*I just need to spit out my Kaisoo feels. 

 

… my biggest mistake was being in love with you. I do all the bad deeds without the assurance of you returning the favor of loving me too. But I don’t know, why I’m willing to sin over and over again.

“It was nice working with you Mr. Kang. You won’t be disappointed.”

Before they can finish shaking their hands, a boy with platinum blonde hair and sun-kissed skin broke the momentum and entered the office of the doe-eyed boy who, despite of not showing his shock, his irritation was obvious due to his clenched jaw and lips breaking into a thin line.

“Kyungsoo, we need to talk. Now.”                                

“Is something wrong Mr. Do?”

The gruff yet sincere voice came out from the middle-aged man known formally as Mr. Kang, his eyes moving back and forth on the two young males who seem to forget her presence in the room. It was like watching an intense table tennis game, but the ball is replaced by strong gazes.

“Nothing to worry about Sir. Everything’s fine. Again, thank you for your time.”

“Alright, if you say. I’ll get going now.”

Despite the look he’s giving the shorter male, the latter’s heart-shaped smile that has broken into his lips seems to make its magic in calming the guy.

“This is a surprise Kai. What brought you here this time? Another gift you forgot to give me?”

With his name called, Kai’s knees weakened and his mouth betrayed him for not coming up with words to throw on the boy’s face. He tried to straighten his back and not defeat his purpose of confronting Kyungsoo.

“You know why I came here Kyungsoo. Stop acting innocent and vulnerable when you know you’re not!”

A light giggle bubbled from Kyungsoo’s mouth after hearing Kai’s words, as if the anger of the latter is some kind of a joke for him. And his actions helps in dissipating the heaviness that’s starting to wrap around them.

“Right, I know. So why am I even asking you?”

“Quit with these mind games. Please Kyungsoo, stop what you’re doing before it’s too late.”

Kyungsoo’s eyes became cold the second he started to plead. He’s not sure where this conversation would go, but he needs to try. He must try.

“What now? You want to save me before I rot in hell, I escaped death Kai, and I don’t fear dying again. You don’t want to lose me again right?”

“Stop using that reason to end another talk regarding your wrongdoings!”

“Look who’s talking? Who is so obsessed in seeing me beside him, so he could feel my warmth because he couldn’t just get enough of me, that he turned me into this monster for his own benefit?! Stop acting as you’re the hero here that you can save me, because you can’t!”

Silence enveloped both of them. Only the sound of clock ticking pushes away the stillness in the room.

“It was your brother Kyungsoo. You tried to kill your own brother! You can’t control yourself anymore!”

“Oh yes I can. I was in my right mind when I tried to throw him off the balcony. Lucky him he survived, I could have made a good stew out of his flesh.”

His eyes did not show any sign of guilt, just pure blissfulness. And it made Kai shiver. The one in front of him right now is a stranger, despite having the same features; it’s not the same Kyungsoo that he fell in love with.

But he can’t stop now. It’s as if his love for the pale-skinned male serves as his source of oxygen, and every contrast between them fills every gap within him. It’s as if Kyungsoo is his addiction that’s starting to eat his soul away yet he keeps on taking in more.

“Kyungsoo, don’t kill anyone, anymore. Please.”

He softened with Kai’s words. He built a wall between them, and tried acting as a bad guy, a great sinner he was, and he admits it. He wants to get angry and throw every cuss he learned since he was young at Kai’s face. But he can’t get himself to do what his mind tells him.

“You know I need to. I’ll start rotting like a real zombie that I am, and you’ll lose me, for good.”

“Kyungsoo… I’m… I’m really sorry.”

“You have said that for the nth time Kai. You know it won’t change anything now. I should have been dead months ago after drowning but you didn’t let me. Everything should have been easier with me gone. Now, I couldn’t even face anyone straight in the eye without the idea of making them a meal right there and then. Your sorry won’t cure me. Do you know how hard it is to restrain myself? Death would have been a better option than living like this.”

Kai froze after hearing those words from Kyungsoo. Not only because he knows those were meant to hurt him, but it was the most honest tone he had heard from him since… since he changed him. Literally.

As if a part of his reflex, he locked Kyungsoo in a bear hug after the first tear fell from the shorter male’s wide eyes.

“Kyungsoo… hurt me if you want, but please, don’t hurt anyone anymore. Don’t bring harm to yourself. It was my mistake of using you for my father’s experiment, hoping you’ll be alive again and you’ll be able to learn how to love me. And I realized my biggest mistake.”

He cupped the boy’s quite chubby cheeks, and he felt a surge of warmth within him. Every little touch he gives Kyungsoo backfires at him for giving him a tingling sensation, like being zapped by a faint lightning. It lingers for long.

“I love you so much that I don’t know how to let go. I made you a prisoner when you should have been free. I always thought about what I feel, without taking yours into consideration. If you ever said yes when you’re still alive, I would have been the worst boyfriend in history. My presence will never be a reason for you to be happy.”

Kyungsoo’s gaze softened, like he’s willing to accept this guy who, though he doesn’t want to admit it, he got attached to.

