Appearance  5 / 5

 

There's really nothing to say on this matter because the story was well presented and easy on the eye which pleases potentials readers and allows them to continue without any hassle.

 

Description and Foreword: 6 /10

 

Regarding the description, there really isn't much that gives meaning towards the story. Instead of putting the description of the story in the foreword it would preferred in the first section to immediately grab the readers' attention. In my case, reading the two extracted quotes alone would not fulfil the requirement of understanding what the fiction's about, and would serve better purpose as a supplementary.

All in all, there is little detail about the story's plot and more about the background and creation of the story itself, which may be unappealing to some readers.

 

Characterization: 15 / 20

 

There wasn't much detail into each character but a sentence each, one defined feature of them, was enough to understand what they were like. I was able to find out some sort of personality of the three persons through your given information.

 

Plot & Originality: 20 /20

 

It was a funny read because such drama was caused for something as small as the remote/television not working simply because they didn't insert the batteries. Even though it was  a short read, the fiction was definitely entertaining.

 

Flow: 20 / 20

 

Even as a short fiction, it has a consistency throughout the whole journey. You made that with your description of the scenes would smoothly intercept the events that occurred in the story.

 

Grammar and Spelling: 20 / 25

 

There were a few things that I picked up when reading your fiction. I have some examples as well as alternative ways to fix the errors.

 

She had tried to look at the situation via various lenses and various angles.

Instead, use the word "through" as it will make the story less rigid. Certain words can change the way the story is interpreted as well as giving readers an insight into how the author writes, which can be appealing or displeasing.

 

She had tried to look at the situation via various lenses and various angles.  Despite her best efforts to view the situation in a different light, her positivity was running dry.

In the second sentence you've restated what occurred in the first one which causes repetition and the unpleasantry atmosphere. It make  is flow better, combine the two sentences with either "but" or "yet" such as:

She had tried to look at the situation via various lenses and various angles, but her positivity was running dry.

She had tried to look at the situation via various lenses and various angles, yet her positivity was running dry.

 

Another two sentences that would be better connected is the following:

Discounting the chilly touch of his fingertips and the paleness of his face, Dongwoo seemed generally unfazed. His nonchalance seen through his slackened jaw and apathetic sniffles.

A simple semi-colon should do the trick…

Discounting the chilly touch of his fingertips and the paleness of his face, Dongwoo seemed generally unfazed; his nonchalance seen through his slackened jaw and apathetic sniffles.

 

One spelling error may be enough to put readers off, while others may dismiss it and hope that the future writings won't include mistakes. Luckily, I've only picked up one error and it seems stupid to solely point that out but it will be better to do so that in future more reviewing into your own story is made.

The crippling fear turned his fingertips cold while colour bean to seep away from his face. His eyes were fixed on something in the far distance, seemingly undisturbed by the perturbation.

The "bean" should be "began".

 

One last thing that I'd like to point out is the system of formalities in the Korean language and culture. Unless you've grown with the Korean culture or have some sort of deep connection with it (practically family history or perhaps you've lived in Korea for a long time now) the use of Korean formalities by a foreigner comes under the category of Cultural Appropriation. I've linked you to a brief description of what it is. I have no knowledge of your background/nationality and if you are Korean or if you have a great background with the Korean culture then I do apologise, but if you aren't then please read the link as it will help you understand to avoid using formalities when writing fictions.

 

Comments:

 

I do apologies for the lateness of this review and though my excuses may seem poor, that I do have a busy personal life, and is over used by many on this site I really do cause the blame on this. Please read through this review and look over your own work to fix any errors that have arisen. Do not forgot to check out the link given for more information.

Please use the archives' link when crediting SEASONS REVIEW and the review on your fiction.

 

 

Score 89 / 100