Wonwoo sighed. His eyebrows furrowed and he bit down on his lip.

The answer card was lying beneath his right hand in which he held a pen, the question paper in the middle of the table.

How was he to know the population of Russia? He was horrible with numbers. He knew there were eight billion people in the world, of which fifty million lived in South Korea and nearly ten million in Seoul. But Russia was massive.

Wonwoo settled for answer C. There was a 25% chance it would be the right one and until then, C had barely been correct, at least that’s what Wonwoo thought. He had never really been good at Geography anyway.

The school bell rang not too long after and the teacher collected the answer cards. Wonwoo’s classmates started to chatter and he laid his head on the table. He was so tired and had barely slept a wink. It was only two days left until his audition for a record company.

Wonwoo practiced with a few other boys from his school, who also dreamed of being accepted somewhere and get a step closer to debuting, until late at night. He had been lucky to be accepted into a performing arts high school like this. After not even a month at the new school, it was still weird to occasionally run into actual celebrities at school.

The girls sitting in front of him were talking about how one of them managed to have a quick chat with some boygroup members. Judging by their squeals they seemed to like them a lot. The deeper voices coming from Wonwoo’s right were calmer.

“You remember Haeun? That girl from my former dance school?” one of them asked.

It was quiet shortly.

“Well, guess who she’s going out with now?” he continued.

He sure liked to ask much. Wonwoo opened an eye and looked at the group of five boys standing around the table of his neighbor.

“You mean Ha-eun?” the shortest one asked, using his hands to draw a big wave in the air with each syllable of the girl’s name.

“Exactly,” the one in the chair said and raised an eyebrow.

Wonwoo closed his eyes again. It didn’t interest him much what his classmate thought he’d achieve with her.

Giggles from a boy and girl were heard behind him.

“Do you have time to come study with me today?” the girl asked.

“Actually study or go out on a date again?” her apparent boyfriend replied.

Wonwoo sighed. Why was it that everyone seemed to love apart from him?

I look at you all, see the love there, but I’m lonely as can be.

Once the teacher dismissed the last class, Wonwoo quickly collected his things and left the building. He decided to take a day off from practice. For months, he had come back to school or visited a closeby dance studio after dinner to dance and sing and rap until his muscles burned, the sweat ran in torrents and his voice told him goodbye. That’s when he would write lyrics.

Too much practice could ruin your performance. He was a hundred percent confident by now. A day of rest to get his mind off of things would just increase the quality of his performance, he believed.

As he was waiting for the next bus to arrive, he watched a couple in their twenties being all affectionate towards each other. The man had his arm on the small of his girlfriend’s back, gazing at her face the entire time, while she talked.

Wonwoo felt relieved once the bus arrived and the couple remained at the stop. He sat down in one of the last places, facing a couple in their early thirties taking care of their baby daughter. It was so incredibly adorable and loving how the parents would look at each other every once in a while, it almost made Wonwoo feel sick.

It's the word love. Everywhere I go, I hear it said.

Had the entire planet decided to rub it under his nose that he had no one to love like that?

But he didn’t even know what to look for. He always told himself he had no type, although he always found himself looking at girls with short hair when he was out. Why? He didn’t know either. And he loved girls that smiled a lot. Happiness seemed so attractive to him. So did individuality. Just girls in general, really.

Wonwoo used to picture what it would be like to be at the places he went to with someone he loved. He imagined buying hot chocolates for his date and what they would talk about. Wonwoo had thought of smooth lines he would say, if the situation was right. He had dreamed about all the things he would want to do together with a significant other.

But there he was, all alone, squeezed in between all the couples and nearly missing his stop, being so lost in his thoughts.

As he made his way towards his house, a boy and girl in school uniforms were walking in a bit of a distance ahead of him. They were talking and occasionally he would hear their laughter and then the girl would lightly shove the boy’s side.

Soon they disappeared around a corner and Wonwoo was all alone on the street. He looked to his left, his gaze going just slightly downwards. Wonwoo smiled, as if somebody was walking alongside him and smiling back. He realized just how silly it was, shook his head and continued home.

I’m so lonely, I want to die.

“I’m back!” he announced, once he opened the door, but he received no answer. It had only been a few months since his family moved to Seoul, where his father had found a new job. His parents have been working constantly since, so they could pay the high rent and the tuition fee for his new school.

Wonwoo went to his room, throwing his bag in a corner, changing into comfortable clothes immediately, while scanning the vinyls in the box on the floor. His mother had gone through her old music after the move and Wonwoo had asked her, whether he could listen to some of her old records. He pulled out an album he had listened to every once in a while since, turned up the volume just so much, the neighbors wouldn’t complain and let himself flop down on his bed. 

And when my mind is wandering, there I will go.

He looked up at the massive map of the world hanging on the wall above his head. Korea looked so small, when in his eyes it was huge. Seoul alone was such a big city. Ten million people. Never would you be able to meet all of them. Let alone the fifty million inhabitants of his country. Or the eight billion on this planet. How was he supposed to find love amongst all these people? Never could he meet this many people. And how was he supposed to know who of those eight billion was the one? But what if the One did not love him as much as he did?

He sighed. He would probably never fall in love.

Will I wait a lonely lifetime? If you want me to, I will. 

AN: I'm finally back! I really missed writing. This doesn't mean, I didn't write at all, I took a course for creative writing at school, so I had to write tons, btu all in my mother tongue and the tasks are all crap, like I did not take up that course to write fairytales and from the perspective of an object, like I was Kafka (though I do appreaciate his work, I really do). If you want to read more about like updates and thoughts on writing and , you can check out the blog post I wrote recently.

Anyway, This story, like so many is closely linked to music. I got the album "Rubber Soul" by The Beatles on vinyl for Christmas and I've listened to it a lot, as well as a lot of other Beatles-songs. There are a lot of bits and pieces in their songs, that are very pretty. The cursive sentences, as some sort of inner monologue of Wonwoo's, as well as the description are almost exact quotes from their songs. Occasionally I change "her" or "you" to him for the sake of the story, or shorten passages, but it's basically the same still. 

My goal for this story is for it to have a kind of sepia-aura. I noticed, that stories, if they are good, have a continuous aura, which you can easily link to colours. It's the basic feel. An example: for "Barely Breathing" I mainly had orange to beige colours in mind, whereas with "What's Left Of Us" I aim for blood red and black as both dangerous and passionate. "Photograph" had a very clar colour conept already already with pale blue, leaf green and little hints of yellow. Long story short, I hope I will manage to write a story that makes you feel a little nostalgic maybe and comfortable.

(Time for shameless self-promotion) Oh and if you happen to know German or learn it at school or so, you may be interested in my (tumblr) blog abotu music. It's mainyl alternative-indie-rock-ish but I try to throw in a bit of K-Pop every once in a while, since there are some songs/albums which are actually of pretty high quality. Here it is

Thank you for reading and I hope you will enjoy this and continue to look out for the actual chapters (of which I actually have a few prepared, but I know myself and how lazy I get with writing once school starts, so I want to keep them to throw them out every once in a while, even though I didn't get to write)