F   I   N   A   L

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My name is Jung Soo Jung, and I am 19 years old. All throughout my high school life, I was the shy girl who sat in the corner of the room. No one noticed me, but I was perfectly fine with that. It was when I was 17 years old and a boy fell for me and my paper heart...

 

It was another normal day for me at school, the same routine. I go to my locker, grab any books that I would need for class, and then attend the actual class.  At lunch, I would change my books and go to the top of the roof where I would eat my lunch alone and sketch the scenery around me .  If the weather wasn’t promising, then I would eat in the cafeteria and make my way to the library afterwards.  Once lunch was over, I would go to the rest of my classes until it was time to go home.  I wouldn’t talk to anyone, only when I was asked a question. I stayed out of other people’s business and they stayed out of mine.  That was the daily life for me at school.  

 

But not today. Today was going to different. I felt it the minute I woke up.

 

I was walking to my locker and I heard whispering all around me. I looked around, hoping to see what they were whispering about when I noticed the crowd of people at my locker. “Excuse me,” I said, hoping to get their attention.  A boy in the same grade as me turns around.

 

“Is this your locker?” he asks. I nod. “If you don’t mind, can you open it?” I hesitated for a minute. A boy I have never talked to is here asking me to open my locker, but then I thought I have nothing to hide from anyone. I once again nod, and he, along with everyone else, make  way for me to open the locker.  Once I open the locker, the boy appears behind me, and looks inside. As he was talking a quick glance, I noticed the box of chocolates. I hadn’t placed them there and I didn’t know anyone else that would place them there.

 

As I was checking the box for any signs of who might’ve sent it, the boy next too me picked up a piece of paper and handed it to me.  “This fell,” he says as I looked at it as it were a foreign object. “My friend, Hwang Shinwoo, left this in here, and we were all wondering who he left it for,” he adds, explaining his presence. “My name is Woo Sung Hyun, but you can call me Kevin,” he says with a bright smile. I smile back at him, but felt awkward as this was the first time someone had introduced themselves in a situation like this. “If my friend leaves any more gifts or notes like these, please tell me,” he added before walking away with the other people.

 

‘Hwang Shinwoo...’ I thought. ‘Isn’t he the new kid here? Why would he send me chocolates? Must be a prank or a bet he made with his friends…’ I shrug off the thought, and place the box of chocolates in my bag as I make my way to class. ‘I did feel like this day was going to be different,’

 

And it wasn’t just that day.

 

Everyday I would go to my locker to see another box of chocolates from Shinwoo.  He also started eating lunch with me on the roof tops. We wouldn’t talk that much, just small talk here and there. Shinwoo didn’t mind “modelling” for me, and soon my sketch pad was filled with drawings of him. I didn’t complain, as it felt nice to have some company, but I knew that I shouldn’t be spending so much time with someone like him. This went on for a while, and eventually I started liking the boy who always left chocolate in my locker, Hwang Shinwoo.

 

It was a cold November Friday and I had went to the library that day after eating.  I was quietly working on my math homework, hoping to get it out the way when I heard a noise next to me.  I look up to see Shinwoo, cheeks red.  “Where were you? I was looking all over for you, and no one knew where you were!” he exclaims as loud as he could being in the library.

 

“What do you mean?” I ask, trying to avoid his eyes. “I’ve been here. Why does it matter to you?”

 

“Because it does matter. I don’t know why, but it matters to me. We are friends, right?” he asks.

 

“Yeah...friends…” I say slowly, the word sounding foreign to me. Shinwoo didn't move and continued staring at me. Not knowing what I was feeling, I packed up my stuff and walked out the library, Shinwoo on my tail.

 

“Hey where are you going?” he asks, but I ignore him. “Anyways, are you busy after school?” There’s this new cafe in town, and Kevin said that their hot chocolate is really great. Doesn’t that sound good for such a - “

 

“Shinwoo, please stop,” I interrupt him. “Please stop….stop following me around and giving me weird feelings I can’t explain,” I blurt.

 

“What do you mean?” he asks, confusion painted on his face.