“I’ll provide your needs. I won’t let you be a subject for my father’s experiments once more. I won’t let anyone harm or inflict pain to you. Just, stay by my side.”

Kai’s head hung low, like a child caught stashing away candies despite of being told not to. He expects rejection, but the next words from his beloved are enough to melt his fear away.

“Alright, I’ll stay by your side if you want, just stop acting like the sweetest boyfriend in town, ‘cause you definitely don’t fit the image.”

His eye smile made Kai grin widely, though both of them are crying at the moment.

Maybe they could give it a chance.

***

 

“Do not try my patience Kim Kai. Stop hiding that boy and pass him to me, RIGHT NOW.”

If voice could cut, Kai imagined all his limbs filled with deep gashes where fire brick colored blood would seep out. Doing debate with his dad for practice always drains him, this time, their fight is giving him the same effect.

He almost gave in.

Almost.

“No. I won’t give him to you.”

“Since when did you learn to disrespect me? Spending time with that Do Kyungsoo has corrupted your mind. First, he was the reason why you see yourself as a gay, and now you’re rebelling. What’s next, you’ll learn how to kill from him?”

Silence rippled between them like a bomb waiting to be detonated.

“I already did.”

His father dropped dead on the floor, in front of their apartment. Lucky for him, it was near 2am and no one is walking the streets, therefore no innocent witness to clear out the way.

There was no sound from the gun, metal cold in his grasp, due to a silencer attached at its tip, but the smoke coming from the nuzzle is enough sign that he used it and he was prepared to do a kill.

Ruthless it was, but he doesn’t find any revolting feeling within him. His conscience not stirring for a bit.

His heart beat wildly when he felt a hand on his shoulder, but realizing the only other person that’s there at the moment, his tense posture loosened.

“Woah, clean shot. Are you trying to contest with my skill?”

Kyungsoo’s tone shows amusement and admiration, what Kai is waiting to receive from him. He then faced him with a lop-sided grin, and raised his arm to hold the innocent-looking guy closer for a snuggle.

“Oh, not now Kai.”

He playfully swatted the pouting guy’s arm away from him and started to walk back inside their own apartment.

“But whhhhyyyyy?”

His whining caused a giggling sound gurgle out of Kyungsoo’s lips. Kai looked more mature than him, with his toned body and prince-like features, with his height advantage as a plus, but acting like a kid once in a while to make Kyungsoo laugh is not that bad at all.

“I’ll help you clean the cadaver, then make me a meal and I’ll reconsider it.”

His hands moved swiftly in carrying the dead body towards the kitchen in hope of the promising deal.

I’m just crazy at everything about you; I just want to drown in your chocolate brown eyes.

“You know you’re my home now right?”

“You always say that everyday Kai, I’ve had enough of your ‘sorry’ last month, so stop being a broken record again or I’ll pack my clothes and move out.”

He knows it was meant to be a joke, especially from the likes of Kyungsoo, but he felt like being hit by his own bullet.

“Don’t joke like that.”

After seeing his gloomy expression, another laughter, louder this time, erupted from Kyungsoo. He removed his gloves and pulled his attention away from his upcoming meal for later. He gestured for Kai to do the same. His next action was what shocked Kai.

He tiptoed, used Kai’s shoulder as leverage, leaned in, and kissed him.

On the forehead.

It wasn’t on the lips like he dreamed of, it was a really short contact, but it was enough. Even the simplest of actions would always matter and be enough as long as a certain doe-eyed boy named Kyungsoo is involved with it.

The best part?

It was the first time that Kyungsoo was the one who initiated the intimacy. Kai felt like his knees are buckling . They’re still too much close to each other, that he feels his breathing hitch when he looked straight at the eyes that always take his sanity away.

“The heck Kyungsoo, but I really love you.”

“I know. You don’t need to say it that often.”

“But I-”

He was cut off by another kiss. Just a quick peck on the lips but he felt like he’s dozed off by the sweetest wine he could ever find.

“You’re actions are enough to prove it. The real question here is, do I really deserve someone as loyal as you?”

There was a slight hint of fear and doubt in his voice, but Kai heard it clearly.

“Don’t think that you don’t deserve me. I can’t explain being in love with you, but believe me; I’m overwhelmed that you decided to let me love you. I don’t expect you to return the feeling back. You’re assured that I’ll wait and stay loyal as ever. Just please, don’t vanish from my sight, okay?”

“Hey Kai.”

“Hmmm?”

“You always told me that I’m your home now right?”

“Yes, why?”

“Feel free to stay. I’m not planning on throwing you out. For good.”

Kai felt like his smile was trying to tear his face due to emotions he can’t contain.

They hugged each other. No one wants to let go first.

The cadaver was forgotten.

 

*Kyungsoo is a zombie/cannibal here, who's still thinks rational and logical. This story is infected by me being a fan of horror and thriller stories, especially the zombie ones, so, yeah, I'll just end it here.  

*I don't know why, but I want to make a sequel, my kaisoo feels is tingling again.I just love them.

#kaisooislove