no. Jongin grabbed the other’s arm. Jongin wouldn’t let him face his back, not today.

“I was mean to you because I am a coward. I had put up this wall between us because I was scared, that you might find my weakness, and so I pulled you down to lessen our gap. But I guess that it was a failure so I tired the opposite.”

“Please, just please let me go. I want to be alone.” Jongin didn’t listen. Instead he tightened his grip and slid his calloused fingers to the other’s.

Jongin knew. He knew that Kyungsoo felt what’s coming. And the fact that the other was pushing him away before Jongin even had the chance to say the real thing is unfair.

“I made my way up to you. I was desperate for your attention. I hated it because you are so nice, so kind, it irritated me because it made me like you more. You never did anything bad in return. And now the senior year started. I know this is bull, I may not be the best guy you’ve met, maybe I even made you cry, but I want you to know that my feelings have been genuine ever since.”

Kyungsoo humbly distanced himself again, and Jongin felt his heart constricting. It was a painful sight to take, the man he was yearning for years pushing him away, as if everything was wrong.

Jongin felt his selfishness seep in. Kyungsoo was taking small strides back but Jongin continued to take risky steps. Everything was painful. Jongin was looking straight in Kyungsoo’s shiny eyes but the other was avoiding his eyes, as if he was scared.

“I know I might sound selfish but I had envisioned us to spend time in college, in the city together.” Kyungsoo was looking away, the doe-eyes became watery and Jongin got scared because he never wanted to make Kyungsoo cry.

“Jongin, stop. I might fall for this trick.” The way Kyungsoo bit his lip was supposed to be y but it hurt Jongin because he knew the other was on the verge of crying. Kyungsoo’s eyes were so round and so adorable, he looked fragile and so small. Jongin knew that he might’ve scared the boy away in the sophomore year but he was so sure, so sure that this is the boy he would want to make happy for the rest of his life.

“I’m not tricking you, Kyungsoo, look at me.”

“Stop, Jongin, this is not funny. “ Kyungsoo breathed sharply and he finally had the urge to look at Jongin’s desperate state.

“I thought you bullying me was over. What are you doing right now? Cameras are installed around this room, right? Courtesy of you, of course. Please let me go.” Kyungsoo’s mouth was trembling and the look on his face was disoriented. This was all Jongin’s fault.

Just when he thought the gap was closing in. Little did he know, the gap was still as big as what it was in the beginning. They were back to square one.

“See this paper?” Jongin showed the cream paper once again, proud letters of his name printed. “The president gave away the certificates for the scholarship; will you please go out with me and give me a chance?”

Kyungsoo was smiling. Kyungsoo’s precious angelic smile enlightened him, and Jongin was recalling again his perfect plan.

“Our class also received the certificates.”  Kyungsoo’s handsome and cute face was blinding him. His mouth still trembling as he continued his words.

“You were so good, so good Jongin. I’m happy of you, but you disappointed me once again.” Kyungsoo’s smile started to become painful and soon, he was sobbing hard and Jongin was confused.

“This is what you like right? You, you are making fun of me again because I did not qualify to the scholarship.”

Jongin was recalling again his perfect plan.

It didn’t sound right. He recalled his phone calls with Kyungsoo, about how Kyungsoo dreams of starting his career as a singer in a jazz club in Seoul, where the city lights would flicker along the intensity of his voice, about how Kyungsoo wanted to support his family, because his family is what matters the most.

“Kim Jongin, I am so dumb. I am so stupid, I am the most stupid, brainless, airhead person that dreamt of the impossible.”

It was hard to take in, it was impossible. Do Kyungsoo failed to get his spot. Why is life so cruel?

Why do bad things happen to good people?

“The school was only taking 5 smart students in school, and I was the unlucky, stupid one, I fell short, I was the 6^th spot.” Kyungsoo’s legs gave him up and he continued to sob on the floor.  Jongin didn’t know what to say. It was like a cute, obedient puppy being deprived of the toy the dog worked hard the most for to get.

“I am so funny, aren’t I? This is what you want to see, right? Me getting desperate, laugh at me, laugh all you want, call your friends, my life is worthless anyway.”

 Jongin was hurt. Jongin wanted to cry because seeing the person that deserves the best things in the world didn’t get what he wanted, and because Kyungsoo didn’t understand him. It was mentally agonizing. Both cases are distressful.

It was unfair. The world is unfair.

“I’m sorry Jongin but I want to be alone right now.”

Kyungsoo didn’t deserve all of these that are being bestowed upon him.

Jongin stood up and collected Kyungsoo’s arms on his. The latter tried to break free but Jongin was persistent, and he was determined.