 

“You need to stop following me around. You’re the new guy at the school that now happens to be very popular.  I’m just the shy girl that sits in the corner of the room who has no friends.  And ever since you started leaving chocolate for me and talking to me, everyone has noticed me, and I’m not used to this kind of attention.  I have these feelings that I can’t even begin to describe, that I have no idea what they mean.  I have a paper heart, Shinwoo, and I can’t handle foreign feelings like this. I’m sorry,” I break off and walk away from him as fast as possible.  I decide not to go to classes, and go to the nurse, asking if I could go home due to feeling sick.  She wrote me out a pass allowing me to go home and I walked home, the thought of Shinwoo never leaving my mind.

 

That Monday I woke up refreshed, with the memories from Friday on my mind.  I knew what I did was wrong, but it was for the better that Shinwoo returned to his normal life with his friends and I to mine. I walked into school, and a sense of deja-vu fell over me. It was just like the first day Shinwoo had left the chocolates in my locker.  Kevin and his group of friends were once again surrounded my locker, but they seemed to be waiting for me.  “Shinwoo asked me to give this you,” Kevin said with a bright smile. He handed me the note and walked away, leaving me alone at my locker. I opened the note to read “Meet me at the rooftop during lunch. - Hwang Shinwoo”

 

All throughout the morning, I thought to myself why he would want to see me after all I said to him. When the bell for lunch rang, I rushed to my locker, getting rid of any books I didn’t need. I ran up to the roof where I saw Shinwoo sitting on the ground, guitar in his hand as he strummed the strings. “You wanted to see me?” I ask.

 

“I thought of what you said on Friday, and it caused me to write this song for you,” he said, as he clears his throat.

 

| PLAY THIS |

 

“ When the wind plays jokes, hold me tight in case I fly away

You’ll be in trouble if you crumple me up like that

I may seem nice but I have a strong pride

I’ve never been hurt over love or thought of anyone seriously before

So I’m serious

I try to act strong on the outside but my heart is like paper

I got a Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper Heart I got a Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper Heart

I like you so much that I’m actually a bit scared

I got a Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper Heart I got a Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper Heart

Doo Doo- Doo Doo-

When it’s a rainy down, put an umbrella over me, don’t make me cry yeah yeah

I might rip so always make your words gentle and soft, OK?

Engrave it deeply in your heart

Because I’m telling you ahead of time

In case you don’t know

I try to act strong on the outside but my heart is like paper

I got a Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper Heart I got a Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper Heart

I like you so much that I’m actually a bit scared

I got a Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper Heart I got a Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper Heart

Doo Doo- Doo Doo- Please, be gentle

Wanna see my heart made out of white paper? I got a paper heart

Wanna see your name written on the side of my heart?

I got a Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper Heart I got a Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper Heart

I like you so much that I’m actually a bit scared

I got a Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper Heart I got a Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper Heart

I try to act strong on the outside but my heart is like paper

I got a Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper Heart I got a Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper Heart

I like you so much that I’m actually a bit scared

I got a Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper Heart I got a Pa-Pa-Pa-Pa-Paper Heart ”

I was speechless. I had no idea how to respond to something like this. Thankfully, Shinwoo did most of the talking. “I know you think that we shouldn’t be friends, but I think that we should. Ever since I saw you, I was attracted to you. You’re not like all the other girls I’ve seen ever since I got here. You were the one girl that was different. I really like you and the last thing I would want to do is rip your paper heart,”

I was silent for minute, knowing that I might end up regretting my decision but for now, my feelings were more important. “I don’t think I’m ready for something like that like. I like you too, but I’m scared.  My heart is too fragile. I told you, I have a paper heart, and it rips easily. I’m sorry Shinwoo,” I say and make my way back downstairs.

I am now 19 years old. I still do have a paper heart, but it’s a stronger material compared to regular paper. I am still scared, but I’m stronger than who I used to be. I regret my choice that day when I was 17 years old, but if I was given the chance to go back in time, I wouldn’t change my decision. That day I realized how much of a paper heart I had, but I also learned that it’s not always bad to be scared of what the future may hold. For now, I’ll just have to live like this until I meet someone who is able to change my paper heart...