“I’m sorry but you don’t deserve to be alone. I can’t leave you in this lonely state.” Kim Jongin is determined. He will accompany the other in this lonely kingdom.

It was almost 10 pm that day. Kyungsoo’s eyes were still swollen. They were walking around the park. They had been on loop since 9 pm. This time, the silence was not deafening, but it was comforting, since both of them needed the healthy silence.

The day had become a challenge, Jongin tried so hard to feed the other but Kyungsoo refused. Hell, he was depressed, alright. Around 8:30 Jongin was proud of himself because he convinced Kyungsoo to eat ice cream.

Kyungsoo stopped Jongin’s train of thoughts as he spoke.

“You said you like me?”

It had been too soon. Jongin didn’t think the other will be the one to bring it up. He nervously clicked his tongue before responding.

“Yes.”

“Are you sure you’re not lying?” Kyungsoo’s inquiries made Jongin breath uneven. The walk was not tiring at all, but he was like a half meter away from the other and it was wonderful, it was amazing how Kyungsoo could switch up Jongin’s sick gay inner self anytime.

“I’m not lying.”

“Did I disappoint you?”  Was Jongin disappointed? No, Jongin is not disappointed of Kyungsoo. But he would be lying if he said that he was not sad. Jongin was disappointed because of the turn of events.

“Maybe all of the people in the world will be, but I’m different.”

“Didn’t you like me because of my brain? Well I’m sorry but there are other 5 smarter people out there. I’m not good enough for you.” Jongin sighed. This is getting out of hand.

“Please don’t put yourself down. Your dream remains the same, it was not damaged altogether. Maybe the easy way was ruined, but your life remains saved.”

“So you’re not really tricking me? So you enjoyed torturing me because you like me?” Kyungsoo’s tone was mixed with accusation and amusement.

“I did not enjoy!” Jongin didn’t have anything to say in defense he felt his cheeks redden (Kim Jonggay), “but yes, okay yes, please believe me.”

“Okay.” Kyungsoo’s response was vague. “Okay” as in yes okay I’m going to date you? or is it okay, just okay if you like me but I’m not going to like you back. Jongin’s not going to ask anyway. What he sees is what he gets. It is okay to like Kyungsoo. Jongin didn’t want to burden Kyungsoo with questions. His recovery is much more important. Kyungsoo is much more important than his love for Kyungsoo.

Do Kyungsoo had never been so frustrated in his life.

That same week it started to dawn on him what had meant that Kyungsoo wasn’t going to study with him.

Bad things happen to good people. Kyungsoo didn’t deserve sadness. Kyungsoo deserved all the rainbows and pixies and all cute stuff. Jongin wanted to spoil him, was it the end of Jongin’s perfect plan?

Kyungsoo had been working so hard for the spot in the scholarship. It had been so unfair. The boy’s efforts were gone because of that damned certificate, it was unfair. Jongin recalled his talks with Kyungsoo about the city, the city lights, city cars, pollution, huge billboards, the city, and their dreams.

People could laugh all the way they want, people could be disappointed at Kyungsoo, but Jongin still sees the boy as the person who brought out the best for him.

It was sad to think about it, how Kyungsoo brought happiness in Jongin’s life but the latter wasn’t able to do anything good in return.

Jongin was determined.

♥

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It had been 2 months since that day.  The sadness was almost forgotten. The two boys continued on with their lives. Baekhyun gossiping the latest stuff with Kyungsoo, and Sehun and Chanyeol playing cards with the bored Jongin.

It was Monday night, 11 pm when Jongin heard strange sound in his living room. The person was banging the door and faint sounds of Jongin, Jongin were heard. The voice, as what Jongin made out belongs to Kyungsoo. 

As Jongin opened the door, Kyungsoo was mad, upset, he pushed Jongin in the shoulders and set his foot inside the house. As much as Jongin enjoyed a surprise visit from Kyungsoo, looking really cute, adorable and frowning, he didn’t understand why the latter was in rage.

“Kim Jongin what the hell did you do?” Jongin closed the entrance door before the neighbor s go mad. Upon facing Kyungsoo he was confused as to why the other went to his house at night.

“How did you know my address?”

“I asked Chanyeol.”

“So… what’s up?” Jongin nervously asked and he recalled the whole day. Did he do something wrong? He didn’t prank Kyungsoo today, did he?

Jongin was reminded of a cream colored paper.

Oh.

“President Han talked to me. Jongin why did you do that?” He finally remembered. Jongin did the thing a week after the news gone by. Before Jongin had the strength to speak, his collar was grabbed by the other.

“You didn’t have to do that. Dancing is so much important to you. Dancing is your life. I’m just a no one. You didn’t need to give up your slot for me.” Kyungsoo trembled.  Slowly tears made its way on his porcelain white skin.

“Y-you weren’t supposed to know. I thought they would never tell you.” It was hard for Jongin to give up the scholarship for the dance program, since he was the first choice of the school, but it was harder for Jongin to take in the fact that his love of his life was suffering.

“I wasn’t supposed to know? I’m going to enjoy my life in Seoul and what would happen to you?” Kyungsoo’s trembling voice was not mad, it was mixed with worry, with sadness that Jongin wanted to wipe out.

“You don’t need to be so cruel to yourself.”

“Your dream is important to me.”

“Don’t waste your dancing on someone like me. You need to reach your dream in Seoul.”

“But Kyungsoo, you became my dream.” Kyungsoo sobbed harder.

“I didn’t take it. I appreciate it, but it belongs to you.”

Jongin wanted to tell Kyungoo that no, it’s Jongin that had to decide.

“Why did you do that?”

He’s finally going to say it; he shuts his eyes, afraid of the rejection, or whatever expression Kyungsoo might show. The words scattered on his mind.

“I think, maybe I’m in love with you.” He felt silence. The silence once again was burning against his sweat. Until he felt warm hands caress his cheeks, he opened his eyes.

“Some people are meant to fall in love, but they are not meant to be together, Jongin.”

Ouch.

Jongin nodded, he started to rub his arms to comfort himself. He didn’t want to cry, but his eyes started to become watery. He nodded in silence.

“I understand, it’s okay-“

“I’m not yet finished.”

Jongin squares his jaw, he shuts his mouth as Kyungsoo breathes in, continuing his words.

“Look, I’m going to move on, okay? Like a man, I need to accept the fact that I’ve lost it. I’m going to get over it, but not today, not tomorrow not soon. I’m going to find cheaper colleges that offer music in Seoul.” Jongin was about to speak again but Kyungsoo was not yet done.

“You’re going to University of the Arts, you’re going to finish the course and you’re going to have good grades, you must be at the top of your class, I will always pressure you.”

Jongin took in everything, although he didn’t understand, but everything was going to be alright. He felt enlightened, he acted on impulse as he started to pull Kyungsoo in his arms and embrace the other. Much to his pleasure, the other didn’t push him away. He felt the other’s hands circle his back.

After a minute he felt Kyungsoo pushing him back in his shoulders. He looked at other in the eyes and Kyungsoo averted his gaze on the floor and Jongin saw his princess once again, looking good, a little tired, cheeks blushing and his princess was the prettiest being in the world.

“J-jongin.” He liked how his name sounded on the other’s mouth. He thought Kyungsoo was speaking too much different from the usual. When did Kyungsoo become a talker.

Jongin hums in response.

“You said you love me?” Jongin tilted up Kyungsoo’s chin. But Kyungsoo stilled in place, eyes still on the floor.

“I do. I love you.”

“May I kiss you?” Kyungsoo fidgets in Jongin’s arms uncomfortably. They are too close. It was too hot. Jongin nodded in response.

Jongin felt the other’s breath excruciatingly near on his mouth, Jongin almost forgot to move his jaw down a little. As their lips met, package of emotions clouded on his head. He felt his emotions mixed with Kyungsoo’s. He nibbled on the other’s softer lips, the desire and passion blew his mind as he presses his mouth deeper. The feelings were too much, the affection was suffocating them, but in a way they wanted to drown with.

The kiss was slow, it was painfully slow, they both wanted to drown in heat; Jongin nibbled his tongue in Kyungsoo’s lower lip to gain access. And it was there, hands on necks, bodies too close.

 ♥

It was agreed upon that yes, Jongin is going to the University of the Arts in Seoul, with 100% scholarship. Kyungsoo had looked for a decent university somewhere also in Seoul, but not in glory with the same as the University of the Arts.

Jongin had formulated this plan since their sophomore year. He would make Kyungsoo fall in love with him before graduation and they would continue their love story (Kim Jonggay) in college. He will be facing the dance courses and Kyungsoo’s going to sing his way up to the music courses. Maybe their beginning is what people would not be fond of, but their love story will blow people’s minds. And he thinks of adopting kids, in the city, in Seoul. Perfect plan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Epilogue:

“Why do half of your boxes contain anime figurines?”

“I’m going to display them there, here and in my bedside table.”

“Jongin, our dormitory only fits two people, with that amount of anime figurines they are going to take up even my bed space.”

“Aw, but I was planning to adopt cats in the future though, or maybe kids as well.”

“Shut up!”

 

_____________________

 

 

 

 

just to avoid confusion: they did not go to the same school, they just shared dorm. thank you for reading darlings  :*